Happy Halloween!

Hope everyone had a happy, fun Halloween! Thom and I had a party, first ever Halloween party! Here are some pictures:
















I made some fun food for the party: mummy hot dogs and pizzas, breadstick bones, and a yummy tater tot, cheese and bacon concoction!






Seemed like people had a good time, so that was good. Boy was I tired after that, a lot of preparation, but it was worth it.

We got about maybe 15 trick or treaters. It makes me sad, I want more kids to show up. I don't know if people don't want to walk far anymore, or if people just don't trick or treat anymore. Bummer.

I had this week off from treatment, and the new cycle starts this Friday.

It's all in the numbers

Had treatment yesterday. Two weeks ago I had another allergic reaction to the Taxol, which was strange because I hadn't had a reaction in a while and the reaction was delayed. What does this mean? It means that I have to go back on pretreatments of Benedryl and Steroids. So I haven't slept since the night before yesterday. I've got a lot of energy, I think to Thom's chagrin because I'm having him do a bunch of chores and stuff. LOL

I got my cancer markers back and the news is great again! The CA27-29 went down from 155 to 126, and the CEA went down from 3.7 to 3.6. I know some of you don't know what the numbers mean, but I can tell you that the lower the better! The doctor is pleased and doesn't see any need to do any scans. I see the doctor again in January.

I've been feeling good, been organizing the house and getting a lot of items ready for a yard sale in the spring. I've also been decorating...something I haven't done in a while. I have been finding all sorts of stuff while cleaning up, things I've forgotten I had. It's like Christmas!

Other than that, not much happening! We're having a Halloween party soon, so that should be fun!! I love Halloween!

Oh! I drove to Boston. Thom was in the car, but I handled the drive very well! We got stuck in traffic, and even though I was secretly flipping out, I calmed myself down and made it through. Thom didn't even realize I was having a panic attack. Baby steps. I keep telling him I did fine because he was in the car, but he keeps telling me that this was a major milestone. I suppose! I'm the hardest on myself and I always feel I have to perform everything perfectly. I need to chill! LOL

I have next week off from chemo. Will write more later!

E

First Red Sox game EVAH!!

Last night I got to see my first ever Red Sox game at Fenway! Yes I know, all the years I've lived here, I've never been to a baseball game.

The evening started out with some bar hopping. The first stop was The Pour House. I had some killer nachos and did a grape crush shot with my friend Bryan. Place had lots of atmosphere, I'd like to go back there.


Next stop was The Lower Depths Tap Room. This place gave you cans of beer...and they had 40s of malt liquor. Tried some Mickey's...reminded me of the stuff my dad used to drink...not a fan. Place was small, but they had some tater tots, smothered in cheese and bacon...can you say "OMG!" I am going to make that taste bud sensation at home...who wants to be my guinea pig?!

We had awesome seats, right by 1st base. The weather was nice, no rain. The Sox were losing by 6, but in the 8th inning, they came back and made it 8-7. There were 2 people on base and Pedroia was at bat. He hit the ball, and it came SOOOO close to being a homerun, but came up short. They lost 8-7 to the Toronto Blue Jays, but the experience was phenomenal!! There was so much energy, it made it all so much fun!

And our niece Joss just happened to be at the same game and it was her first game ever too! What are the odds?! She and her boyfriend came to find us and we got to hang out for awhile. We haven't seen her in months, and it's just funny that we were there at the same time. She is moving to Colorado in a month, so this was such a treat!


Had to have a Fenway Frank and peanuts while there. Please don't comment on how raunchy the photo below looks. Keep it clean people!! There was a girl there selling water, and she was balancing the box of water on her head, all the while yelling, "Wahtah!" I love being in New England!!! Chowdah! I just love our accent!



The night was wicked pissah! Good times with friends!

Last treatment

Hello all! Sorry for the long silence.

The last chemo treatment went very well, my red blood cells and hemoglobin levels were all fine. The nurse said that my body may be getting accustomed to the chemo, and so it's producing more red blood cells to compensate. The body is an amazing machine, it really is.

I have next week off, and then the following week, I will be seeing the doctor.

I have gotten an extension on my unemployment...another 33 weeks. Oh my. That would be like a whole year of unemployment. Hopefully, I'll have a job by then or something. I realized and admitted that I am not cut out to be a housewife. June Cleaver I am not.

