As we welcome in the New Year, I like to look back at the past year...good and bad...and remember what I have to be grateful for.
This year was dominated by the loss of my job. It has taken me until last night to come to terms with it. I was having a hard time with it. But I look at it now as a chapter of my life closing and a new chapter beginning. I wonder what it holds for me.
I am thankful for my family. I have a strong support network and I know they all love me very much. And I love them very much.
I am thankful for my friends. As Clarence from It's a Wonderful Life said, Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends. Thanks to Facebook, I am reconnecting with a lot of them! This year I spent time with childhood and high school friends. I didn't realize how much I missed them in my life. But now that I am in touch with them, I won't lose them again.
I am thankful for my health. I started chemotherapy this year and it was filled with good news as far as my cancer markers were concerned. They continued to go down and that means that the chemo is doing it's job! I am thankful that my side-effects are minimal, and other than feeling tired, I feel better than I have in years!
I am thankful for Thom. He has been by my side through everything. He has to be the most patient, loving, and forgiving man I have ever met. I would be so lost without him. We've been together for 19 years and it's been wonderful!
Resolutions? I usually try to stay away from them. I feel they only set you up for failure. Well, the diet and exercise ones anyways! But mine is to keep being grateful for what I have.
Here's to a great 2010! Thank you for being in my life!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Technical Difficulties
Hello! Sorry for the silence, but both computers in the house are not working, so I haven't been able to blog. Right now I'm using Thom's iPhone to send this. As soon as one of the computers is back up, I'll write more. Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Happy Halloween!
Hope everyone had a happy, fun Halloween! Thom and I had a party, first ever Halloween party! Here are some pictures:
I made some fun food for the party: mummy hot dogs and pizzas, breadstick bones, and a yummy tater tot, cheese and bacon concoction!
Seemed like people had a good time, so that was good. Boy was I tired after that, a lot of preparation, but it was worth it.
We got about maybe 15 trick or treaters. It makes me sad, I want more kids to show up. I don't know if people don't want to walk far anymore, or if people just don't trick or treat anymore. Bummer.
I had this week off from treatment, and the new cycle starts this Friday.
I made some fun food for the party: mummy hot dogs and pizzas, breadstick bones, and a yummy tater tot, cheese and bacon concoction!
Seemed like people had a good time, so that was good. Boy was I tired after that, a lot of preparation, but it was worth it.
We got about maybe 15 trick or treaters. It makes me sad, I want more kids to show up. I don't know if people don't want to walk far anymore, or if people just don't trick or treat anymore. Bummer.
I had this week off from treatment, and the new cycle starts this Friday.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
It's all in the numbers
Had treatment yesterday. Two weeks ago I had another allergic reaction to the Taxol, which was strange because I hadn't had a reaction in a while and the reaction was delayed. What does this mean? It means that I have to go back on pretreatments of Benedryl and Steroids. So I haven't slept since the night before yesterday. I've got a lot of energy, I think to Thom's chagrin because I'm having him do a bunch of chores and stuff. LOL
I got my cancer markers back and the news is great again! The CA27-29 went down from 155 to 126, and the CEA went down from 3.7 to 3.6. I know some of you don't know what the numbers mean, but I can tell you that the lower the better! The doctor is pleased and doesn't see any need to do any scans. I see the doctor again in January.
I've been feeling good, been organizing the house and getting a lot of items ready for a yard sale in the spring. I've also been decorating...something I haven't done in a while. I have been finding all sorts of stuff while cleaning up, things I've forgotten I had. It's like Christmas!
Other than that, not much happening! We're having a Halloween party soon, so that should be fun!! I love Halloween!
Oh! I drove to Boston. Thom was in the car, but I handled the drive very well! We got stuck in traffic, and even though I was secretly flipping out, I calmed myself down and made it through. Thom didn't even realize I was having a panic attack. Baby steps. I keep telling him I did fine because he was in the car, but he keeps telling me that this was a major milestone. I suppose! I'm the hardest on myself and I always feel I have to perform everything perfectly. I need to chill! LOL
I have next week off from chemo. Will write more later!
E
I got my cancer markers back and the news is great again! The CA27-29 went down from 155 to 126, and the CEA went down from 3.7 to 3.6. I know some of you don't know what the numbers mean, but I can tell you that the lower the better! The doctor is pleased and doesn't see any need to do any scans. I see the doctor again in January.
I've been feeling good, been organizing the house and getting a lot of items ready for a yard sale in the spring. I've also been decorating...something I haven't done in a while. I have been finding all sorts of stuff while cleaning up, things I've forgotten I had. It's like Christmas!
Other than that, not much happening! We're having a Halloween party soon, so that should be fun!! I love Halloween!
Oh! I drove to Boston. Thom was in the car, but I handled the drive very well! We got stuck in traffic, and even though I was secretly flipping out, I calmed myself down and made it through. Thom didn't even realize I was having a panic attack. Baby steps. I keep telling him I did fine because he was in the car, but he keeps telling me that this was a major milestone. I suppose! I'm the hardest on myself and I always feel I have to perform everything perfectly. I need to chill! LOL
I have next week off from chemo. Will write more later!
E
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
First Red Sox game EVAH!!
Last night I got to see my first ever Red Sox game at Fenway! Yes I know, all the years I've lived here, I've never been to a baseball game.
The evening started out with some bar hopping. The first stop was The Pour House. I had some killer nachos and did a grape crush shot with my friend Bryan. Place had lots of atmosphere, I'd like to go back there.
Next stop was The Lower Depths Tap Room. This place gave you cans of beer...and they had 40s of malt liquor. Tried some Mickey's...reminded me of the stuff my dad used to drink...not a fan. Place was small, but they had some tater tots, smothered in cheese and bacon...can you say "OMG!" I am going to make that taste bud sensation at home...who wants to be my guinea pig?!
We had awesome seats, right by 1st base. The weather was nice, no rain. The Sox were losing by 6, but in the 8th inning, they came back and made it 8-7. There were 2 people on base and Pedroia was at bat. He hit the ball, and it came SOOOO close to being a homerun, but came up short. They lost 8-7 to the Toronto Blue Jays, but the experience was phenomenal!! There was so much energy, it made it all so much fun!
And our niece Joss just happened to be at the same game and it was her first game ever too! What are the odds?! She and her boyfriend came to find us and we got to hang out for awhile. We haven't seen her in months, and it's just funny that we were there at the same time. She is moving to Colorado in a month, so this was such a treat!
Had to have a Fenway Frank and peanuts while there. Please don't comment on how raunchy the photo below looks. Keep it clean people!! There was a girl there selling water, and she was balancing the box of water on her head, all the while yelling, "Wahtah!" I love being in New England!!! Chowdah! I just love our accent!
The night was wicked pissah! Good times with friends!
The evening started out with some bar hopping. The first stop was The Pour House. I had some killer nachos and did a grape crush shot with my friend Bryan. Place had lots of atmosphere, I'd like to go back there.
Next stop was The Lower Depths Tap Room. This place gave you cans of beer...and they had 40s of malt liquor. Tried some Mickey's...reminded me of the stuff my dad used to drink...not a fan. Place was small, but they had some tater tots, smothered in cheese and bacon...can you say "OMG!" I am going to make that taste bud sensation at home...who wants to be my guinea pig?!
We had awesome seats, right by 1st base. The weather was nice, no rain. The Sox were losing by 6, but in the 8th inning, they came back and made it 8-7. There were 2 people on base and Pedroia was at bat. He hit the ball, and it came SOOOO close to being a homerun, but came up short. They lost 8-7 to the Toronto Blue Jays, but the experience was phenomenal!! There was so much energy, it made it all so much fun!
And our niece Joss just happened to be at the same game and it was her first game ever too! What are the odds?! She and her boyfriend came to find us and we got to hang out for awhile. We haven't seen her in months, and it's just funny that we were there at the same time. She is moving to Colorado in a month, so this was such a treat!
Had to have a Fenway Frank and peanuts while there. Please don't comment on how raunchy the photo below looks. Keep it clean people!! There was a girl there selling water, and she was balancing the box of water on her head, all the while yelling, "Wahtah!" I love being in New England!!! Chowdah! I just love our accent!
The night was wicked pissah! Good times with friends!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Last treatment
Hello all! Sorry for the long silence.
The last chemo treatment went very well, my red blood cells and hemoglobin levels were all fine. The nurse said that my body may be getting accustomed to the chemo, and so it's producing more red blood cells to compensate. The body is an amazing machine, it really is.
I have next week off, and then the following week, I will be seeing the doctor.
I have gotten an extension on my unemployment...another 33 weeks. Oh my. That would be like a whole year of unemployment. Hopefully, I'll have a job by then or something. I realized and admitted that I am not cut out to be a housewife. June Cleaver I am not.
Case in point. I made a birthday cake for Thom. You would think that being the daughter of an Italian mother who cooks like a pro, something would have worn off on me or something. No such luck. I made a 2-layered cake. Looked fine in the oven, but once I took it out, it sunk in and shrunk. I didn't have any cake pans, so I cooked them in 2 glass pie plates. When I put the 2 layers on top of each other, they looked like one layer! And it weighed about 10 lbs. It was more like pound cake than a nice cushy fluffy cake. Sigh. Thom was a good sport and ate a piece. When I told him that it was a 2-layer cake, he laughed out loud. He said he thought it was just one layer. LOL
The last chemo treatment went very well, my red blood cells and hemoglobin levels were all fine. The nurse said that my body may be getting accustomed to the chemo, and so it's producing more red blood cells to compensate. The body is an amazing machine, it really is.
I have next week off, and then the following week, I will be seeing the doctor.
I have gotten an extension on my unemployment...another 33 weeks. Oh my. That would be like a whole year of unemployment. Hopefully, I'll have a job by then or something. I realized and admitted that I am not cut out to be a housewife. June Cleaver I am not.
Case in point. I made a birthday cake for Thom. You would think that being the daughter of an Italian mother who cooks like a pro, something would have worn off on me or something. No such luck. I made a 2-layered cake. Looked fine in the oven, but once I took it out, it sunk in and shrunk. I didn't have any cake pans, so I cooked them in 2 glass pie plates. When I put the 2 layers on top of each other, they looked like one layer! And it weighed about 10 lbs. It was more like pound cake than a nice cushy fluffy cake. Sigh. Thom was a good sport and ate a piece. When I told him that it was a 2-layer cake, he laughed out loud. He said he thought it was just one layer. LOL
Friday, August 21, 2009
This is my chance...by Tanner LeBrun
Hello humans! This is Tanner, Emilee's 3 year old yellow labrahdoor retreever. I thought I wood take this oportunitee to express my feelings while I have the chance. I don't spell so well, so pleez excuuse the typos. Plus, I didn't realize how hard it is to type without thumbs. But I will do my best. I AM only 3 after all.
Emilee is sleepin, I herd her talking to Paw about not sleepin well beecuz she and I were "jockeying" for position...I don't know what that means, but Paw and I slept very well. Plus, it was nice in the room with the bed due to some cooling machine in the window. Paw went to bed first, then me. U have to understand, I'm an opportunist, so before Maw came to bed, I assumed the position...I think Maw refers to it as laying "perpindickular" to her. Again, they keep using these big words, I don't know what they mean. But it was kind of hard to fall asleep, Maw kept putting her feet in my face. I mean, really, a girl needs her beauty sleep, Maw can be so selfish sometimes. But I have come up with this plan...over the course of the nite, I make my way in between Maw and Paw and then I put my paws on Maw's back (or her stomach, depending on her position) and I push her away. This gives me a little more breething room. Maw moves around a lot at nite, grumbling something about not having any room. I know how she feels, I don't get enough room either!
