Hello humans! This is Tanner, Emilee's 3 year old yellow labrahdoor retreever. I thought I wood take this oportunitee to express my feelings while I have the chance. I don't spell so well, so pleez excuuse the typos. Plus, I didn't realize how hard it is to type without thumbs. But I will do my best. I AM only 3 after all.
Emilee is sleepin, I herd her talking to Paw about not sleepin well beecuz she and I were "jockeying" for position...I don't know what that means, but Paw and I slept very well. Plus, it was nice in the room with the bed due to some cooling machine in the window. Paw went to bed first, then me. U have to understand, I'm an opportunist, so before Maw came to bed, I assumed the position...I think Maw refers to it as laying "perpindickular" to her. Again, they keep using these big words, I don't know what they mean. But it was kind of hard to fall asleep, Maw kept putting her feet in my face. I mean, really, a girl needs her beauty sleep, Maw can be so selfish sometimes. But I have come up with this plan...over the course of the nite, I make my way in between Maw and Paw and then I put my paws on Maw's back (or her stomach, depending on her position) and I push her away. This gives me a little more breething room. Maw moves around a lot at nite, grumbling something about not having any room. I know how she feels, I don't get enough room either!
OH LOOK, A BUG!!
Sorry, I diegress, lots of things get my attention, I appologise. Anyways, I see Maw on this machine all the time, so I wonder what it's all aboot. I think they call this a "blog", sounds like dog to me, so of course I am interested. I have things to say.
Yesterday, a friend of Maw's came over, think his name was Lee. He was the most interesting human I've ever smelled. He has 10 doggies like me, and there was lots to smell (I got a few good leads...will have to call them later). He was nice and Maw was very happy to see him. He liked us too, so he passed my inspection.
OH LOOK, ONE OF THE CATS!
Sorry again, I think I have the ADD, can't concentrate for long periods of time.
Maw really luvs me though, she says I keep her laughing all the time and I have very expressive eyebrows. Yeah, I'm cute, I know it. But everytime I put my face in her face, she moves me away. I like to be close, but humans have this ting called "purrsonal space". I don't grasp that idea. I like to be close to humans. The other dog in the house, Max, has been here longer than me. But he's so nice to me, he lets me play with him and pull him around the room by the skin on his neck. I'm a very jealous girl (I admit it) and I don't like it when Max gets any attention, so I muscle my way in and remind Maw and Paw that I'm around.
FOOD!!
I think I here some noise coming from the room with the bed. OH ok, it's just Paw getting redy for work. He leaves everyday and I'm sad, but then he comes back to us and I'm happy. I know the sound of his auto mobile and when I here it coming down the street, I am so happy I start running around. Maw gets happy too.
Last night, Maw complained about being hot...pleez...she's not the one wearing the fur coat. I try to give her some of my coat beecuz I like to share, but she always brushes it off. Doesn't she understand that that's quality fur she's getting? She's always saying how soft it is.
Bee right back, I have to go bark at some unseen danger outside...
Ok, false alarm...
Maw was holding this peece of paper in her hands and seemed very happy about it, so I peeked at it beecuz I'm curious. It had a bunch of numbers on it, I don't know what they mean, but I will copy it just like it looks...maybee u can figure out what it means.
May 8, 2009
CA27-29: 600
CEA: 37.4
June 19, 2009
CA27-29: 381
CEA: 13.4
August 7, 2009
CA27-29: 155
CEA: 3.7
Whatever it means, Maw and Paw are very happy about it! That makes me happy too!
OH LOOK, ANOTHER BUG!!
It's a little cooler this morning than it was yesterday, so maybee Maw can catch up on some sleep...I may join her...
Thank you for listening, well, actually, reading. I enjoyed this opportunitee to express my feelings!
Bye!
Friday, August 21, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Self Image, Fear and Inner Calm
Looking in the mirror this morning, I took a look at myself...I haven't been looking at myself lately because I was afraid of what I would see. What did I see?
I saw that familiar face staring back at me, same eyes, same mouth, same nose, cheeks and forehead. I saw surprise, fear, sadness, fatigue...and calm. I saw my head. The hair has grown to about an inch, but still very thin and very gray. My eyelashes have all but fallen out, and my eyebrows have thinned a lot. I look like a "cancer patient". Do I feel like a cancer patient? Yes, sometimes, to be honest. Sometimes I fall into that "oh whoah is me" feeling and it's hard to shake. I go through periods where I don't want to do anything. And I mean anything. I feel that abyss of depression trying to suck me in. But I wake up everyday, I don't know how NOT to go on. It's hard, but if I do one thing everyday that I either aimed to do or just happened to do, I consider that a good day. Like today...I dusted the bedroom...it took me all day, but I did it.
