Every day around this time I go out to the lake that's behind our building and I feed the local ducks that are there. I look forward to this time because it's so relaxing and it gets me centered. There are probably 20 ducks that are in the lake. Some of them are waiting on the grass, the others come out once they see me. The ones that come out from the water crack me up because they start "running", more like a fast waddle! Some even flap their wings to get to the food faster! It just makes me laugh. Anyways, the reason I'm telling you this is because today the little babies came out! There were 4 little duckies and this is the first time they've ventured out of the water. They were with their Mommy who snipped at any other duck that came close to her babies. The babies are so fluffy and cute! That just made my day. I'll be sad when winter comes. If I remember to take my camera out and take some pictures, I'll post them.
On one of the previous days I was out there, I saw the great blue heron who hangs out in the lake. He came so close to shore that day, I thought for sure he was going to come out and try to get some of the food. It was amazing! They are so majestic and graceful for such large birds. That was a good day too.
I love animals, I really do. I saw an amazing video on Youtube.com about Christian the lion. If you look it up, I swear, it will bring you to tears, it's so touching. It might be under "hugging lion", I'm not sure. Animals just amaze me. Sometimes I can't find the words to express my love and appreciation of animals. I like animals more than I like some people.
And if you haven't yet gone to the movies to see the new Batman movie "The Dark Knight", what the hell is wrong with you??? It was awesome! Heath Ledger nailed his character (The Joker) right on the head. Loved it loved it! It was a 2 and a half hour movie and I didn't even notice it. Usually I get antsy around the 1 1/2 hour mark, but this kept my full attention throughout. Best movie of the summer hands down. I think my brother-in-law would even like it. He's got some wacky taste in movies...for cripes sakes, he liked "No Such Thing", which was THE worst movie EVER!!!!!!!!!!! Two hours of my life I will never get back. Ughh, it was so bad. When he left the States, he left us his collection of DVDs and that movie was in the mix. I think I burned it. Oops, now he'll know. But he's going to tell me that he hates the Batman movie just because he's a pain in the ass (Like I need another pain in the ass, seriously.)
Until next time, here are some words of wisdom:
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." - Emerson
I wear that saying on a bracelet. Gives me strength.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Faslodex
Went in for my usual monthly injection and today we added the new medication Faslodex. No lie, the needles were 3" long. Yes, you read correctly, it was needleS, plural. My dosage was 500mg, but the needles only come in 250mg (of course!), so that means 2 sticks in the ass for me. Got one on each cheek. So I'm laying on the hospital bed bare-assed, which I'm sure was a funny site. I have 3 bandaids total, one on my hand and one on each cheek. How cute. I have to go back in 2 weeks for the next dose, then again on August 25th. After that, it's only 1x month. Can we say pincushion?? My poor bum. Thom is still the bigger pain in the ass though. He has not been upstaged yet. :)
Hmm, how many times did I say ass in the previous paragraph? Let's see...counting...well, only 3 times, but it seemed a lot more to me.
Anyways, the weekend was quiet, just how I like them.
That's all I have to report.
Hmm, how many times did I say ass in the previous paragraph? Let's see...counting...well, only 3 times, but it seemed a lot more to me.
Anyways, the weekend was quiet, just how I like them.
That's all I have to report.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Results...and an unusually calm Emily
Went to see the doctor at Dana-Farber on Friday. We waited for 2 1/2 hours. I was upset, but I got over it when I realized that he gives each of his patients the time that they need, he doesn't rush. We spent a good 45 minutes with him. I have to be understanding because for all I know, some woman just got diagnosed and needed a little more time with him, like I did when I first went in. Next time I will bring a book or something.
The news wasn't good. The lung nodules grew and the tumors in my hips grew. Now we are changing meds again, this is the last of the hormonal therapy. It's an injection once a month, it's called Faslodex. I will remain on the Lupron (the harpoon). So all my medications are injections now. I don't think that there will be an unsore spot on my ass from now on! Gives a whole new meaning to "pain in the ass"!
I have more scans in November, so if this injection doesn't work, the next step is to start chemo. But it will be chemo in pill form. I won't lose my hair with this, but there is a weird reaction: the palms of my hands and the soles of my feet could become very irritated. For some reason, the chemo accumulates in the thick skin on these 2 areas.
I'm unusually calm upon hearing this news. Recently, I've had this calm feeling deep down, like everything is going to be ok. Don't know how long it will last, but I'm going with it for now.