OH LOOK, A BUG!!
Sorry, I diegress, lots of things get my attention, I appologise. Anyways, I see Maw on this machine all the time, so I wonder what it's all aboot. I think they call this a "blog", sounds like dog to me, so of course I am interested. I have things to say.
Yesterday, a friend of Maw's came over, think his name was Lee. He was the most interesting human I've ever smelled. He has 10 doggies like me, and there was lots to smell (I got a few good leads...will have to call them later). He was nice and Maw was very happy to see him. He liked us too, so he passed my inspection.
OH LOOK, ONE OF THE CATS!
Sorry again, I think I have the ADD, can't concentrate for long periods of time.
Maw really luvs me though, she says I keep her laughing all the time and I have very expressive eyebrows. Yeah, I'm cute, I know it. But everytime I put my face in her face, she moves me away. I like to be close, but humans have this ting called "purrsonal space". I don't grasp that idea. I like to be close to humans. The other dog in the house, Max, has been here longer than me. But he's so nice to me, he lets me play with him and pull him around the room by the skin on his neck. I'm a very jealous girl (I admit it) and I don't like it when Max gets any attention, so I muscle my way in and remind Maw and Paw that I'm around.
FOOD!!
I think I here some noise coming from the room with the bed. OH ok, it's just Paw getting redy for work. He leaves everyday and I'm sad, but then he comes back to us and I'm happy. I know the sound of his auto mobile and when I here it coming down the street, I am so happy I start running around. Maw gets happy too.
Last night, Maw complained about being hot...pleez...she's not the one wearing the fur coat. I try to give her some of my coat beecuz I like to share, but she always brushes it off. Doesn't she understand that that's quality fur she's getting? She's always saying how soft it is.
Bee right back, I have to go bark at some unseen danger outside...
Ok, false alarm...
Maw was holding this peece of paper in her hands and seemed very happy about it, so I peeked at it beecuz I'm curious. It had a bunch of numbers on it, I don't know what they mean, but I will copy it just like it looks...maybee u can figure out what it means.
May 8, 2009
CA27-29: 600
CEA: 37.4
June 19, 2009
CA27-29: 381
CEA: 13.4
August 7, 2009
CA27-29: 155
CEA: 3.7
Whatever it means, Maw and Paw are very happy about it! That makes me happy too!
OH LOOK, ANOTHER BUG!!
It's a little cooler this morning than it was yesterday, so maybee Maw can catch up on some sleep...I may join her...
Thank you for listening, well, actually, reading. I enjoyed this opportunitee to express my feelings!
Bye!
Emilee is sleepin, I herd her talking to Paw about not sleepin well beecuz she and I were "jockeying" for position...I don't know what that means, but Paw and I slept very well. Plus, it was nice in the room with the bed due to some cooling machine in the window. Paw went to bed first, then me. U have to understand, I'm an opportunist, so before Maw came to bed, I assumed the position...I think Maw refers to it as laying "perpindickular" to her. Again, they keep using these big words, I don't know what they mean. But it was kind of hard to fall asleep, Maw kept putting her feet in my face. I mean, really, a girl needs her beauty sleep, Maw can be so selfish sometimes. But I have come up with this plan...over the course of the nite, I make my way in between Maw and Paw and then I put my paws on Maw's back (or her stomach, depending on her position) and I push her away. This gives me a little more breething room. Maw moves around a lot at nite, grumbling something about not having any room. I know how she feels, I don't get enough room either!
OH LOOK, A BUG!!
Sorry, I diegress, lots of things get my attention, I appologise. Anyways, I see Maw on this machine all the time, so I wonder what it's all aboot. I think they call this a "blog", sounds like dog to me, so of course I am interested. I have things to say.
Yesterday, a friend of Maw's came over, think his name was Lee. He was the most interesting human I've ever smelled. He has 10 doggies like me, and there was lots to smell (I got a few good leads...will have to call them later). He was nice and Maw was very happy to see him. He liked us too, so he passed my inspection.
OH LOOK, ONE OF THE CATS!
Sorry again, I think I have the ADD, can't concentrate for long periods of time.
Maw really luvs me though, she says I keep her laughing all the time and I have very expressive eyebrows. Yeah, I'm cute, I know it. But everytime I put my face in her face, she moves me away. I like to be close, but humans have this ting called "purrsonal space". I don't grasp that idea. I like to be close to humans. The other dog in the house, Max, has been here longer than me. But he's so nice to me, he lets me play with him and pull him around the room by the skin on his neck. I'm a very jealous girl (I admit it) and I don't like it when Max gets any attention, so I muscle my way in and remind Maw and Paw that I'm around.
FOOD!!
I think I here some noise coming from the room with the bed. OH ok, it's just Paw getting redy for work. He leaves everyday and I'm sad, but then he comes back to us and I'm happy. I know the sound of his auto mobile and when I here it coming down the street, I am so happy I start running around. Maw gets happy too.
Last night, Maw complained about being hot...pleez...she's not the one wearing the fur coat. I try to give her some of my coat beecuz I like to share, but she always brushes it off. Doesn't she understand that that's quality fur she's getting? She's always saying how soft it is.
Bee right back, I have to go bark at some unseen danger outside...
Ok, false alarm...
Maw was holding this peece of paper in her hands and seemed very happy about it, so I peeked at it beecuz I'm curious. It had a bunch of numbers on it, I don't know what they mean, but I will copy it just like it looks...maybee u can figure out what it means.
May 8, 2009
CA27-29: 600
CEA: 37.4
June 19, 2009
CA27-29: 381
CEA: 13.4
August 7, 2009
CA27-29: 155
CEA: 3.7
Whatever it means, Maw and Paw are very happy about it! That makes me happy too!
OH LOOK, ANOTHER BUG!!
It's a little cooler this morning than it was yesterday, so maybee Maw can catch up on some sleep...I may join her...
Thank you for listening, well, actually, reading. I enjoyed this opportunitee to express my feelings!
Bye!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Self Image, Fear and Inner Calm
Looking in the mirror this morning, I took a look at myself...I haven't been looking at myself lately because I was afraid of what I would see. What did I see?
I saw that familiar face staring back at me, same eyes, same mouth, same nose, cheeks and forehead. I saw surprise, fear, sadness, fatigue...and calm. I saw my head. The hair has grown to about an inch, but still very thin and very gray. My eyelashes have all but fallen out, and my eyebrows have thinned a lot. I look like a "cancer patient". Do I feel like a cancer patient? Yes, sometimes, to be honest. Sometimes I fall into that "oh whoah is me" feeling and it's hard to shake. I go through periods where I don't want to do anything. And I mean anything. I feel that abyss of depression trying to suck me in. But I wake up everyday, I don't know how NOT to go on. It's hard, but if I do one thing everyday that I either aimed to do or just happened to do, I consider that a good day. Like today...I dusted the bedroom...it took me all day, but I did it.
I've realized that I am a lazy person, even pre-cancer. I've accepted that in myself. If I could eat out every night and have someone else cook and clean, I would be happy!
If my thoughts seem scattered, I apologize. It's hard to concentrate on things for a long period of time!
Let me catch you up on what's been going on. I had a blood transfusion, and that helped me with my energy tremendously...in fact, I even went rock-climbing.
And I made it to the top!
Had treatment on Friday, my blood levels were all back to normal, so treatment went on as usual. Picked up my wig, so you may see me sometime with hair! But you all know that I don't have hair, so I'm not fooling anyone! :)
At the end of the month, I am going to visit my sister Lizz in Chicago. I'm going for a week with my mom. If you know me, you know that I have panic attacks and I hate to fly. This is probably the hardest thing I've had to do in over so many years. I haven't flown in years. It's a short flight, so I'm hoping that I will make it ok. I try to imagine myself on the plane, taxing and then taking off, and it makes me go into panics. Fear. There has never been anything in my life that has been the hardest to deal with than fear. I can handle the cancer, but I've been struggling with panic since I was 13. Nothing makes me feel weaker, less in control or downright lousy than panic. This has been my cross that I've beared for so many years. Cancer? Pfft, that's nothing. That's why I don't feel like I'm a strong person at all. I'm not, I deal with a lot of fear. What am I afraid of? Why do I let myself be taken over by fear? I don't know. But I say to myself, "What could be worse than what you're already got?!" You got the disease that people dread. I have cancer, what else could be scarier?! This trip is so important in so many ways.
But there are days where I have such an inner calm, days where I feel like I can handle anything! I like those days. Bring it on!
I've been trying to listen to my body, listen to what it wants from me. When it tells me I need to sleep, I sleep, when it tells me to slow down, I will slow down.
I had a job interview a couple of weeks ago. It was with a small landscaping company here in Brookfield, looking for an office manager. I met the guy at his house, and his parents are staying with him until their house is built. It was a very weird interview. The mother kept popping into the office putting in her two cents. She then told me that this was her dream job, but her husband won't let her quit her job because her son can't pay her enough. THEN, at the end of the interview, she told me that she's going to hate anyone that gets that job anyways, because that's the job she wants. Ok. Psycho much? Can you imagine working there and having the mom criticizing the job you do all the time because she can do it better and she wants you to fail because she wants that job? LOL That was just a weird experience. Haha
I saw that familiar face staring back at me, same eyes, same mouth, same nose, cheeks and forehead. I saw surprise, fear, sadness, fatigue...and calm. I saw my head. The hair has grown to about an inch, but still very thin and very gray. My eyelashes have all but fallen out, and my eyebrows have thinned a lot. I look like a "cancer patient". Do I feel like a cancer patient? Yes, sometimes, to be honest. Sometimes I fall into that "oh whoah is me" feeling and it's hard to shake. I go through periods where I don't want to do anything. And I mean anything. I feel that abyss of depression trying to suck me in. But I wake up everyday, I don't know how NOT to go on. It's hard, but if I do one thing everyday that I either aimed to do or just happened to do, I consider that a good day. Like today...I dusted the bedroom...it took me all day, but I did it.
I've realized that I am a lazy person, even pre-cancer. I've accepted that in myself. If I could eat out every night and have someone else cook and clean, I would be happy!
If my thoughts seem scattered, I apologize. It's hard to concentrate on things for a long period of time!
Let me catch you up on what's been going on. I had a blood transfusion, and that helped me with my energy tremendously...in fact, I even went rock-climbing.
And I made it to the top!
Had treatment on Friday, my blood levels were all back to normal, so treatment went on as usual. Picked up my wig, so you may see me sometime with hair! But you all know that I don't have hair, so I'm not fooling anyone! :)
At the end of the month, I am going to visit my sister Lizz in Chicago. I'm going for a week with my mom. If you know me, you know that I have panic attacks and I hate to fly. This is probably the hardest thing I've had to do in over so many years. I haven't flown in years. It's a short flight, so I'm hoping that I will make it ok. I try to imagine myself on the plane, taxing and then taking off, and it makes me go into panics. Fear. There has never been anything in my life that has been the hardest to deal with than fear. I can handle the cancer, but I've been struggling with panic since I was 13. Nothing makes me feel weaker, less in control or downright lousy than panic. This has been my cross that I've beared for so many years. Cancer? Pfft, that's nothing. That's why I don't feel like I'm a strong person at all. I'm not, I deal with a lot of fear. What am I afraid of? Why do I let myself be taken over by fear? I don't know. But I say to myself, "What could be worse than what you're already got?!" You got the disease that people dread. I have cancer, what else could be scarier?! This trip is so important in so many ways.
But there are days where I have such an inner calm, days where I feel like I can handle anything! I like those days. Bring it on!
I've been trying to listen to my body, listen to what it wants from me. When it tells me I need to sleep, I sleep, when it tells me to slow down, I will slow down.