I've realized that I am a lazy person, even pre-cancer. I've accepted that in myself. If I could eat out every night and have someone else cook and clean, I would be happy!
If my thoughts seem scattered, I apologize. It's hard to concentrate on things for a long period of time!
Let me catch you up on what's been going on. I had a blood transfusion, and that helped me with my energy tremendously...in fact, I even went rock-climbing.
And I made it to the top!
Had treatment on Friday, my blood levels were all back to normal, so treatment went on as usual. Picked up my wig, so you may see me sometime with hair! But you all know that I don't have hair, so I'm not fooling anyone! :)
At the end of the month, I am going to visit my sister Lizz in Chicago. I'm going for a week with my mom. If you know me, you know that I have panic attacks and I hate to fly. This is probably the hardest thing I've had to do in over so many years. I haven't flown in years. It's a short flight, so I'm hoping that I will make it ok. I try to imagine myself on the plane, taxing and then taking off, and it makes me go into panics. Fear. There has never been anything in my life that has been the hardest to deal with than fear. I can handle the cancer, but I've been struggling with panic since I was 13. Nothing makes me feel weaker, less in control or downright lousy than panic. This has been my cross that I've beared for so many years. Cancer? Pfft, that's nothing. That's why I don't feel like I'm a strong person at all. I'm not, I deal with a lot of fear. What am I afraid of? Why do I let myself be taken over by fear? I don't know. But I say to myself, "What could be worse than what you're already got?!" You got the disease that people dread. I have cancer, what else could be scarier?! This trip is so important in so many ways.
But there are days where I have such an inner calm, days where I feel like I can handle anything! I like those days. Bring it on!
I've been trying to listen to my body, listen to what it wants from me. When it tells me I need to sleep, I sleep, when it tells me to slow down, I will slow down.
I had a job interview a couple of weeks ago. It was with a small landscaping company here in Brookfield, looking for an office manager. I met the guy at his house, and his parents are staying with him until their house is built. It was a very weird interview. The mother kept popping into the office putting in her two cents. She then told me that this was her dream job, but her husband won't let her quit her job because her son can't pay her enough. THEN, at the end of the interview, she told me that she's going to hate anyone that gets that job anyways, because that's the job she wants. Ok. Psycho much? Can you imagine working there and having the mom criticizing the job you do all the time because she can do it better and she wants you to fail because she wants that job? LOL That was just a weird experience. Haha
I saw that familiar face staring back at me, same eyes, same mouth, same nose, cheeks and forehead. I saw surprise, fear, sadness, fatigue...and calm. I saw my head. The hair has grown to about an inch, but still very thin and very gray. My eyelashes have all but fallen out, and my eyebrows have thinned a lot. I look like a "cancer patient". Do I feel like a cancer patient? Yes, sometimes, to be honest. Sometimes I fall into that "oh whoah is me" feeling and it's hard to shake. I go through periods where I don't want to do anything. And I mean anything. I feel that abyss of depression trying to suck me in. But I wake up everyday, I don't know how NOT to go on. It's hard, but if I do one thing everyday that I either aimed to do or just happened to do, I consider that a good day. Like today...I dusted the bedroom...it took me all day, but I did it.
I've realized that I am a lazy person, even pre-cancer. I've accepted that in myself. If I could eat out every night and have someone else cook and clean, I would be happy!
If my thoughts seem scattered, I apologize. It's hard to concentrate on things for a long period of time!
Let me catch you up on what's been going on. I had a blood transfusion, and that helped me with my energy tremendously...in fact, I even went rock-climbing.
And I made it to the top!
Had treatment on Friday, my blood levels were all back to normal, so treatment went on as usual. Picked up my wig, so you may see me sometime with hair! But you all know that I don't have hair, so I'm not fooling anyone! :)
At the end of the month, I am going to visit my sister Lizz in Chicago. I'm going for a week with my mom. If you know me, you know that I have panic attacks and I hate to fly. This is probably the hardest thing I've had to do in over so many years. I haven't flown in years. It's a short flight, so I'm hoping that I will make it ok. I try to imagine myself on the plane, taxing and then taking off, and it makes me go into panics. Fear. There has never been anything in my life that has been the hardest to deal with than fear. I can handle the cancer, but I've been struggling with panic since I was 13. Nothing makes me feel weaker, less in control or downright lousy than panic. This has been my cross that I've beared for so many years. Cancer? Pfft, that's nothing. That's why I don't feel like I'm a strong person at all. I'm not, I deal with a lot of fear. What am I afraid of? Why do I let myself be taken over by fear? I don't know. But I say to myself, "What could be worse than what you're already got?!" You got the disease that people dread. I have cancer, what else could be scarier?! This trip is so important in so many ways.