Case in point. I made a birthday cake for Thom. You would think that being the daughter of an Italian mother who cooks like a pro, something would have worn off on me or something. No such luck. I made a 2-layered cake. Looked fine in the oven, but once I took it out, it sunk in and shrunk. I didn't have any cake pans, so I cooked them in 2 glass pie plates. When I put the 2 layers on top of each other, they looked like one layer! And it weighed about 10 lbs. It was more like pound cake than a nice cushy fluffy cake. Sigh. Thom was a good sport and ate a piece. When I told him that it was a 2-layer cake, he laughed out loud. He said he thought it was just one layer. LOL

This is my chance...by Tanner LeBrun

Hello humans! This is Tanner, Emilee's 3 year old yellow labrahdoor retreever. I thought I wood take this oportunitee to express my feelings while I have the chance. I don't spell so well, so pleez excuuse the typos. Plus, I didn't realize how hard it is to type without thumbs. But I will do my best. I AM only 3 after all.

Emilee is sleepin, I herd her talking to Paw about not sleepin well beecuz she and I were "jockeying" for position...I don't know what that means, but Paw and I slept very well. Plus, it was nice in the room with the bed due to some cooling machine in the window. Paw went to bed first, then me. U have to understand, I'm an opportunist, so before Maw came to bed, I assumed the position...I think Maw refers to it as laying "perpindickular" to her. Again, they keep using these big words, I don't know what they mean. But it was kind of hard to fall asleep, Maw kept putting her feet in my face. I mean, really, a girl needs her beauty sleep, Maw can be so selfish sometimes. But I have come up with this plan...over the course of the nite, I make my way in between Maw and Paw and then I put my paws on Maw's back (or her stomach, depending on her position) and I push her away. This gives me a little more breething room. Maw moves around a lot at nite, grumbling something about not having any room. I know how she feels, I don't get enough room either!

OH LOOK, A BUG!!

Sorry, I diegress, lots of things get my attention, I appologise. Anyways, I see Maw on this machine all the time, so I wonder what it's all aboot. I think they call this a "blog", sounds like dog to me, so of course I am interested. I have things to say.

Yesterday, a friend of Maw's came over, think his name was Lee. He was the most interesting human I've ever smelled. He has 10 doggies like me, and there was lots to smell (I got a few good leads...will have to call them later). He was nice and Maw was very happy to see him. He liked us too, so he passed my inspection.

OH LOOK, ONE OF THE CATS!

Sorry again, I think I have the ADD, can't concentrate for long periods of time.

Maw really luvs me though, she says I keep her laughing all the time and I have very expressive eyebrows. Yeah, I'm cute, I know it. But everytime I put my face in her face, she moves me away. I like to be close, but humans have this ting called "purrsonal space". I don't grasp that idea. I like to be close to humans. The other dog in the house, Max, has been here longer than me. But he's so nice to me, he lets me play with him and pull him around the room by the skin on his neck. I'm a very jealous girl (I admit it) and I don't like it when Max gets any attention, so I muscle my way in and remind Maw and Paw that I'm around.

FOOD!!

I think I here some noise coming from the room with the bed. OH ok, it's just Paw getting redy for work. He leaves everyday and I'm sad, but then he comes back to us and I'm happy. I know the sound of his auto mobile and when I here it coming down the street, I am so happy I start running around. Maw gets happy too.

Last night, Maw complained about being hot...pleez...she's not the one wearing the fur coat. I try to give her some of my coat beecuz I like to share, but she always brushes it off. Doesn't she understand that that's quality fur she's getting? She's always saying how soft it is.

Bee right back, I have to go bark at some unseen danger outside...

Ok, false alarm...

Maw was holding this peece of paper in her hands and seemed very happy about it, so I peeked at it beecuz I'm curious. It had a bunch of numbers on it, I don't know what they mean, but I will copy it just like it looks...maybee u can figure out what it means.

May 8, 2009
CA27-29: 600
CEA: 37.4

June 19, 2009
CA27-29: 381
CEA: 13.4

August 7, 2009
CA27-29: 155
CEA: 3.7

Whatever it means, Maw and Paw are very happy about it! That makes me happy too!

OH LOOK, ANOTHER BUG!!

It's a little cooler this morning than it was yesterday, so maybee Maw can catch up on some sleep...I may join her...

Thank you for listening, well, actually, reading. I enjoyed this opportunitee to express my feelings!

Bye!

Self Image, Fear and Inner Calm

Looking in the mirror this morning, I took a look at myself...I haven't been looking at myself lately because I was afraid of what I would see. What did I see?

I saw that familiar face staring back at me, same eyes, same mouth, same nose, cheeks and forehead. I saw surprise, fear, sadness, fatigue...and calm. I saw my head. The hair has grown to about an inch, but still very thin and very gray. My eyelashes have all but fallen out, and my eyebrows have thinned a lot. I look like a "cancer patient". Do I feel like a cancer patient? Yes, sometimes, to be honest. Sometimes I fall into that "oh whoah is me" feeling and it's hard to shake. I go through periods where I don't want to do anything. And I mean anything. I feel that abyss of depression trying to suck me in. But I wake up everyday, I don't know how NOT to go on. It's hard, but if I do one thing everyday that I either aimed to do or just happened to do, I consider that a good day. Like today...I dusted the bedroom...it took me all day, but I did it.