I had a job interview a couple of weeks ago. It was with a small landscaping company here in Brookfield, looking for an office manager. I met the guy at his house, and his parents are staying with him until their house is built. It was a very weird interview. The mother kept popping into the office putting in her two cents. She then told me that this was her dream job, but her husband won't let her quit her job because her son can't pay her enough. THEN, at the end of the interview, she told me that she's going to hate anyone that gets that job anyways, because that's the job she wants. Ok. Psycho much? Can you imagine working there and having the mom criticizing the job you do all the time because she can do it better and she wants you to fail because she wants that job? LOL That was just a weird experience. Haha
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Who's blood is it anyways?
Sorry for the silence, not much has been really going on. We went to Maine on the 4th, but it rained, so we didn't do much. It was nice to get away though. The dogs had fun, they were loose and fancy free.
After having a week off, went to Dana as usual. They took blood as usual. My red blood cell count, hemoglobin and platelet counts were L-O-W! Here are my counts vs. normal:
RBC Count: 2.73 (Normal 3.8-5.0)
Hemoglobin: 7.7 (Normal 11.9-15.0)
Platelet: 91 (Normal 155-410)
The doctor was called...he said he hasn't seen them this low. So he recommended a blood transfusion and he wants to hold off on treatment for a couple of weeks.
So I still got the Epo shot, but I had to come in on Saturday (yesterday) to get the blood transfusion. Well, that explains the exhaustion.
Went to my parent's for dinner, and decided to stay over, it would be silly to drive all the way home only to come back for 9am the next day.
The hospital has a different "feel" to it on Saturday, not as much hustle and bustle. More quiet. Less people. Less wait.
The nurse tried to get an IV in me, she blew the first vein, then tried the other hand, and couldn't get the IV in. Third times the charm, only with a different nurse. Finally got the IV in and they brought the blood in. My blood type is A+. The blood was donated from someone in Dedham. I got 2 pints into me and it was weird. I've never had a blood transfusion and watching the blood flow into me was a little unnerving and skeevy. I had someone else's blood flowing into me. So weird. But I am grateful for the donation! Maybe if I was a vampire I could've just bit into the bag and drank it! LOL The nurse said I wouldn't feel the effects until today. News flash: nothing yet, still exhausted. Guess I'm too impatient.
Yesterday, we had friends over for fireworks, East Brookfield had their fireworks yesterday. Guess what?? It started raining when they started them! Oh boy. This damn rain is damn depressing, we haven't had a summer and it's the middle of July. I need some sun.
So now I have 2 weeks off from treatment to give my blood marrow time to make red blood cells again. The doc said I'm very sensitive to chemo. Don't know if that's good or bad. Hopefully, the cancer is sensitive to chemo too!
After having a week off, went to Dana as usual. They took blood as usual. My red blood cell count, hemoglobin and platelet counts were L-O-W! Here are my counts vs. normal:
RBC Count: 2.73 (Normal 3.8-5.0)
Hemoglobin: 7.7 (Normal 11.9-15.0)
Platelet: 91 (Normal 155-410)
The doctor was called...he said he hasn't seen them this low. So he recommended a blood transfusion and he wants to hold off on treatment for a couple of weeks.
So I still got the Epo shot, but I had to come in on Saturday (yesterday) to get the blood transfusion. Well, that explains the exhaustion.
Went to my parent's for dinner, and decided to stay over, it would be silly to drive all the way home only to come back for 9am the next day.
The hospital has a different "feel" to it on Saturday, not as much hustle and bustle. More quiet. Less people. Less wait.
The nurse tried to get an IV in me, she blew the first vein, then tried the other hand, and couldn't get the IV in. Third times the charm, only with a different nurse. Finally got the IV in and they brought the blood in. My blood type is A+. The blood was donated from someone in Dedham. I got 2 pints into me and it was weird. I've never had a blood transfusion and watching the blood flow into me was a little unnerving and skeevy. I had someone else's blood flowing into me. So weird. But I am grateful for the donation! Maybe if I was a vampire I could've just bit into the bag and drank it! LOL The nurse said I wouldn't feel the effects until today. News flash: nothing yet, still exhausted. Guess I'm too impatient.
Yesterday, we had friends over for fireworks, East Brookfield had their fireworks yesterday. Guess what?? It started raining when they started them! Oh boy. This damn rain is damn depressing, we haven't had a summer and it's the middle of July. I need some sun.
So now I have 2 weeks off from treatment to give my blood marrow time to make red blood cells again. The doc said I'm very sensitive to chemo. Don't know if that's good or bad. Hopefully, the cancer is sensitive to chemo too!
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Chemo - Round 5 - Good News!
Chemo went without a hitch yesterday, no problems.
Met with the doctor. We checked my cancer markers and the one that came back went from 600 (!) DOWN to 381!!!!!!!!!! Dr. Silver was so excited about that, as were we! With only one round of chemo, the cancer marker went down by almost half! That's outstanding! The other 2 cancer markers were still outstanding, I will call next week to get those results. So things seem to be going in the right direction! My next appointment with the doctor is August 7th.
Also found out that I am anemic, which explains the fatigue and exhaustion I had last week. To counteract my low red blood cell count, I will be getting a shot of Erythropoietin, or "Epo". This will increase the amount of hemoglobin in the blood, allowing more oxygen to get to my cells. This will help. So, now I'm blood doping! LMAO I guess as long as I don't compete in the Tour de France, or other endurance sports, I should be legal! I don't foresee myself biking or swimming the English Channel anytime soon, so I'm safe! Look out Lance Armstrong, I'm coming for ya!
So I was hanging out waiting to get my blood taken and I got to talking to this very nice woman. She has ovarian cancer and she calls it "the gift that keeps on giving". She has ovarian cancer, then had a stroke, and now has brain tumors. What struck me about her was her continuous positive attitude! How amazing. I love talking to people like her, I admire people like that and strive to be like that. And it also keeps me centered. There are many amazing people out there. Keep fighting sisters!
Ordered my wig yesterday, so I should be getting it in about 10 days. I'll probably wear it for special occasions where hair is required! LMAO But I am really enjoying wearing scarves, I love not having to worry about what my hair looks like! And they come in thousands of different colors! And the little hair that's left on my head is softer, so it's not pinching me anymore. But I really really look like a cancer patient now! Thom told me I look like a cancer patient because I am one!! LMAO Nah, I'm just a person with cancer. Just like a person with diabetes.
Speaking of which, I've gotten questions about how long the chemo treatments will last. We are treating this cancer as a chronic illness, like diabetes, and like diabetics, they have to take insulin indefinitely to control the diabetes. I will have to take chemo indefinitely to control the cancer. That's the best way to explain it. Three weeks on, one week off x hopefully infinity! I can handle that. If it'll keep me alive, I'm all over that. So what if I'll never have hair again, bah, who cares?! Small price to pay.
Met with the doctor. We checked my cancer markers and the one that came back went from 600 (!) DOWN to 381!!!!!!!!!! Dr. Silver was so excited about that, as were we! With only one round of chemo, the cancer marker went down by almost half! That's outstanding! The other 2 cancer markers were still outstanding, I will call next week to get those results. So things seem to be going in the right direction! My next appointment with the doctor is August 7th.
Also found out that I am anemic, which explains the fatigue and exhaustion I had last week. To counteract my low red blood cell count, I will be getting a shot of Erythropoietin, or "Epo". This will increase the amount of hemoglobin in the blood, allowing more oxygen to get to my cells. This will help. So, now I'm blood doping! LMAO I guess as long as I don't compete in the Tour de France, or other endurance sports, I should be legal! I don't foresee myself biking or swimming the English Channel anytime soon, so I'm safe! Look out Lance Armstrong, I'm coming for ya!
So I was hanging out waiting to get my blood taken and I got to talking to this very nice woman. She has ovarian cancer and she calls it "the gift that keeps on giving". She has ovarian cancer, then had a stroke, and now has brain tumors. What struck me about her was her continuous positive attitude! How amazing. I love talking to people like her, I admire people like that and strive to be like that. And it also keeps me centered. There are many amazing people out there. Keep fighting sisters!
Ordered my wig yesterday, so I should be getting it in about 10 days. I'll probably wear it for special occasions where hair is required! LMAO But I am really enjoying wearing scarves, I love not having to worry about what my hair looks like! And they come in thousands of different colors! And the little hair that's left on my head is softer, so it's not pinching me anymore. But I really really look like a cancer patient now! Thom told me I look like a cancer patient because I am one!! LMAO Nah, I'm just a person with cancer. Just like a person with diabetes.
Speaking of which, I've gotten questions about how long the chemo treatments will last. We are treating this cancer as a chronic illness, like diabetes, and like diabetics, they have to take insulin indefinitely to control the diabetes. I will have to take chemo indefinitely to control the cancer. That's the best way to explain it. Three weeks on, one week off x hopefully infinity! I can handle that. If it'll keep me alive, I'm all over that. So what if I'll never have hair again, bah, who cares?! Small price to pay.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Chemo - Round 4
Hey guys!
Chemo went well, I was told that I wouldn't have to take the steroids the night before and the day of because I haven't had a reaction to the meds in awhile. That's good news because the steroids keep me up at night and get me all wired. AND Thom is afraid of me because of the 'roid rage! LOL No, not really, but it sounded funny! :)
I've been exhausted this round, but nothing that a nap can't remedy! Other than that, feeling good.
Next round is Friday and I see the doctor this time around. I'll be interested to hear what he has to say. No scans planned for Friday, so we'll see.
Thom and I and a bunch of friends are planning on going indoor rock climbing! I've never done this before but it looks like a blast and I'm excited to try it! We'll take pictures.
Until next time, smile...it makes people wonder what you are up to! :)
Chemo went well, I was told that I wouldn't have to take the steroids the night before and the day of because I haven't had a reaction to the meds in awhile. That's good news because the steroids keep me up at night and get me all wired. AND Thom is afraid of me because of the 'roid rage! LOL No, not really, but it sounded funny! :)
I've been exhausted this round, but nothing that a nap can't remedy! Other than that, feeling good.
Next round is Friday and I see the doctor this time around. I'll be interested to hear what he has to say. No scans planned for Friday, so we'll see.
Thom and I and a bunch of friends are planning on going indoor rock climbing! I've never done this before but it looks like a blast and I'm excited to try it! We'll take pictures.
Until next time, smile...it makes people wonder what you are up to! :)
Monday, June 8, 2009
Week Off
This was my week off from chemo. Can't say that it hasn't been eventful.
On Saturday, Thom had made an appointment for me to go to a Day Spa/Hair Salon to get my head shaved. I didn't have a very good experience at the place where I got my hair cut about a week and a half ago. They were ready to close up shop and the lady I had was very rushed and not very friendly, I just had the feeling that she was in a hurry to get out of there. Thom was mad and he wanted to make sure that the next place would treat me better and take care of me. And they did.
When we got to the Spa I was told that I was scheduled for a "few services"...I looked over at Thom and he smiled sheepishly. I thought I was just going to get my head shaved. He is such a tricksy hobbits!
The girl who shaved my head was very gentle and nice. She indulged me...I wanted her to give me a Mohawk before it was all shaved, here is the result:
Then she finished it off, so here is my impersonation of Britney Spears...just not insane...much!
It's definitely weird! It's prickly, but much better than sitting there watching the hair fall out in clumps. That was too disturbing for me.
When that was finished, I went to have a facial and a paraffin treatment on my hands. So pampered! While I was in having all this stuff done, Thom was alone...here is the result of that:
So now we are twins!! It touched me so much that he got his head shaved too.