The doctor said that in cases like mine, where the tumor doesn't respond to hormone therapy when it should, chemo becomes very effective. He's not sure why, but it does. Chemo could become my mixed blessing. Not surprised, I have never done anything like I should, so should I expect anything different from a tumor that is in me?
We talked about removing the original tumor from the breast. He doesn't see the need for it. He doesn't want to put me through unnecessary pain, and the surgery would be invasive. He said that maybe in future, once we get the cancer more manageable, we could do it, but unless it becomes a problem (more so than it is already!!), there's no need. I agree.
He's more convinced now that the nodules in my lungs are breast cancer. If he didn't see any change in them, he would still question, but because they grew along with the hip ones, he thinks that it is the same.
The news wasn't good. The lung nodules grew and the tumors in my hips grew. Now we are changing meds again, this is the last of the hormonal therapy. It's an injection once a month, it's called Faslodex. I will remain on the Lupron (the harpoon). So all my medications are injections now. I don't think that there will be an unsore spot on my ass from now on! Gives a whole new meaning to "pain in the ass"!
I have more scans in November, so if this injection doesn't work, the next step is to start chemo. But it will be chemo in pill form. I won't lose my hair with this, but there is a weird reaction: the palms of my hands and the soles of my feet could become very irritated. For some reason, the chemo accumulates in the thick skin on these 2 areas.
I'm unusually calm upon hearing this news. Recently, I've had this calm feeling deep down, like everything is going to be ok. Don't know how long it will last, but I'm going with it for now.
The doctor said that in cases like mine, where the tumor doesn't respond to hormone therapy when it should, chemo becomes very effective. He's not sure why, but it does. Chemo could become my mixed blessing. Not surprised, I have never done anything like I should, so should I expect anything different from a tumor that is in me?
We talked about removing the original tumor from the breast. He doesn't see the need for it. He doesn't want to put me through unnecessary pain, and the surgery would be invasive. He said that maybe in future, once we get the cancer more manageable, we could do it, but unless it becomes a problem (more so than it is already!!), there's no need. I agree.
He's more convinced now that the nodules in my lungs are breast cancer. If he didn't see any change in them, he would still question, but because they grew along with the hip ones, he thinks that it is the same.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Latest CT Scan
Had my latest CT scan at Dana-Farber on Friday. I always dread this test. Not only because of the results that it will tell, but because of the absolutely disgusting prep they make you drink. Just crush some chalk and add some water to it, and there you have it. But not this time. This time, they gave me 2 18oz bottles of Raspberry Crystal Light and mixed in some clear stuff to it. Didn't taste a thing except the Crystal Light. It was actually good!
So while I'm drinking the stuff, they take me in to do the Ultrasound, while I'm waiting for the CT Scan. I got 2 Radiologists working on me, and both of them are wondering why my doctor wants an ultrasound done. They say that nothing can be determined from an ultrasound. The tumor only shows up as a shadow on the US. I don't know why my doctor wants it. But I will be sure to ask him on Friday when I go in for the results. It's not like they can measure it from the US. And a mammogram doesn't work either because there's too much calcification in the breast to even see anything.
The dye that they inject for the CT scan is weird. As soon as it gets injected, I can feel it coursing through my body. First I can "taste" it. Then I feel it in my chest and finally, when it reaches the lower body, I get a really hot sensation and it feels like I'm peeing my pants. I'm not, but it just feels that way. It goes away pretty quickly, but it makes itself known. It's bizarre.
So I go back to Boston on Friday to meet with the doctor and get the results of this latest battery of tests. This will probably determine the next course of action that will be taken as far as medication and such. Keep me in your thoughts.