I've realized that I am a lazy person, even pre-cancer. I've accepted that in myself. If I could eat out every night and have someone else cook and clean, I would be happy!

If my thoughts seem scattered, I apologize. It's hard to concentrate on things for a long period of time!

Let me catch you up on what's been going on. I had a blood transfusion, and that helped me with my energy tremendously...in fact, I even went rock-climbing.


And I made it to the top!



Had treatment on Friday, my blood levels were all back to normal, so treatment went on as usual. Picked up my wig, so you may see me sometime with hair! But you all know that I don't have hair, so I'm not fooling anyone! :)

At the end of the month, I am going to visit my sister Lizz in Chicago. I'm going for a week with my mom. If you know me, you know that I have panic attacks and I hate to fly. This is probably the hardest thing I've had to do in over so many years. I haven't flown in years. It's a short flight, so I'm hoping that I will make it ok. I try to imagine myself on the plane, taxing and then taking off, and it makes me go into panics. Fear. There has never been anything in my life that has been the hardest to deal with than fear. I can handle the cancer, but I've been struggling with panic since I was 13. Nothing makes me feel weaker, less in control or downright lousy than panic. This has been my cross that I've beared for so many years. Cancer? Pfft, that's nothing. That's why I don't feel like I'm a strong person at all. I'm not, I deal with a lot of fear. What am I afraid of? Why do I let myself be taken over by fear? I don't know. But I say to myself, "What could be worse than what you're already got?!" You got the disease that people dread. I have cancer, what else could be scarier?! This trip is so important in so many ways.

But there are days where I have such an inner calm, days where I feel like I can handle anything! I like those days. Bring it on!

I've been trying to listen to my body, listen to what it wants from me. When it tells me I need to sleep, I sleep, when it tells me to slow down, I will slow down.

I had a job interview a couple of weeks ago. It was with a small landscaping company here in Brookfield, looking for an office manager. I met the guy at his house, and his parents are staying with him until their house is built. It was a very weird interview. The mother kept popping into the office putting in her two cents. She then told me that this was her dream job, but her husband won't let her quit her job because her son can't pay her enough. THEN, at the end of the interview, she told me that she's going to hate anyone that gets that job anyways, because that's the job she wants. Ok. Psycho much? Can you imagine working there and having the mom criticizing the job you do all the time because she can do it better and she wants you to fail because she wants that job? LOL That was just a weird experience. Haha

Who's blood is it anyways?

Sorry for the silence, not much has been really going on. We went to Maine on the 4th, but it rained, so we didn't do much. It was nice to get away though. The dogs had fun, they were loose and fancy free.

After having a week off, went to Dana as usual. They took blood as usual. My red blood cell count, hemoglobin and platelet counts were L-O-W! Here are my counts vs. normal:

RBC Count: 2.73 (Normal 3.8-5.0)
Hemoglobin: 7.7 (Normal 11.9-15.0)
Platelet: 91 (Normal 155-410)

The doctor was called...he said he hasn't seen them this low. So he recommended a blood transfusion and he wants to hold off on treatment for a couple of weeks.

So I still got the Epo shot, but I had to come in on Saturday (yesterday) to get the blood transfusion. Well, that explains the exhaustion.

Went to my parent's for dinner, and decided to stay over, it would be silly to drive all the way home only to come back for 9am the next day.

The hospital has a different "feel" to it on Saturday, not as much hustle and bustle. More quiet. Less people. Less wait.

The nurse tried to get an IV in me, she blew the first vein, then tried the other hand, and couldn't get the IV in. Third times the charm, only with a different nurse. Finally got the IV in and they brought the blood in. My blood type is A+. The blood was donated from someone in Dedham. I got 2 pints into me and it was weird. I've never had a blood transfusion and watching the blood flow into me was a little unnerving and skeevy. I had someone else's blood flowing into me. So weird. But I am grateful for the donation! Maybe if I was a vampire I could've just bit into the bag and drank it! LOL The nurse said I wouldn't feel the effects until today. News flash: nothing yet, still exhausted. Guess I'm too impatient.

Yesterday, we had friends over for fireworks, East Brookfield had their fireworks yesterday. Guess what?? It started raining when they started them! Oh boy. This damn rain is damn depressing, we haven't had a summer and it's the middle of July. I need some sun.

So now I have 2 weeks off from treatment to give my blood marrow time to make red blood cells again. The doc said I'm very sensitive to chemo. Don't know if that's good or bad. Hopefully, the cancer is sensitive to chemo too!