I bought a scarf and a hat and I had my first "outing" on Sunday. It doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would...I can change my look anytime I want and now I don't have to stress about my hair, so it's ok.
Let's see, what else has been going on? Other than that, I'm reading the "Twilight" series and I'm enjoying it a lot. Even though the books were written for teenagers, I love vampires and find the story intriguing. Just watched the movie too, and I'm glad I read the book first, the movie leaves out so much!
Hope you found the photos entertaining!
On Saturday, Thom had made an appointment for me to go to a Day Spa/Hair Salon to get my head shaved. I didn't have a very good experience at the place where I got my hair cut about a week and a half ago. They were ready to close up shop and the lady I had was very rushed and not very friendly, I just had the feeling that she was in a hurry to get out of there. Thom was mad and he wanted to make sure that the next place would treat me better and take care of me. And they did.
When we got to the Spa I was told that I was scheduled for a "few services"...I looked over at Thom and he smiled sheepishly. I thought I was just going to get my head shaved. He is such a tricksy hobbits!
The girl who shaved my head was very gentle and nice. She indulged me...I wanted her to give me a Mohawk before it was all shaved, here is the result:
Then she finished it off, so here is my impersonation of Britney Spears...just not insane...much!
It's definitely weird! It's prickly, but much better than sitting there watching the hair fall out in clumps. That was too disturbing for me.
When that was finished, I went to have a facial and a paraffin treatment on my hands. So pampered! While I was in having all this stuff done, Thom was alone...here is the result of that:
So now we are twins!! It touched me so much that he got his head shaved too.
I bought a scarf and a hat and I had my first "outing" on Sunday. It doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would...I can change my look anytime I want and now I don't have to stress about my hair, so it's ok.
Let's see, what else has been going on? Other than that, I'm reading the "Twilight" series and I'm enjoying it a lot. Even though the books were written for teenagers, I love vampires and find the story intriguing. Just watched the movie too, and I'm glad I read the book first, the movie leaves out so much!
Hope you found the photos entertaining!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Chemo - Round 3
Well, I cut my hair on Saturday, short. It has begun to fall out. I run my hand through my hair and I get a handful of hair. I have to say, it's a little more disturbing than I had initially anticipated. I don't like to see all that hair. It may be time to shave the whole thing instead of waiting for it all to fall out. Sigh.
BUT it is only hair and it will grow back, so that's a comfort at least.
This last round of chemo went as smooth as silk, no reactions, no side effects. Feeling good. I have next week off.
Bought moisturizer for my face, the chemo has a very drying effect on my skin. They also recommended that I get scalp stuff to keep my head from drying out too. I'm probably going to order my wig and get some funky scarves. It's sure going to be weird looking at myself in the mirror...with no hair. I've always had long hair, so this is truly an adjustment.
On the way to Dana-Farber last Friday, I noticed the graffitti that's everywhere, I have to say, some of these people are truly artistic, it's too bad that they don't have a positive outlet for their skill. Some of it is really good! Just something I noticed.
BUT it is only hair and it will grow back, so that's a comfort at least.
This last round of chemo went as smooth as silk, no reactions, no side effects. Feeling good. I have next week off.
Bought moisturizer for my face, the chemo has a very drying effect on my skin. They also recommended that I get scalp stuff to keep my head from drying out too. I'm probably going to order my wig and get some funky scarves. It's sure going to be weird looking at myself in the mirror...with no hair. I've always had long hair, so this is truly an adjustment.
On the way to Dana-Farber last Friday, I noticed the graffitti that's everywhere, I have to say, some of these people are truly artistic, it's too bad that they don't have a positive outlet for their skill. Some of it is really good! Just something I noticed.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Chemo - Round 2
Ding Ding! Fighters come out of your corners and fight clean.
Had Round 2 of Chemo on Friday, and it went extremely well! No allergic reaction this time, thank goodness. I only had the Taxol infusion, the Avastin is every other week. I was sitting near a lady who just started Taxol too, and she had a very bad reaction, so bad that they are admitting her and giving her the Taxol while in the hospital as opposed to in the clinic. So things could always be worse...
Feeling fine so far.
Went for a wig fitting too. Tried on some funky styles and colors, and narrowed it down to 2. So depending on whether I lose a lot of hair, I may have a wig, which I must admit is appealing...no fuss no muss and it always looks the same! :) I was never a good hairstylist with my hair, it was always a pain in the ass for me. Always easier to put it up in a ponytail.
Found a new friend. His name is Mr. Bo Jangles and he is my little mouse companion.
Had Round 2 of Chemo on Friday, and it went extremely well! No allergic reaction this time, thank goodness. I only had the Taxol infusion, the Avastin is every other week. I was sitting near a lady who just started Taxol too, and she had a very bad reaction, so bad that they are admitting her and giving her the Taxol while in the hospital as opposed to in the clinic. So things could always be worse...
Feeling fine so far.
Went for a wig fitting too. Tried on some funky styles and colors, and narrowed it down to 2. So depending on whether I lose a lot of hair, I may have a wig, which I must admit is appealing...no fuss no muss and it always looks the same! :) I was never a good hairstylist with my hair, it was always a pain in the ass for me. Always easier to put it up in a ponytail.
Found a new friend. His name is Mr. Bo Jangles and he is my little mouse companion.
He'll be accompanying me on my treatments. Isn't he too cute? He smells like chamomile tea and you can heat him up in the microwave. Seems kinda cruel to me, so he won't be put in there.
As soon as Thom and I sat down, I had a volunteer offering food and food and more food. She gave us so much food, it was piled up on the table next to me. She threw like 3 bags of chips and popcorn at Thom, even after he said he was good! And then another volunteer would just randomly come by and leave a container of chicken salad or fruit salad. It's hilarious. Everyone is SO nice there. Thom told me that all the food is donated, and it's a lot of food. Gives you hope that there are still nice, caring people in the world.
Went to my parent's after treatment, had an awesome BBQ. Speaking of my parents...they have this dog, Skippy, I forget what kind of dog he is, a Shit-zu? Yes, I purposely misspelled that, because he's a little shit. From the day he came to my parents, he's been eating human food, he won't touch dog food...can't say I blame him...but he's a dog. We are eating BBQ rib eye and this little dog gets a fillet Mignon, asparagus, mashed potatoes and a piece of garlic bread. I almost fell off my chair. Are you kidding me?! LOL
Then we went to Dairy Queen...mmmm. Love their soft-serve twist with Jimmies. I can definitely get used to this ritual! :)
All the way home, Thom and I were jamming to tunes on the highway, dancing, playing air guitar, drums, singing (or trying to anyways!)...the people all around us must've thought we were nuts, and you know what? We are, and I love every minute of it!
Oh, here's a picture of me with my IV in:
You can see part of the table filled with food. So, my friends, until next time, peace out! My next treatment is 5/29/09.
There are some ladies that work with Thom that are doing the Susan B. Komen 3-day walk for cancer. Thom told them I would plug them here, so please donate if you have the means, I know times are tough right now. Save Second Base! Go B-Cups!
www.the3day.org/goto/Base2
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Chemo Day
Today was my first dose of chemo. Had to be at Dana-Farber by 11:30am to get an IV put in and blood taken. Then we had to wait for the doctor, he was running an hour late.
Met with the doctor and he had the results of the last CT scan. My liver is clean! No tumors in the liver. He did notice some fatty deposits in the liver which he said was pretty common and those deposits can sometimes raise the liver enzymes. But even though my liver was clean, he wanted to still start the chemo. I agreed.
After meeting with him, I was sent up to the "chemo suite". Hmm, was there champagne waiting? A breathtaking view? Umm, not really. I did have a view, of all the lovely cement, glass and metal buildings, and if I looked far enough toward the horizon, tilted my head and squinted, I could catch a glimpse of something green...trees perhaps? One can't be sure.
Met with my nurse, Jade, and she seems like a cool chick. Thom and I were discussing how amazing it is that there are so many nice people who work at Dana-Farber. With everything they see on a daily basis, they still have a wonderful sense of humor...which I appreciate, and enjoy! It makes the stay just a little bit easier.
Got some pre-treatments of Benadryl and Zantac. Man, the benadryl gave me some wicked bad "jimmy" legs, it felt like my legs were on fire and there were worms crawling under my skin. Those took about 20 minutes each to infuse. Then we started with the Avastin, which also took about 20 minutes. That went fine. When that was complete, we started on the Taxol, which was an hour infusion. 10 minutes into it, I felt very flush in my neck and face. I asked Thom if I looked red and he said no. Then the injection site started to burn and then immediately following that, my chest started getting tight and felt like it was on fire. I beeped the nurse and 5 of them and Dr. Silver were at my side in seconds. They stopped the infusion and gave me some more Benadryl and more steroids. Waited for those to finish and then we waited about 15 minutes before starting the infusion again. This time, they slowed down the drip and I tolerated that much better. When Jade noticed I was doing fine, she upped the speed back to normal and I was fine after that. Next week, we're going to start the infusion slow and work our way back up to normal speed.
What a weird sensation that was. My chest was broken out into a rash and the tips of my ears were hot as were my neck and face. Never had an allergic reaction before. But they've seen this so much, they knew exactly what to do. I was safe.
An amazing thing happened today too. While we were waiting for the doctor, there was a lady who was alone sitting across from us who obviously was having chemo and she had her headphones on. I noticed that she was looking over at Thom and me a bit but didn't think anything of it (we are insane, so we get looked at alot!). Towards the end of my infusion, I saw her walk by on her way out. She stopped and came back to us and told us that she's seen many couples at Dana but she has never seen a couple like us who have this extraordinary connection. She told us that she enjoyed sitting across from us and watching our interactions together. I was very touched that this stranger took time to come over and tell me what an amazing relationship Thom and I have. I've always known we do, but when someone else sees that, it makes me swell with pride and joy. I've said it before and I will always say it, I'm so lucky and blessed to have Thom.
Went to see my parents and they fed us. That will be a ritual probably from now on. Oh, and stopping at Dairy Queen on the way home!
And I found out that I will be having 4 week cycles of chemo: 3 weeks on, and 1 week off. I will see the doctor every 5 weeks (at the beginning of each new cycle). So at least now I know the routine. I wasn't sure of it last week. The doctor made it sound like it was a constant weekly thing. So I get a week off, which is nice.
I was feeling fine, just tired from all the Benadryl until 10pm tonight, then I got chills (no fever, just chills, which is weird) and muscle and joint aches. What the hell? I thought the hormone treatments were the things giving me that pain. Now I'm back to square one and not knowing what is causing the muscle and joint pain. The doctor said that I might have muscle pains, but that doesn't usually occur until 2-3 days AFTER the chemo. This is 6 hours post. We didn't leave the hospital until a little past 6, so it was a very long day for us.
Now I can't sleep. Sigh.
Met with the doctor and he had the results of the last CT scan. My liver is clean! No tumors in the liver. He did notice some fatty deposits in the liver which he said was pretty common and those deposits can sometimes raise the liver enzymes. But even though my liver was clean, he wanted to still start the chemo. I agreed.
After meeting with him, I was sent up to the "chemo suite". Hmm, was there champagne waiting? A breathtaking view? Umm, not really. I did have a view, of all the lovely cement, glass and metal buildings, and if I looked far enough toward the horizon, tilted my head and squinted, I could catch a glimpse of something green...trees perhaps? One can't be sure.
Met with my nurse, Jade, and she seems like a cool chick. Thom and I were discussing how amazing it is that there are so many nice people who work at Dana-Farber. With everything they see on a daily basis, they still have a wonderful sense of humor...which I appreciate, and enjoy! It makes the stay just a little bit easier.