But there are days where I have such an inner calm, days where I feel like I can handle anything! I like those days. Bring it on!
I've been trying to listen to my body, listen to what it wants from me. When it tells me I need to sleep, I sleep, when it tells me to slow down, I will slow down.
I had a job interview a couple of weeks ago. It was with a small landscaping company here in Brookfield, looking for an office manager. I met the guy at his house, and his parents are staying with him until their house is built. It was a very weird interview. The mother kept popping into the office putting in her two cents. She then told me that this was her dream job, but her husband won't let her quit her job because her son can't pay her enough. THEN, at the end of the interview, she told me that she's going to hate anyone that gets that job anyways, because that's the job she wants. Ok. Psycho much? Can you imagine working there and having the mom criticizing the job you do all the time because she can do it better and she wants you to fail because she wants that job? LOL That was just a weird experience. Haha
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Who's blood is it anyways?
Sorry for the silence, not much has been really going on. We went to Maine on the 4th, but it rained, so we didn't do much. It was nice to get away though. The dogs had fun, they were loose and fancy free.
After having a week off, went to Dana as usual. They took blood as usual. My red blood cell count, hemoglobin and platelet counts were L-O-W! Here are my counts vs. normal:
RBC Count: 2.73 (Normal 3.8-5.0)
Hemoglobin: 7.7 (Normal 11.9-15.0)
Platelet: 91 (Normal 155-410)
The doctor was called...he said he hasn't seen them this low. So he recommended a blood transfusion and he wants to hold off on treatment for a couple of weeks.
So I still got the Epo shot, but I had to come in on Saturday (yesterday) to get the blood transfusion. Well, that explains the exhaustion.
Went to my parent's for dinner, and decided to stay over, it would be silly to drive all the way home only to come back for 9am the next day.
The hospital has a different "feel" to it on Saturday, not as much hustle and bustle. More quiet. Less people. Less wait.
The nurse tried to get an IV in me, she blew the first vein, then tried the other hand, and couldn't get the IV in. Third times the charm, only with a different nurse. Finally got the IV in and they brought the blood in. My blood type is A+. The blood was donated from someone in Dedham. I got 2 pints into me and it was weird. I've never had a blood transfusion and watching the blood flow into me was a little unnerving and skeevy. I had someone else's blood flowing into me. So weird. But I am grateful for the donation! Maybe if I was a vampire I could've just bit into the bag and drank it! LOL The nurse said I wouldn't feel the effects until today. News flash: nothing yet, still exhausted. Guess I'm too impatient.
Yesterday, we had friends over for fireworks, East Brookfield had their fireworks yesterday. Guess what?? It started raining when they started them! Oh boy. This damn rain is damn depressing, we haven't had a summer and it's the middle of July. I need some sun.
So now I have 2 weeks off from treatment to give my blood marrow time to make red blood cells again. The doc said I'm very sensitive to chemo. Don't know if that's good or bad. Hopefully, the cancer is sensitive to chemo too!
After having a week off, went to Dana as usual. They took blood as usual. My red blood cell count, hemoglobin and platelet counts were L-O-W! Here are my counts vs. normal:
RBC Count: 2.73 (Normal 3.8-5.0)
Hemoglobin: 7.7 (Normal 11.9-15.0)
Platelet: 91 (Normal 155-410)
The doctor was called...he said he hasn't seen them this low. So he recommended a blood transfusion and he wants to hold off on treatment for a couple of weeks.
So I still got the Epo shot, but I had to come in on Saturday (yesterday) to get the blood transfusion. Well, that explains the exhaustion.
Went to my parent's for dinner, and decided to stay over, it would be silly to drive all the way home only to come back for 9am the next day.
The hospital has a different "feel" to it on Saturday, not as much hustle and bustle. More quiet. Less people. Less wait.