Chemo - Round 5 - Good News!

Chemo went without a hitch yesterday, no problems.

Met with the doctor. We checked my cancer markers and the one that came back went from 600 (!) DOWN to 381!!!!!!!!!! Dr. Silver was so excited about that, as were we! With only one round of chemo, the cancer marker went down by almost half! That's outstanding! The other 2 cancer markers were still outstanding, I will call next week to get those results. So things seem to be going in the right direction! My next appointment with the doctor is August 7th.

Also found out that I am anemic, which explains the fatigue and exhaustion I had last week. To counteract my low red blood cell count, I will be getting a shot of Erythropoietin, or "Epo". This will increase the amount of hemoglobin in the blood, allowing more oxygen to get to my cells. This will help. So, now I'm blood doping! LMAO I guess as long as I don't compete in the Tour de France, or other endurance sports, I should be legal! I don't foresee myself biking or swimming the English Channel anytime soon, so I'm safe! Look out Lance Armstrong, I'm coming for ya!

So I was hanging out waiting to get my blood taken and I got to talking to this very nice woman. She has ovarian cancer and she calls it "the gift that keeps on giving". She has ovarian cancer, then had a stroke, and now has brain tumors. What struck me about her was her continuous positive attitude! How amazing. I love talking to people like her, I admire people like that and strive to be like that. And it also keeps me centered. There are many amazing people out there. Keep fighting sisters!

Ordered my wig yesterday, so I should be getting it in about 10 days. I'll probably wear it for special occasions where hair is required! LMAO But I am really enjoying wearing scarves, I love not having to worry about what my hair looks like! And they come in thousands of different colors! And the little hair that's left on my head is softer, so it's not pinching me anymore. But I really really look like a cancer patient now! Thom told me I look like a cancer patient because I am one!! LMAO Nah, I'm just a person with cancer. Just like a person with diabetes.

Speaking of which, I've gotten questions about how long the chemo treatments will last. We are treating this cancer as a chronic illness, like diabetes, and like diabetics, they have to take insulin indefinitely to control the diabetes. I will have to take chemo indefinitely to control the cancer. That's the best way to explain it. Three weeks on, one week off x hopefully infinity! I can handle that. If it'll keep me alive, I'm all over that. So what if I'll never have hair again, bah, who cares?! Small price to pay.

Chemo - Round 4

Hey guys!

Chemo went well, I was told that I wouldn't have to take the steroids the night before and the day of because I haven't had a reaction to the meds in awhile. That's good news because the steroids keep me up at night and get me all wired. AND Thom is afraid of me because of the 'roid rage! LOL No, not really, but it sounded funny! :)

I've been exhausted this round, but nothing that a nap can't remedy! Other than that, feeling good.

Next round is Friday and I see the doctor this time around. I'll be interested to hear what he has to say. No scans planned for Friday, so we'll see.

Thom and I and a bunch of friends are planning on going indoor rock climbing! I've never done this before but it looks like a blast and I'm excited to try it! We'll take pictures.

Until next time, smile...it makes people wonder what you are up to! :)

Week Off

This was my week off from chemo. Can't say that it hasn't been eventful.

On Saturday, Thom had made an appointment for me to go to a Day Spa/Hair Salon to get my head shaved. I didn't have a very good experience at the place where I got my hair cut about a week and a half ago. They were ready to close up shop and the lady I had was very rushed and not very friendly, I just had the feeling that she was in a hurry to get out of there. Thom was mad and he wanted to make sure that the next place would treat me better and take care of me. And they did.

When we got to the Spa I was told that I was scheduled for a "few services"...I looked over at Thom and he smiled sheepishly. I thought I was just going to get my head shaved. He is such a tricksy hobbits!

The girl who shaved my head was very gentle and nice. She indulged me...I wanted her to give me a Mohawk before it was all shaved, here is the result:



Then she finished it off, so here is my impersonation of Britney Spears...just not insane...much!



It's definitely weird! It's prickly, but much better than sitting there watching the hair fall out in clumps. That was too disturbing for me.

When that was finished, I went to have a facial and a paraffin treatment on my hands. So pampered! While I was in having all this stuff done, Thom was alone...here is the result of that:




So now we are twins!! It touched me so much that he got his head shaved too.

I bought a scarf and a hat and I had my first "outing" on Sunday. It doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would...I can change my look anytime I want and now I don't have to stress about my hair, so it's ok.

Let's see, what else has been going on? Other than that, I'm reading the "Twilight" series and I'm enjoying it a lot. Even though the books were written for teenagers, I love vampires and find the story intriguing. Just watched the movie too, and I'm glad I read the book first, the movie leaves out so much!

Hope you found the photos entertaining!