Got some pre-treatments of Benadryl and Zantac. Man, the benadryl gave me some wicked bad "jimmy" legs, it felt like my legs were on fire and there were worms crawling under my skin. Those took about 20 minutes each to infuse. Then we started with the Avastin, which also took about 20 minutes. That went fine. When that was complete, we started on the Taxol, which was an hour infusion. 10 minutes into it, I felt very flush in my neck and face. I asked Thom if I looked red and he said no. Then the injection site started to burn and then immediately following that, my chest started getting tight and felt like it was on fire. I beeped the nurse and 5 of them and Dr. Silver were at my side in seconds. They stopped the infusion and gave me some more Benadryl and more steroids. Waited for those to finish and then we waited about 15 minutes before starting the infusion again. This time, they slowed down the drip and I tolerated that much better. When Jade noticed I was doing fine, she upped the speed back to normal and I was fine after that. Next week, we're going to start the infusion slow and work our way back up to normal speed.
What a weird sensation that was. My chest was broken out into a rash and the tips of my ears were hot as were my neck and face. Never had an allergic reaction before. But they've seen this so much, they knew exactly what to do. I was safe.
An amazing thing happened today too. While we were waiting for the doctor, there was a lady who was alone sitting across from us who obviously was having chemo and she had her headphones on. I noticed that she was looking over at Thom and me a bit but didn't think anything of it (we are insane, so we get looked at alot!). Towards the end of my infusion, I saw her walk by on her way out. She stopped and came back to us and told us that she's seen many couples at Dana but she has never seen a couple like us who have this extraordinary connection. She told us that she enjoyed sitting across from us and watching our interactions together. I was very touched that this stranger took time to come over and tell me what an amazing relationship Thom and I have. I've always known we do, but when someone else sees that, it makes me swell with pride and joy. I've said it before and I will always say it, I'm so lucky and blessed to have Thom.
Went to see my parents and they fed us. That will be a ritual probably from now on. Oh, and stopping at Dairy Queen on the way home!
And I found out that I will be having 4 week cycles of chemo: 3 weeks on, and 1 week off. I will see the doctor every 5 weeks (at the beginning of each new cycle). So at least now I know the routine. I wasn't sure of it last week. The doctor made it sound like it was a constant weekly thing. So I get a week off, which is nice.
I was feeling fine, just tired from all the Benadryl until 10pm tonight, then I got chills (no fever, just chills, which is weird) and muscle and joint aches. What the hell? I thought the hormone treatments were the things giving me that pain. Now I'm back to square one and not knowing what is causing the muscle and joint pain. The doctor said that I might have muscle pains, but that doesn't usually occur until 2-3 days AFTER the chemo. This is 6 hours post. We didn't leave the hospital until a little past 6, so it was a very long day for us.
Now I can't sleep. Sigh.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Next Chapter
I've waited to post this new entry, trying to get a grip on things.
Went to see the oncologist on Friday, he wanted blood taken to see where the cancer markers stood. The only one that came back was the CEA. It went from 17.1 in February to 37.4. He told me that although he's had patients who've had CEA's in the thousands, and mine wasn't an "emergency", he's concerned that the pattern was going in the wrong direction. He was also concerned about my liver enzymes. My ALT/SGPT was 82 and my AST/SGOT was 48, both high. He was concerned enough about the enzymes that he ordered an impromptu CT scan. Although I just had a CT scan in February and my liver was clean, he's concerned that the cancer has now spread to my liver. (My liver, my liver...) <---That was an old Beavis and Butthead reference.
I haven't gotten the results of the CT Scan yet, so I don't know if it's in my liver. I'm still feeling fine, which is a kick in the teeth. How can I have cancer? I feel fine, I look fine. I'm still feeling betrayed by my body. How could this have happened? I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, I don't drink. Granted, exercise to me is like the plague, but still. How could it turn on me like this?
In response to these new developments, he wants to start chemotherapy. I will be having my first dose of poison on Friday, May 15th. This will be a WEEKLY thing, every Friday, I will have to go into Dana-Farber and subject myself to chemo. He's starting me on a cocktail of Taxol/Avastin. Wish it was a good cocktail, like that peachy dreamy concoction from the Outback Steakhouse, the Wallaby Damned. Mmmm.
The infusion will last about 3-4 hours. Want to hear the kicker? The substance that the chemo is suspended in is Cremaphor...which many people are allergic to. So...I have to take steroids 12 hours prior and the day of the infusion. I mean really? It's not bad enough, but now I have to worry about an allergic reaction? Damn it all together.
Some of the lovely side effects? You know there are some. Let's see, where do I start? Tingling of the hands and feet, which gets worse with each subsequent dose. WONDERFUL! Do you know how frickin annoying it is when your hands and/or feet fall asleep and then they start to wake up? I'll be feeling that on a day-to-day basis. Muscle pain, high blood pressure, low platelet blood cell count, which may cause nose bleeds or other bleeding, slow wound healing, and hair loss. The only positive thing is that he hasn't seen nausea in his patients on this combo. At least I won't be puking in the toilet.
I have an appointment to have a wig fitting on May 22nd at the Friend's Boutique at Dana-Farber. I'll be cutting my hair...again. I'm not cutting it until after I actually get dosed with the stuff. Thom was cute, he told me that he'd shave his head when I lose my hair. Solidarity! I was also wondering what my head looks like...will it have weird bumps? It's going to be pale, so I'll have to tan it a bit so it doesn't blind people in the sunlight. :) I'll be getting a bunch of funky wigs, pinks and purples etc. Might as well have fun with it. I was also thinking of having it tattooed with Henna, I think that would be groovy. It's not permanent, so at least if I don't like it, it'll go away. I won't have to worry about having a "bad" hair day...I'll just have a "NO HAIR" day...I already have a baseball cap that reads "No Hair Day". I'll wear pretty scarves and hats and stuff...I can get a wide-brimmed hat, put on sunglasses and pretend I'm Jackie O hiding out from the paparazzi! "No, I'm sorry, I have no comment today."
Aside from all that, I have to admit, I'm pretty scared. There's no "cycle", like after 8 weeks, we'll reevaluate. It sounds to me like I'll be on this constantly. Does this mean I'll never have hair again? Will I be on chemo for the rest of my life? I don't know the answers. Dr. Silver said that we can take a break if we want to go on vacation and stuff, but other than that, it sounds like it'll be constant. He repeated that although I'll never be "cured", the best we can do is keep the cancer beaten into submission. He seems optimistic, which makes me feel better. I've also had the feeling that chemo was in my future. I'm almost glad, I didn't have much faith in the hormone therapy. It did it's job, but it's time to bring in the big guns. I'm ready, I think. I also have a feeling in my heart that this will work.
Funny, but I had a memory. When I was about 10-12, I always had the thought that I was going to "get" cancer. Just had that feeling. And I had the feeling that I would not have children. Why am I telling you these things? Seems like I knew the future before it happened. But as a kid, you just brush those things aside, didn't pay much attention to them. Maybe we are all a little clairvoyant. Or maybe, just me.
In other news, Captain Cinnamon Buns (LMAO, aka Captain Mayo) is moving again...to the other side of Dubai. His plane is still not working. Keep those postcards and cards coming Jim, they brighten my day like you'd never know. I miss you. Gasp! Did I just say that?! Delete, delete! ;)
I have some good news, my unemployment checks finally kicked in! Leave it to the good ole State of Massachusetts to save money where they can...instead of just sending out ONE big check, they sent me 8 INDIVIDUAL checks, all on the same day. Gotta love it. So at least we have a little more money coming in. That was a relief.
Still no job prospects. But now I'm thinking...do I want to go back to work? How do I handle this at an interview?
"Yes, I would like to work for you, but I can only work 4 days a week and I will be needing every Friday off because I have to go into Boston and get chemo." But please, hire me. I think this will put a damper on any job prospects I may have had. I'll have to reevaluate this at a later date.
I may be posting more often, like on a weekly basis to talk about how I'm doing on the chemo, etc. Sorry I've been negligent on my posting lately. But...it's my blog, and I will blog if I want to. Ha!
Saw the new Star Trek movie! Loved it!! The casting was perfect I thought. Well done.
Until next time, "Live long and prosper."
Went to see the oncologist on Friday, he wanted blood taken to see where the cancer markers stood. The only one that came back was the CEA. It went from 17.1 in February to 37.4. He told me that although he's had patients who've had CEA's in the thousands, and mine wasn't an "emergency", he's concerned that the pattern was going in the wrong direction. He was also concerned about my liver enzymes. My ALT/SGPT was 82 and my AST/SGOT was 48, both high. He was concerned enough about the enzymes that he ordered an impromptu CT scan. Although I just had a CT scan in February and my liver was clean, he's concerned that the cancer has now spread to my liver. (My liver, my liver...) <---That was an old Beavis and Butthead reference.
I haven't gotten the results of the CT Scan yet, so I don't know if it's in my liver. I'm still feeling fine, which is a kick in the teeth. How can I have cancer? I feel fine, I look fine. I'm still feeling betrayed by my body. How could this have happened? I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, I don't drink. Granted, exercise to me is like the plague, but still. How could it turn on me like this?
In response to these new developments, he wants to start chemotherapy. I will be having my first dose of poison on Friday, May 15th. This will be a WEEKLY thing, every Friday, I will have to go into Dana-Farber and subject myself to chemo. He's starting me on a cocktail of Taxol/Avastin. Wish it was a good cocktail, like that peachy dreamy concoction from the Outback Steakhouse, the Wallaby Damned. Mmmm.
The infusion will last about 3-4 hours. Want to hear the kicker? The substance that the chemo is suspended in is Cremaphor...which many people are allergic to. So...I have to take steroids 12 hours prior and the day of the infusion. I mean really? It's not bad enough, but now I have to worry about an allergic reaction? Damn it all together.
Some of the lovely side effects? You know there are some. Let's see, where do I start? Tingling of the hands and feet, which gets worse with each subsequent dose. WONDERFUL! Do you know how frickin annoying it is when your hands and/or feet fall asleep and then they start to wake up? I'll be feeling that on a day-to-day basis. Muscle pain, high blood pressure, low platelet blood cell count, which may cause nose bleeds or other bleeding, slow wound healing, and hair loss. The only positive thing is that he hasn't seen nausea in his patients on this combo. At least I won't be puking in the toilet.
I have an appointment to have a wig fitting on May 22nd at the Friend's Boutique at Dana-Farber. I'll be cutting my hair...again. I'm not cutting it until after I actually get dosed with the stuff. Thom was cute, he told me that he'd shave his head when I lose my hair. Solidarity! I was also wondering what my head looks like...will it have weird bumps? It's going to be pale, so I'll have to tan it a bit so it doesn't blind people in the sunlight. :) I'll be getting a bunch of funky wigs, pinks and purples etc. Might as well have fun with it. I was also thinking of having it tattooed with Henna, I think that would be groovy. It's not permanent, so at least if I don't like it, it'll go away. I won't have to worry about having a "bad" hair day...I'll just have a "NO HAIR" day...I already have a baseball cap that reads "No Hair Day". I'll wear pretty scarves and hats and stuff...I can get a wide-brimmed hat, put on sunglasses and pretend I'm Jackie O hiding out from the paparazzi! "No, I'm sorry, I have no comment today."
Aside from all that, I have to admit, I'm pretty scared. There's no "cycle", like after 8 weeks, we'll reevaluate. It sounds to me like I'll be on this constantly. Does this mean I'll never have hair again? Will I be on chemo for the rest of my life? I don't know the answers. Dr. Silver said that we can take a break if we want to go on vacation and stuff, but other than that, it sounds like it'll be constant. He repeated that although I'll never be "cured", the best we can do is keep the cancer beaten into submission. He seems optimistic, which makes me feel better. I've also had the feeling that chemo was in my future. I'm almost glad, I didn't have much faith in the hormone therapy. It did it's job, but it's time to bring in the big guns. I'm ready, I think. I also have a feeling in my heart that this will work.