The nurse tried to get an IV in me, she blew the first vein, then tried the other hand, and couldn't get the IV in. Third times the charm, only with a different nurse. Finally got the IV in and they brought the blood in. My blood type is A+. The blood was donated from someone in Dedham. I got 2 pints into me and it was weird. I've never had a blood transfusion and watching the blood flow into me was a little unnerving and skeevy. I had someone else's blood flowing into me. So weird. But I am grateful for the donation! Maybe if I was a vampire I could've just bit into the bag and drank it! LOL The nurse said I wouldn't feel the effects until today. News flash: nothing yet, still exhausted. Guess I'm too impatient.
Yesterday, we had friends over for fireworks, East Brookfield had their fireworks yesterday. Guess what?? It started raining when they started them! Oh boy. This damn rain is damn depressing, we haven't had a summer and it's the middle of July. I need some sun.
So now I have 2 weeks off from treatment to give my blood marrow time to make red blood cells again. The doc said I'm very sensitive to chemo. Don't know if that's good or bad. Hopefully, the cancer is sensitive to chemo too!
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Chemo - Round 5 - Good News!
Chemo went without a hitch yesterday, no problems.
Met with the doctor. We checked my cancer markers and the one that came back went from 600 (!) DOWN to 381!!!!!!!!!! Dr. Silver was so excited about that, as were we! With only one round of chemo, the cancer marker went down by almost half! That's outstanding! The other 2 cancer markers were still outstanding, I will call next week to get those results. So things seem to be going in the right direction! My next appointment with the doctor is August 7th.
Also found out that I am anemic, which explains the fatigue and exhaustion I had last week. To counteract my low red blood cell count, I will be getting a shot of Erythropoietin, or "Epo". This will increase the amount of hemoglobin in the blood, allowing more oxygen to get to my cells. This will help. So, now I'm blood doping! LMAO I guess as long as I don't compete in the Tour de France, or other endurance sports, I should be legal! I don't foresee myself biking or swimming the English Channel anytime soon, so I'm safe! Look out Lance Armstrong, I'm coming for ya!
So I was hanging out waiting to get my blood taken and I got to talking to this very nice woman. She has ovarian cancer and she calls it "the gift that keeps on giving". She has ovarian cancer, then had a stroke, and now has brain tumors. What struck me about her was her continuous positive attitude! How amazing. I love talking to people like her, I admire people like that and strive to be like that. And it also keeps me centered. There are many amazing people out there. Keep fighting sisters!
Ordered my wig yesterday, so I should be getting it in about 10 days. I'll probably wear it for special occasions where hair is required! LMAO But I am really enjoying wearing scarves, I love not having to worry about what my hair looks like! And they come in thousands of different colors! And the little hair that's left on my head is softer, so it's not pinching me anymore. But I really really look like a cancer patient now! Thom told me I look like a cancer patient because I am one!! LMAO Nah, I'm just a person with cancer. Just like a person with diabetes.
Speaking of which, I've gotten questions about how long the chemo treatments will last. We are treating this cancer as a chronic illness, like diabetes, and like diabetics, they have to take insulin indefinitely to control the diabetes. I will have to take chemo indefinitely to control the cancer. That's the best way to explain it. Three weeks on, one week off x hopefully infinity! I can handle that. If it'll keep me alive, I'm all over that. So what if I'll never have hair again, bah, who cares?! Small price to pay.
Met with the doctor. We checked my cancer markers and the one that came back went from 600 (!) DOWN to 381!!!!!!!!!! Dr. Silver was so excited about that, as were we! With only one round of chemo, the cancer marker went down by almost half! That's outstanding! The other 2 cancer markers were still outstanding, I will call next week to get those results. So things seem to be going in the right direction! My next appointment with the doctor is August 7th.
Also found out that I am anemic, which explains the fatigue and exhaustion I had last week. To counteract my low red blood cell count, I will be getting a shot of Erythropoietin, or "Epo". This will increase the amount of hemoglobin in the blood, allowing more oxygen to get to my cells. This will help. So, now I'm blood doping! LMAO I guess as long as I don't compete in the Tour de France, or other endurance sports, I should be legal! I don't foresee myself biking or swimming the English Channel anytime soon, so I'm safe! Look out Lance Armstrong, I'm coming for ya!
So I was hanging out waiting to get my blood taken and I got to talking to this very nice woman. She has ovarian cancer and she calls it "the gift that keeps on giving". She has ovarian cancer, then had a stroke, and now has brain tumors. What struck me about her was her continuous positive attitude! How amazing. I love talking to people like her, I admire people like that and strive to be like that. And it also keeps me centered. There are many amazing people out there. Keep fighting sisters!