I get the harpoon tonight. They increased the dosage on the Lupron, so we'll see how I react to it. I must admit, no periods are niiice. Sorry, I have to look on the bright side of things! May be TMI, but get over it! :)
My brother-in-law, the guy in Dubai? He's flying around royalty. Apparently, the Sheik's son wanted to go to Beirut for a party. Got that? Beirut...for a party. So before they took off, the Sheik himself inspected the plane to make sure it was good enough for his son to fly in. How friggin cool is that?? He got to meet and shake hands with the Sheik. Not to mention flying the next-in-line for the...what would you call it...the throne...the whole shebang?? Damn. That's way too cool. You hear that mayonnaise?? I think you are C-O-O-L. It's in black and white, it's official, I can't take it back! There, I said it. Now where's my postcard?? LOL
Took the 2 dogs to the lake yesterday. Keep in mind that they are both Labs, you know, the water-loving dogs? Well, Tanner took to it no problem, fetching her stupid tennis ball. She is so obsessed with that tennis ball, nothing can deter her from it. Not Max humping her head...nothing. So I'm tossing the ball into the water and she's leaping like a gazelle (only not so gracefully) to fetch it. Also keep in mind that Tanner ain't that bright. She sees the tennis ball go under, but doesn't see that it is now floating. She is completely submerged looking for this tennis ball. I thought I was going to have to go in after her because she wasn't coming up for air!! She did, of course. Her eyes are bloodshot because she's got them open under the water looking for the ball. We continue this for a good 30 minutes. Thought she would be exhausted and just crash when we got home, but OH NO, not Tanner, not the energizer bunny of dogs. She's still hyper, running around. You've got to be kidding!
Max on the other hand couldn't of cared less about the water. He wouldn't go in past his chest. He didn't like the waves because he would get water in his face. Water-loving dogs? Not Max. He was more interested in sniffing the grass on shore.
Other than that, the weekend was nice and quiet. Going to the torture place, I mean, the gym tonight. Blah.
Saw 2 movies this weekend too. Apocalypto (I give it a B+), and SuperBad (C-).
Hope all is well with all of you.
So while I'm drinking the stuff, they take me in to do the Ultrasound, while I'm waiting for the CT Scan. I got 2 Radiologists working on me, and both of them are wondering why my doctor wants an ultrasound done. They say that nothing can be determined from an ultrasound. The tumor only shows up as a shadow on the US. I don't know why my doctor wants it. But I will be sure to ask him on Friday when I go in for the results. It's not like they can measure it from the US. And a mammogram doesn't work either because there's too much calcification in the breast to even see anything.
The dye that they inject for the CT scan is weird. As soon as it gets injected, I can feel it coursing through my body. First I can "taste" it. Then I feel it in my chest and finally, when it reaches the lower body, I get a really hot sensation and it feels like I'm peeing my pants. I'm not, but it just feels that way. It goes away pretty quickly, but it makes itself known. It's bizarre.
So I go back to Boston on Friday to meet with the doctor and get the results of this latest battery of tests. This will probably determine the next course of action that will be taken as far as medication and such. Keep me in your thoughts.
I get the harpoon tonight. They increased the dosage on the Lupron, so we'll see how I react to it. I must admit, no periods are niiice. Sorry, I have to look on the bright side of things! May be TMI, but get over it! :)
My brother-in-law, the guy in Dubai? He's flying around royalty. Apparently, the Sheik's son wanted to go to Beirut for a party. Got that? Beirut...for a party. So before they took off, the Sheik himself inspected the plane to make sure it was good enough for his son to fly in. How friggin cool is that?? He got to meet and shake hands with the Sheik. Not to mention flying the next-in-line for the...what would you call it...the throne...the whole shebang?? Damn. That's way too cool. You hear that mayonnaise?? I think you are C-O-O-L. It's in black and white, it's official, I can't take it back! There, I said it. Now where's my postcard?? LOL
Took the 2 dogs to the lake yesterday. Keep in mind that they are both Labs, you know, the water-loving dogs? Well, Tanner took to it no problem, fetching her stupid tennis ball. She is so obsessed with that tennis ball, nothing can deter her from it. Not Max humping her head...nothing. So I'm tossing the ball into the water and she's leaping like a gazelle (only not so gracefully) to fetch it. Also keep in mind that Tanner ain't that bright. She sees the tennis ball go under, but doesn't see that it is now floating. She is completely submerged looking for this tennis ball. I thought I was going to have to go in after her because she wasn't coming up for air!! She did, of course. Her eyes are bloodshot because she's got them open under the water looking for the ball. We continue this for a good 30 minutes. Thought she would be exhausted and just crash when we got home, but OH NO, not Tanner, not the energizer bunny of dogs. She's still hyper, running around. You've got to be kidding!
Max on the other hand couldn't of cared less about the water. He wouldn't go in past his chest. He didn't like the waves because he would get water in his face. Water-loving dogs? Not Max. He was more interested in sniffing the grass on shore.
Other than that, the weekend was nice and quiet. Going to the torture place, I mean, the gym tonight. Blah.
Saw 2 movies this weekend too. Apocalypto (I give it a B+), and SuperBad (C-).
Hope all is well with all of you.
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