Funny, but I had a memory. When I was about 10-12, I always had the thought that I was going to "get" cancer. Just had that feeling. And I had the feeling that I would not have children. Why am I telling you these things? Seems like I knew the future before it happened. But as a kid, you just brush those things aside, didn't pay much attention to them. Maybe we are all a little clairvoyant. Or maybe, just me.
In other news, Captain Cinnamon Buns (LMAO, aka Captain Mayo) is moving again...to the other side of Dubai. His plane is still not working. Keep those postcards and cards coming Jim, they brighten my day like you'd never know. I miss you. Gasp! Did I just say that?! Delete, delete! ;)
I have some good news, my unemployment checks finally kicked in! Leave it to the good ole State of Massachusetts to save money where they can...instead of just sending out ONE big check, they sent me 8 INDIVIDUAL checks, all on the same day. Gotta love it. So at least we have a little more money coming in. That was a relief.
Still no job prospects. But now I'm thinking...do I want to go back to work? How do I handle this at an interview?
"Yes, I would like to work for you, but I can only work 4 days a week and I will be needing every Friday off because I have to go into Boston and get chemo." But please, hire me. I think this will put a damper on any job prospects I may have had. I'll have to reevaluate this at a later date.
I may be posting more often, like on a weekly basis to talk about how I'm doing on the chemo, etc. Sorry I've been negligent on my posting lately. But...it's my blog, and I will blog if I want to. Ha!
Saw the new Star Trek movie! Loved it!! The casting was perfect I thought. Well done.
Until next time, "Live long and prosper."
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
2 Years
On Saturday, it was 2 years since my diagnosis. It's still bittersweet to me, Thom wants to make a day to celebrate. I mean, it's great that it's been 2 years, I feel pretty good and I'm doing well with my treatment. On the flip side, it's been 2 years that my life changed forever. I'm trying to think of it as a good thing.
Still unemployed. Unemployment hasn't kicked in yet, so it's been a rough 2 months.
Other than that, things have been quiet. The weather has been beautiful, the dogs are loving it.
Pretty boring report, hopefully, I'll have more to write about soon!
I see the doctor on May 8th in Boston, we're going to discuss the treatment. No scans because I had a scan in February, so we're going to look at the cancer markers that we track in the blood to figure out if the treatment is still working or if we need to change things up. I'll let you know.
OH, if you leave me a comment, please tell me who you are! In my last post, there was a comment about a massage? and the person didn't leave their name, I can't figure out who it was that left it...truth be told...it freaked me out a little! :) Thanks!
Still unemployed. Unemployment hasn't kicked in yet, so it's been a rough 2 months.
Other than that, things have been quiet. The weather has been beautiful, the dogs are loving it.
Pretty boring report, hopefully, I'll have more to write about soon!
I see the doctor on May 8th in Boston, we're going to discuss the treatment. No scans because I had a scan in February, so we're going to look at the cancer markers that we track in the blood to figure out if the treatment is still working or if we need to change things up. I'll let you know.
OH, if you leave me a comment, please tell me who you are! In my last post, there was a comment about a massage? and the person didn't leave their name, I can't figure out who it was that left it...truth be told...it freaked me out a little! :) Thanks!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
In a Funk
I've been in a funk (what's that smell??) since I've lost my job about a month ago. I don't feel like I have a purpose anymore...not that controlling documents was a life-saving job anyways, but it gave me something to do.
Lately, my day usually consists of:
-not sleeping the previous night because I can't shut my mind off
-seeing Thom off to work
-staying in bed watching Angel and Charmed until 11am or so
-get up, maybe eat some lunch
-look for a job
-stay in my pj's all day because I'm too lazy to get dressed
-lather, rinse, repeat
I don't mind being at home, but I feel lost.
Everytime I look for a job, I get all stressed out because I keep thinking of the job that I had and that I won't ever find another job like that in Worcester that paid me some decent money. Sigh.
Purpose. That word reminded me of something. Growing up, I read the kid's magazine, "Highlights - Fun with a purpose." For the longest time, I thought it read, "Highlights - Fun with a porpoise." I always wondered what a dolphin had to do with anything, but I went with it. Then, when I got older, I realized it read Purpose, not porpoise. I still laugh about that today. So go out today and have fun with a porpoise!!
This friday I'm meeting up with a bunch of friends from ex-work to hang out and catch up. I'm looking forward to it, I miss those guys. They always made my day. They used to always wonder and ask me how I can smile all the time. What they didn't realize was that THEY were the reason I was always smiling. Just seeing them made me break out into a huge grin. They are the smartest, funniest, REAL people I've ever met. Maybe it wasn't the job that gave me purpose, it was them. They are what I miss the most and a huge hole has been left in me. I cry everytime I think of them (like I am right now). Deep sigh.
But look, it's now 8:30 and I'm up, showered, dressed in clothes and not pjs, I've eaten breakfast and I have a couple of phone calls to make. I'm going to try to get back into some semblance of a routine. It may mean taking a nap in the afternoon, but at least I'm up. Trying to get back to "normal", whatever that may be.
I've also been tossing the idea around about writing a book. But then I'm thinking, "What do I know about writing a book?" I feel I write like I talk, and I know nothing of protagonists and antagonists and having a plot, etc. What will the book be about? I guess me. So that gets me to thinking, "Who the hell would want to read a book about me? Who the hell am I?" Aside from you, my loyal readers, I can't see it being a best seller! :) I have a rough outline done already, to give some direction, but I also babble and go off on tangents. So who knows if this will ever come to fruition.
Speaking of writers, my sister Lizz, is an AWESOME writer! She writes what I consider "author-worthy" stuff. This is just a sample of her writing:
Wow, I was just blown away by this. The comparison between a symphony and murder was breathtaking. It's visual, it holds your attention and it's raw. Awesome job, Lizz, I'm so proud of you!!
Lately, my day usually consists of:
-not sleeping the previous night because I can't shut my mind off
-seeing Thom off to work
-staying in bed watching Angel and Charmed until 11am or so
-get up, maybe eat some lunch
-look for a job
-stay in my pj's all day because I'm too lazy to get dressed
-lather, rinse, repeat
I don't mind being at home, but I feel lost.
Everytime I look for a job, I get all stressed out because I keep thinking of the job that I had and that I won't ever find another job like that in Worcester that paid me some decent money. Sigh.
Purpose. That word reminded me of something. Growing up, I read the kid's magazine, "Highlights - Fun with a purpose." For the longest time, I thought it read, "Highlights - Fun with a porpoise." I always wondered what a dolphin had to do with anything, but I went with it. Then, when I got older, I realized it read Purpose, not porpoise. I still laugh about that today. So go out today and have fun with a porpoise!!
This friday I'm meeting up with a bunch of friends from ex-work to hang out and catch up. I'm looking forward to it, I miss those guys. They always made my day. They used to always wonder and ask me how I can smile all the time. What they didn't realize was that THEY were the reason I was always smiling. Just seeing them made me break out into a huge grin. They are the smartest, funniest, REAL people I've ever met. Maybe it wasn't the job that gave me purpose, it was them. They are what I miss the most and a huge hole has been left in me. I cry everytime I think of them (like I am right now). Deep sigh.
But look, it's now 8:30 and I'm up, showered, dressed in clothes and not pjs, I've eaten breakfast and I have a couple of phone calls to make. I'm going to try to get back into some semblance of a routine. It may mean taking a nap in the afternoon, but at least I'm up. Trying to get back to "normal", whatever that may be.
I've also been tossing the idea around about writing a book. But then I'm thinking, "What do I know about writing a book?" I feel I write like I talk, and I know nothing of protagonists and antagonists and having a plot, etc. What will the book be about? I guess me. So that gets me to thinking, "Who the hell would want to read a book about me? Who the hell am I?" Aside from you, my loyal readers, I can't see it being a best seller! :) I have a rough outline done already, to give some direction, but I also babble and go off on tangents. So who knows if this will ever come to fruition.
Speaking of writers, my sister Lizz, is an AWESOME writer! She writes what I consider "author-worthy" stuff. This is just a sample of her writing:
Warning: the following may be disturbing to some viewers. Viewer discretion is advised. But, please let me know what you think...
The bushes serve me well in my purpose. I have become rather proficient at waiting. The suspense is sometimes enough to satisfy me. Finally, you emerge and walk steadily across the deserted lot, your wedding ring reflecting a light that gains no entrance to my unblinking eye. My heart pounds in my ears as my attention shifts momentarily to the weapon of your reckoning and the instrument of my masterpiece: the knife, it weighs heavy in my pocket. Its handle feels good in my hand. I long to wield it all about your body like a maestro conducting his orchestra. But, I release my grasp with a heavy heart for you just turned around and went back inside, most likely to gather an escort for your second attempt to your car.
It was as if you knew eyes were upon you. It was as if you could smell my hatred for you. Now, I must return home and wait for your arrival with a loosened tie, all the while rehearsing my performance of the hard day I should have had for when you ask me how it was.
The man behind the bushes reveals his true intent. The man you see at home is but a shadow of the one he wants to be. Until then, I wait for the perfect moment when I can have you where I want you. I can envision it so clearly. I will close my fingers around the back of your slender neck, staring into the eyes that once loved me. And, with one final swish of my knife across your throat, I conclude the symphony of your screams and bow my head to accept the applause.
Wow, I was just blown away by this. The comparison between a symphony and murder was breathtaking. It's visual, it holds your attention and it's raw. Awesome job, Lizz, I'm so proud of you!!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Unemployed
On March 3rd, I lost my job at Athena Diagnostics. It's been rough because I really enjoyed that job and I had a lot of friends there.
Sleep hasn't come easy because of the stress of not having a steady second income coming in.
Other than the stress, I've been enjoying my time at home. I've been getting plenty of sleep, so I'm as tired as I have been, I have some energy now and I've been able to do stuff around the house that I've been neglecting. It's good for the body, giving it the amount of rest it needs. Lately, I've been in a constant state of exhaustion.
But I miss my friends. No one at work is telling them the real story, so they are angry, upset, sad and scared for their own jobs. It bothers me when upper management doesn't explain things to their employees, instead, letting people gossip and speculate about what really happened. It's sad.
I've begun the job hunting in earnest, looking at both monster.com and careerbuilder.com. I'm going to give my name to some headhunters also and see where it takes me. I think I'm interested in doing some administrative assisting, something where I can use my organizational skills and my OCD! :) I'm also trying to stay in Worcester.
Captain Mayo is leaving tomorrow. His plane is not ready, and his company has decided to sue the mechanic. The damn plane's been broken since September. The timing sucks because now I'm home and he's leaving!
I got the results from my latest scan and my liver is clear. Those ER doctors had told me that they saw some spots on my liver, so my oncologist wanted to be sure there was nothing. And there isn't, so that's good.
I've joined a book club. It's mostly people from ex-work. I love it because it forces me to read. I love to read, but always find something else to do. We've read some good books and it's lots of fun. Intelligent conversation, fun times, friends.
That's basically it from my part of the world. Sorry I've been out of touch for awhile.
Sleep hasn't come easy because of the stress of not having a steady second income coming in.
Other than the stress, I've been enjoying my time at home. I've been getting plenty of sleep, so I'm as tired as I have been, I have some energy now and I've been able to do stuff around the house that I've been neglecting. It's good for the body, giving it the amount of rest it needs. Lately, I've been in a constant state of exhaustion.
