Status update and A Revelation

I get a lot of slack for not updating this blog on a regular basis.  I've said this before, but I don't want this blog to be a "chore" to write, out of obligation.  I love all you who are faithful and keep checking the blog.  That means a lot.

Things have been quiet and nothing has inspired me to write, until my previous entry, about the cones and my mother.  My week consists of:  rising around 4:30 am, getting dressed, grabbing a banana and an Ensure bottle and heading off to work.  I work Tuesday-Friday from 6am-1pm.  Working 40 hours a week was getting to be extremely draining and I couldn't do it anymore.  This new schedule is working well for me.

I come home and take a nap, sometimes for 2-3 hours.  Thom comes home, we eat dinner, and I'm usually in bed at 8pm.  I have a routine that I play some iPad games for an hour to unwind and go to sleep around 9pm.  Then the day starts anew.

I've recently added a new "routine".  I have discovered a minister named "Joyce Meyer", she's on in the early morning.  I DVR it, so I am not sure what channel she's on.  I was up on my day off and was just flipping through the channels.  This woman's voice stopped my in my tracks.  She was talking about how God loves us and has a plan for all of us.  This struck me hard.  A plan?  For me?  Really?  Intrigued, I continued to watch and listen.  Quoting the bible, she teaches people about how to live in peace by loving God.  Growing up Catholic, I assumed I loved God.  But Catholic School never taught me HOW to love God.  Going to church every Sunday doesn't automatically mean you are walking in God's grace.  I had stopped going to church because I was feeling like a hippocrite.  I would go, sit there, recite prayers from memory, while not listening really.  Just spent the time thinking about what I was going to eat when I got out, going shopping later.  I wasn't present.  So I stopped going. 

I never stopped praying, though.  I've always "talked" to God all my life, but He never spoke back, or that I ever could hear.

Getting diagnosed changed so much.  Obviously!  The first year from diagnosis, I felt lost and SO out of control.  My body let me down.  I didn't trust it, and didn't trust much else.  I became depressed and frightened. 

So I went back to church.  In the words of Abraham Lincoln, "I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day." I had nowhere else to go.

I sat in the pew and prayed.  Then I looked up at the altar at this poster and it read, "Jesus, I trust in you."  I felt a sense of peace IMMEDIATELY.  I decided at that instant to give my fear, depression, and cancer to God.  I remember this day so vividly.  I exhaled and felt all the negativity fade away.  I would stop getting in my own way of healing and having to be in control. 

Fast forward to the present.  I have a couple of audio books of Joyce Myers that I listen to on the way to work.  I still feel at peace and because of Joyce Meyer, I'm learning how to listen and to try to be a blessing to people every day.  She said we need to get ourselves out of our own ways. 

I was afraid to tell people of my beliefs and faith.  This country has become so "religious phobic" that you worry about offending someone.  I'm not trying to convert anyone, or push Joyce Meyer's tapes.  But I've decided because of her that I will not be ashamed anymore to admit that I believe in God and his grace.  I won't talk about it unless I am invited to or asked about it.  People have different beliefs, and they are all my friends, I have Atheists, Wiccan, Jewish, and Buddists as friends.  We all need something to believe in that is bigger than ourselves. Whatever it is, I hope it gives you peace.

Wow, this entry went in a totally different direction that I had originally planned!  

Thanks for hanging in there!!!  Much love and peace!