But I miss my friends. No one at work is telling them the real story, so they are angry, upset, sad and scared for their own jobs. It bothers me when upper management doesn't explain things to their employees, instead, letting people gossip and speculate about what really happened. It's sad.
I've begun the job hunting in earnest, looking at both monster.com and careerbuilder.com. I'm going to give my name to some headhunters also and see where it takes me. I think I'm interested in doing some administrative assisting, something where I can use my organizational skills and my OCD! :) I'm also trying to stay in Worcester.
Captain Mayo is leaving tomorrow. His plane is not ready, and his company has decided to sue the mechanic. The damn plane's been broken since September. The timing sucks because now I'm home and he's leaving!
I got the results from my latest scan and my liver is clear. Those ER doctors had told me that they saw some spots on my liver, so my oncologist wanted to be sure there was nothing. And there isn't, so that's good.
I've joined a book club. It's mostly people from ex-work. I love it because it forces me to read. I love to read, but always find something else to do. We've read some good books and it's lots of fun. Intelligent conversation, fun times, friends.
That's basically it from my part of the world. Sorry I've been out of touch for awhile.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
The Fork
So we have this fork at home...it's kind of old, been through the ringer. It's bent out of shape, the tines all messed up and not even. The bend of the fork is a bit off too. All in all, it's a sad-looking fork. Must've gotten caught in the mechanisms in the dishwasher. But we still have it. It has a name. We call it the fucked-up fork.
We try to avoid using it when we eat. It's usually always the last fork in the drawer. There it is, sitting in the utensil drawer, all by itself. Pathetic.
Every once in awhile, we'll try to trick each other and give the other the fork. We try to be subtle about it so the other doesn't notice. We'll stick it in the plate under the food, so you have to eat with it to figure out it's THE fork. Then we turn and yell at the other, "UH, you gave me the fucked-up fork, what the hell?! NICE!" And so it goes, back and forth.
The other night, I made dinner, but I forgot to hide the fork. I placed it on the table in front of Thom. I didn't think he'd notice because he was on the laptop. I brought in dinner and then left the room to get drinks. I sit down to eat, happy that he's got THE fork and I waited for his reaction...
Meanwhile, he's looking at me with this "I ate the canary" grin and I'm wondering why the hell he's looking at me like that. I took a mouthful of food.
"UH! You gave ME the fucked-up fork, what the hell?!?! I had given it to you and you SWITCHED them when I was out of the room! UH!"
My friend Sue says "Hi!" to all of you out there in cyberspace!
We try to avoid using it when we eat. It's usually always the last fork in the drawer. There it is, sitting in the utensil drawer, all by itself. Pathetic.
Every once in awhile, we'll try to trick each other and give the other the fork. We try to be subtle about it so the other doesn't notice. We'll stick it in the plate under the food, so you have to eat with it to figure out it's THE fork. Then we turn and yell at the other, "UH, you gave me the fucked-up fork, what the hell?! NICE!" And so it goes, back and forth.
The other night, I made dinner, but I forgot to hide the fork. I placed it on the table in front of Thom. I didn't think he'd notice because he was on the laptop. I brought in dinner and then left the room to get drinks. I sit down to eat, happy that he's got THE fork and I waited for his reaction...
Meanwhile, he's looking at me with this "I ate the canary" grin and I'm wondering why the hell he's looking at me like that. I took a mouthful of food.
"UH! You gave ME the fucked-up fork, what the hell?!?! I had given it to you and you SWITCHED them when I was out of the room! UH!"
My friend Sue says "Hi!" to all of you out there in cyberspace!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Long Nights
It's amazing how long the night is when you are fully awake, staring into the darkness. Last night was a pretty long night. I was up until 5:00am. I'm trying not to take any more percosets because I'll be going back to work soon, but at 5am, I gave up and took one. Slept until 12:30 this afternoon. It's crazy, the pain is always much worse at night.
My schedule is all messed up now. Since I was in the hospital, I haven't had a good night's sleep. Sleeping at times I'm supposed to be awake, awake when I'm supposed to be asleep. Nothing to do...but think.
The hole in my back is pretty much healed up, but the pain is not gone. It's much better, mind you, but still present. I have my follow-up appointment with my doctor tomorrow, so we'll see what he says.
This has by far been the worst pain of my life...so far. I'm thankful that the drugs they gave me helped me to forget, I don't remember much. The last thing I remember is being in the radiology hallway in my stretcher, waiting to go in to get the tube placed in my back. A doctor came out and told me what to expect, and she was going to give me some "happy juice". That's the last thing I remember. Next thing I know, I'm in my hospital bed, I don't even remember the recovery room. I was told that I was in the recovery room longer than they expected.
Thom told me it's a good thing I don't remember because he said that I was miserable. I was in a lot of pain and I told him that this was the worst pain ever.
They got all the stones from the left side. I can't remember how many the doctor removed, but it was more than 2. I had asked him in the office when I first met him if I could keep one of the stones, and he just looked at me and told me that was crazy. I want to see what these buggers look like, these things that are the cause of so much pain. Not so crazy, kind of natural I would think, to want to see something like this. Maybe a little weird, but not crazy.
Libby came over yesterday for a Saw movie marathon. We watched all 5 Saw movies and it was the most intense, stressful (in a good way) 10 hours!! Great movies, lots of gore and blood, not for the fainthearted. All 5 movies intertwined, but Libby and I still have some questions, which better be answered in the 6th movie! I marveled at the ingeniousness (is that a word) of the torture devices used in those movies. How twisted of a mind must you have to even dream up such mechanisms for a movie?? Brilliant. Thanks to Thom for going out and buying the 5th movie so that we could finish the marathon properly!
Tomorrow I have doctor appointments, one with the urologist in the morning, and then I have to go into Boston to Dana-Farber for the CT Scan I was supposed to have two weeks ago. I messed it up by eating, so I had to reschedule. It's going to be a long day.
I want to thank you all for the good wishes and thoughts! It's nice not having to work, but I think next time, I will choose a less painful way to stay out of work! :) The weather has been so mild, but I haven't gotten to enjoy it.
My schedule is all messed up now. Since I was in the hospital, I haven't had a good night's sleep. Sleeping at times I'm supposed to be awake, awake when I'm supposed to be asleep. Nothing to do...but think.
The hole in my back is pretty much healed up, but the pain is not gone. It's much better, mind you, but still present. I have my follow-up appointment with my doctor tomorrow, so we'll see what he says.
This has by far been the worst pain of my life...so far. I'm thankful that the drugs they gave me helped me to forget, I don't remember much. The last thing I remember is being in the radiology hallway in my stretcher, waiting to go in to get the tube placed in my back. A doctor came out and told me what to expect, and she was going to give me some "happy juice". That's the last thing I remember. Next thing I know, I'm in my hospital bed, I don't even remember the recovery room. I was told that I was in the recovery room longer than they expected.
Thom told me it's a good thing I don't remember because he said that I was miserable. I was in a lot of pain and I told him that this was the worst pain ever.
They got all the stones from the left side. I can't remember how many the doctor removed, but it was more than 2. I had asked him in the office when I first met him if I could keep one of the stones, and he just looked at me and told me that was crazy. I want to see what these buggers look like, these things that are the cause of so much pain. Not so crazy, kind of natural I would think, to want to see something like this. Maybe a little weird, but not crazy.
Libby came over yesterday for a Saw movie marathon. We watched all 5 Saw movies and it was the most intense, stressful (in a good way) 10 hours!! Great movies, lots of gore and blood, not for the fainthearted. All 5 movies intertwined, but Libby and I still have some questions, which better be answered in the 6th movie! I marveled at the ingeniousness (is that a word) of the torture devices used in those movies. How twisted of a mind must you have to even dream up such mechanisms for a movie?? Brilliant. Thanks to Thom for going out and buying the 5th movie so that we could finish the marathon properly!
Tomorrow I have doctor appointments, one with the urologist in the morning, and then I have to go into Boston to Dana-Farber for the CT Scan I was supposed to have two weeks ago. I messed it up by eating, so I had to reschedule. It's going to be a long day.
I want to thank you all for the good wishes and thoughts! It's nice not having to work, but I think next time, I will choose a less painful way to stay out of work! :) The weather has been so mild, but I haven't gotten to enjoy it.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Kidney Stones and Surgery
I ended up in the emergency room on the Tuesday we came back from Maine. I hate going to the ER. Not because I'm sick enough to go, but because I hate dealing with ER doctors.
They got all excited because I'm a 36 year old woman with metastatic breast cancer. They're excited because they think it's going to be something exciting and they think that they can somehow cure me. I see the doctor and I tell him that I have kidney stones on both sides. He didn't believe me. He said it was rare to have stones on both sides. I told him "I'm not your usual patient." He was telling me that the pain could be caused by blood clots due to my "history." They were so focused on the cancer that they didn't want to treat the stones. It's so frustrating.
Went for the CT Scan and got the results back. Guess what? I had kidney stones on both sides. Didn't see the doctor again, I dealt with the Physician's Assistant for the rest of my stay. I couldn't even rub it in that I was right and he's an idiot.
I had a 1.3cm stone on my left side, along with smaller ones, and a 0.6cm on my right. I opted for surgery on my left because it was too big to blast, it would take 4 or 5 sessions to blast it, so I just wanted to get it over and done with.
Had surgery of the 5th. This has been the worst pain I've been through yet. I ended up staying in the recovery room for a little longer than expected and I was only supposed to stay in the hospital overnight, but it turned into 2 days because the pain was bad.
I'm home now and feeling a bit better. I mean, I do have a hole in my back, so it's not fun. My parents came over today and brought over tons of food, it was awesome to see them. Thanks mom and dad!
I have the next week off to recover.
Thanks to Libby and Melissa for stopping in to visit me at the hospital, in all my glory!
They got all excited because I'm a 36 year old woman with metastatic breast cancer. They're excited because they think it's going to be something exciting and they think that they can somehow cure me. I see the doctor and I tell him that I have kidney stones on both sides. He didn't believe me. He said it was rare to have stones on both sides. I told him "I'm not your usual patient." He was telling me that the pain could be caused by blood clots due to my "history." They were so focused on the cancer that they didn't want to treat the stones. It's so frustrating.
Went for the CT Scan and got the results back. Guess what? I had kidney stones on both sides. Didn't see the doctor again, I dealt with the Physician's Assistant for the rest of my stay. I couldn't even rub it in that I was right and he's an idiot.
I had a 1.3cm stone on my left side, along with smaller ones, and a 0.6cm on my right. I opted for surgery on my left because it was too big to blast, it would take 4 or 5 sessions to blast it, so I just wanted to get it over and done with.
Had surgery of the 5th. This has been the worst pain I've been through yet. I ended up staying in the recovery room for a little longer than expected and I was only supposed to stay in the hospital overnight, but it turned into 2 days because the pain was bad.
I'm home now and feeling a bit better. I mean, I do have a hole in my back, so it's not fun. My parents came over today and brought over tons of food, it was awesome to see them. Thanks mom and dad!
I have the next week off to recover.
Thanks to Libby and Melissa for stopping in to visit me at the hospital, in all my glory!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Greenville, Maine
On the weekend of January 17th, my friend Libby, her friend Sue, Thom and I all went to Greenville, Maine for the long weekend. Where's Greenville, Maine? Good question! It's like in the middle of Maine in the middle of nowhere. When you think you're lost, take a left, and there you are.
We picked them up bright and early on Saturday morning to get a head start.
The night before, I didn't sleep a wink because I was in tremendous pain. Took Advil...but to no avail.
So here I am wondering how the heck will I be able to make a 6 hour drive to Maine in such pain. Took more Advil.
The ride was uncomfortable, but manageable. When we got to the border of New Hampshire and Maine, we saw 2 deer running across the road...one got hit and went flying. That was a very disturbing site to me and I got bummed out for awhile.
I wanted to stop at this interesting looking shop on the way, but we drove by it. We turned around and stopped. The Open flag was flying and the drive was shoveled out, but the place was closed. It was a little freaky and we were joking around that this town had become overrun by zombies. Everything was so quiet. Got back in the car and kept driving.
We got to Greenville around 12:30pm, and if it wasn't for Sue, we would've been driving for another half an hour. She noticed the sign for the Moosehead cottage resorts, but the GPS unit had the cabins on the other side of the damn lake. What the?! The GPS doesn't even know where this place is!
We went to the grocery store and picked up some food. For some reason, I was surprised they had "real" food! It was like a regular grocery store. I was expecting some weird stuff, like moose jerky or something. The town is located on Moosehead Lake, so EVERYTHING was Moose something. Moosehead this, Mooseass that. They are definitely exploiting the majestic moose. We were hoping to catch a glimpse of one.
Got the cabin and unpacked. What a cute cabin! Except for one thing...the heat wasn't working! It's like -18 friggin degrees and the heat was not working. Libby put in a call right away. We were huddled under blankets and playing a game of Rummikube, when we hear a truck approach. I looked out and saw lights, people! We heard someone come up the porch, stamp their feet to get the snow off, and WALKED RIGHT INTO THE CABIN!! No knocking or anything. Err, excuse me?! "I hear your having a problem with the heat." Understatement. He opened the thermostat and fiddled with it for a sec and decided he was going to look at the boiler. He was gone for a few minutes and told us that the boiler was set at too low of a temperature and he turned it down, but since it was so cold, it might take a while to get it up to a decent temp.
After Libby spanked us at RummiKube, I went to bed because the pain was bad.
When we woke up, it was snowing. I had to admit that it was very pretty. Libby and Thom decided to go sledding out behind the cabin because there was a hill. Sue and I looked at each other and said, "Have fun!" I brought the camera to take pictures, because I knew hilarity would ensue! And I was not disappointed. First of all, there was a lot of snow, so when they tried to sled down, they sunk into the snow and got a bunch of snow in their faces while they went down. So here they are, at the bottom of the hill, wondering how to get back up. They stood up, and sunk into the snow up to their hips! I'm here snapping pics because they kept falling over. Ten minutes later, they get back to the top. They did this a few more times and then got too tired.
We tried to go to town and shop, but it seemed every damn shop in Greenville Maine was closed for snow. Are you kidding me?? It's Maine, that's all you have there is snow, and you close your shops because of a little snow? I was majorally bummed, I wanted to shop. There was one shop open, and the owner of the shop used to live in Massachusetts. Go figure, a Mass girl opens up her shop, but the natives don't.
We went to dinner at a place called the Stree Free Moose. I don't know about you, but I don't think Moose get stressed. We walked in and the entire bar turned and looked at us. That was hilarious. What was more hilarious was the barmaid. Just to recap: we're in Maine, it's 2 degrees and it's snowing like it's never going to stop. The barmaid was wearing shorts. Shorts. With woolly boots and a T-shirt right out of the 80's. And she thought she was hot. Up there, she might have been. Anywhere else...not so much. I had the pastrami, because they claimed to be the "King of Pastrami". Again...not so much.
We left the next day and it was still snowing. All in all, it was a very fun trip!
We picked them up bright and early on Saturday morning to get a head start.
The night before, I didn't sleep a wink because I was in tremendous pain. Took Advil...but to no avail.
So here I am wondering how the heck will I be able to make a 6 hour drive to Maine in such pain. Took more Advil.
The ride was uncomfortable, but manageable. When we got to the border of New Hampshire and Maine, we saw 2 deer running across the road...one got hit and went flying. That was a very disturbing site to me and I got bummed out for awhile.
I wanted to stop at this interesting looking shop on the way, but we drove by it. We turned around and stopped. The Open flag was flying and the drive was shoveled out, but the place was closed. It was a little freaky and we were joking around that this town had become overrun by zombies. Everything was so quiet. Got back in the car and kept driving.
We got to Greenville around 12:30pm, and if it wasn't for Sue, we would've been driving for another half an hour. She noticed the sign for the Moosehead cottage resorts, but the GPS unit had the cabins on the other side of the damn lake. What the?! The GPS doesn't even know where this place is!
We went to the grocery store and picked up some food. For some reason, I was surprised they had "real" food! It was like a regular grocery store. I was expecting some weird stuff, like moose jerky or something. The town is located on Moosehead Lake, so EVERYTHING was Moose something. Moosehead this, Mooseass that. They are definitely exploiting the majestic moose. We were hoping to catch a glimpse of one.
Got the cabin and unpacked. What a cute cabin! Except for one thing...the heat wasn't working! It's like -18 friggin degrees and the heat was not working. Libby put in a call right away. We were huddled under blankets and playing a game of Rummikube, when we hear a truck approach. I looked out and saw lights, people! We heard someone come up the porch, stamp their feet to get the snow off, and WALKED RIGHT INTO THE CABIN!! No knocking or anything. Err, excuse me?! "I hear your having a problem with the heat." Understatement. He opened the thermostat and fiddled with it for a sec and decided he was going to look at the boiler. He was gone for a few minutes and told us that the boiler was set at too low of a temperature and he turned it down, but since it was so cold, it might take a while to get it up to a decent temp.
After Libby spanked us at RummiKube, I went to bed because the pain was bad.
When we woke up, it was snowing. I had to admit that it was very pretty. Libby and Thom decided to go sledding out behind the cabin because there was a hill. Sue and I looked at each other and said, "Have fun!" I brought the camera to take pictures, because I knew hilarity would ensue! And I was not disappointed. First of all, there was a lot of snow, so when they tried to sled down, they sunk into the snow and got a bunch of snow in their faces while they went down. So here they are, at the bottom of the hill, wondering how to get back up. They stood up, and sunk into the snow up to their hips! I'm here snapping pics because they kept falling over. Ten minutes later, they get back to the top. They did this a few more times and then got too tired.
We tried to go to town and shop, but it seemed every damn shop in Greenville Maine was closed for snow. Are you kidding me?? It's Maine, that's all you have there is snow, and you close your shops because of a little snow? I was majorally bummed, I wanted to shop. There was one shop open, and the owner of the shop used to live in Massachusetts. Go figure, a Mass girl opens up her shop, but the natives don't.
We went to dinner at a place called the Stree Free Moose. I don't know about you, but I don't think Moose get stressed. We walked in and the entire bar turned and looked at us. That was hilarious. What was more hilarious was the barmaid. Just to recap: we're in Maine, it's 2 degrees and it's snowing like it's never going to stop. The barmaid was wearing shorts. Shorts. With woolly boots and a T-shirt right out of the 80's. And she thought she was hot. Up there, she might have been. Anywhere else...not so much. I had the pastrami, because they claimed to be the "King of Pastrami". Again...not so much.
We left the next day and it was still snowing. All in all, it was a very fun trip!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Random thoughts from a random mind
Words of wisdom from Captain Mayonnaise: Picking your nose in the winter is like digging through a box of Triskets.
What I learned from watching American Idol: If you sing LOUDER, it doesn't make you sound any better.
Emergency Room Doctors are only good for 2 things: stitching up gashes and curing poison.
It doesn't matter how old they are, if you put 2 brothers in the same room together, they will wrestle and beat each other up.
Weatherpeople are the only ones who can be wrong 99% of the time and still have a job!
Have you ever had KFC at a K of C?
Apparently, I'm like an oyster...but instead of making something that's worth anything, I make a useless stone.
I will write more about the kidney stones later.
What I learned from watching American Idol: If you sing LOUDER, it doesn't make you sound any better.
Emergency Room Doctors are only good for 2 things: stitching up gashes and curing poison.
It doesn't matter how old they are, if you put 2 brothers in the same room together, they will wrestle and beat each other up.
Weatherpeople are the only ones who can be wrong 99% of the time and still have a job!
Have you ever had KFC at a K of C?
Apparently, I'm like an oyster...but instead of making something that's worth anything, I make a useless stone.
I will write more about the kidney stones later.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
There's crime in Brookfield!
We've had our first brush with the violent, rampant crime in Brookfield. The cops were at our house and everything, it was horrible. How can something like this happen in our quiet little town? This is the end of the innocence. I'm afraid to go outside.
Wild kids are to blame, other people down the street were victims too.
I am calling it, "The brutal, deliberate EGGING of 2009!" LOL
Yes, we were the victims of a senseless egging of our home! The cops were taking photos of the carnage. They were trying to figure out the path the hoodlums took. It happened sometime between 6:30 and midnight. We were at a friend's, luckily, no one was hurt.
I can just imagine the conversation:
Officer #1: Yup. It was an egg, from the look of the shell, it was a brown egg. Brown eggs are local eggs, so this egg was fresh.
Officer #2: Good observation. And from the way the yolk oozed down the side of the house, we can determine the egg's trajectory, and pinpoint the location of where the criminal was standing.
Officer #1: He had to have been left-handed. There's no way the egg would've smashed in this pattern if he was a rightie.
Officer #2: Brilliant...the culprit had to have been wearing glasses.
Officer #1: Why do you say that?
Officer #2: He almost missed the house. He almost couldn't of hit the broad side of the barn. If he had 20/20 vision, it would've hit more to the center of the house.
Officer #1: You're right. Let's get some pictures. Then we'll get this information down to ballistics.
Officer #2: Do you think we should fingerprint the eggshell fragments?
Officer #1: There are few eggshell fragments left. The culprits must've known that we would do that, so they collected as many as the fragments as they could.
Officer #2: Take a sample of the frozen yolk. We'll run DNA tests on it to make sure it was a chicken egg.
Officer #1: Great thinking. Let's get this back to the station STAT!
I would expect to see this as a made-for-television movie, so keep a lookout for it, it's absolutely compelling!
Happy 2009 everyone!
Wild kids are to blame, other people down the street were victims too.
I am calling it, "The brutal, deliberate EGGING of 2009!" LOL
Yes, we were the victims of a senseless egging of our home! The cops were taking photos of the carnage. They were trying to figure out the path the hoodlums took. It happened sometime between 6:30 and midnight. We were at a friend's, luckily, no one was hurt.
I can just imagine the conversation:
Officer #1: Yup. It was an egg, from the look of the shell, it was a brown egg. Brown eggs are local eggs, so this egg was fresh.
Officer #2: Good observation. And from the way the yolk oozed down the side of the house, we can determine the egg's trajectory, and pinpoint the location of where the criminal was standing.
Officer #1: He had to have been left-handed. There's no way the egg would've smashed in this pattern if he was a rightie.
Officer #2: Brilliant...the culprit had to have been wearing glasses.
Officer #1: Why do you say that?
Officer #2: He almost missed the house. He almost couldn't of hit the broad side of the barn. If he had 20/20 vision, it would've hit more to the center of the house.
Officer #1: You're right. Let's get some pictures. Then we'll get this information down to ballistics.
Officer #2: Do you think we should fingerprint the eggshell fragments?
Officer #1: There are few eggshell fragments left. The culprits must've known that we would do that, so they collected as many as the fragments as they could.
Officer #2: Take a sample of the frozen yolk. We'll run DNA tests on it to make sure it was a chicken egg.
Officer #1: Great thinking. Let's get this back to the station STAT!
I would expect to see this as a made-for-television movie, so keep a lookout for it, it's absolutely compelling!
Happy 2009 everyone!
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