Ordered my wig yesterday, so I should be getting it in about 10 days. I'll probably wear it for special occasions where hair is required! LMAO But I am really enjoying wearing scarves, I love not having to worry about what my hair looks like! And they come in thousands of different colors! And the little hair that's left on my head is softer, so it's not pinching me anymore. But I really really look like a cancer patient now! Thom told me I look like a cancer patient because I am one!! LMAO Nah, I'm just a person with cancer. Just like a person with diabetes.
Speaking of which, I've gotten questions about how long the chemo treatments will last. We are treating this cancer as a chronic illness, like diabetes, and like diabetics, they have to take insulin indefinitely to control the diabetes. I will have to take chemo indefinitely to control the cancer. That's the best way to explain it. Three weeks on, one week off x hopefully infinity! I can handle that. If it'll keep me alive, I'm all over that. So what if I'll never have hair again, bah, who cares?! Small price to pay.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Chemo - Round 4
Hey guys!
Chemo went well, I was told that I wouldn't have to take the steroids the night before and the day of because I haven't had a reaction to the meds in awhile. That's good news because the steroids keep me up at night and get me all wired. AND Thom is afraid of me because of the 'roid rage! LOL No, not really, but it sounded funny! :)
I've been exhausted this round, but nothing that a nap can't remedy! Other than that, feeling good.
Next round is Friday and I see the doctor this time around. I'll be interested to hear what he has to say. No scans planned for Friday, so we'll see.
Thom and I and a bunch of friends are planning on going indoor rock climbing! I've never done this before but it looks like a blast and I'm excited to try it! We'll take pictures.
Until next time, smile...it makes people wonder what you are up to! :)
Chemo went well, I was told that I wouldn't have to take the steroids the night before and the day of because I haven't had a reaction to the meds in awhile. That's good news because the steroids keep me up at night and get me all wired. AND Thom is afraid of me because of the 'roid rage! LOL No, not really, but it sounded funny! :)
I've been exhausted this round, but nothing that a nap can't remedy! Other than that, feeling good.
Next round is Friday and I see the doctor this time around. I'll be interested to hear what he has to say. No scans planned for Friday, so we'll see.
Thom and I and a bunch of friends are planning on going indoor rock climbing! I've never done this before but it looks like a blast and I'm excited to try it! We'll take pictures.
Until next time, smile...it makes people wonder what you are up to! :)
Monday, June 8, 2009
Week Off
This was my week off from chemo. Can't say that it hasn't been eventful.
On Saturday, Thom had made an appointment for me to go to a Day Spa/Hair Salon to get my head shaved. I didn't have a very good experience at the place where I got my hair cut about a week and a half ago. They were ready to close up shop and the lady I had was very rushed and not very friendly, I just had the feeling that she was in a hurry to get out of there. Thom was mad and he wanted to make sure that the next place would treat me better and take care of me. And they did.
When we got to the Spa I was told that I was scheduled for a "few services"...I looked over at Thom and he smiled sheepishly. I thought I was just going to get my head shaved. He is such a tricksy hobbits!
The girl who shaved my head was very gentle and nice. She indulged me...I wanted her to give me a Mohawk before it was all shaved, here is the result:
Then she finished it off, so here is my impersonation of Britney Spears...just not insane...much!
It's definitely weird! It's prickly, but much better than sitting there watching the hair fall out in clumps. That was too disturbing for me.
When that was finished, I went to have a facial and a paraffin treatment on my hands. So pampered! While I was in having all this stuff done, Thom was alone...here is the result of that:
So now we are twins!! It touched me so much that he got his head shaved too.
I bought a scarf and a hat and I had my first "outing" on Sunday. It doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would...I can change my look anytime I want and now I don't have to stress about my hair, so it's ok.
Let's see, what else has been going on? Other than that, I'm reading the "Twilight" series and I'm enjoying it a lot. Even though the books were written for teenagers, I love vampires and find the story intriguing. Just watched the movie too, and I'm glad I read the book first, the movie leaves out so much!
Hope you found the photos entertaining!
On Saturday, Thom had made an appointment for me to go to a Day Spa/Hair Salon to get my head shaved. I didn't have a very good experience at the place where I got my hair cut about a week and a half ago. They were ready to close up shop and the lady I had was very rushed and not very friendly, I just had the feeling that she was in a hurry to get out of there. Thom was mad and he wanted to make sure that the next place would treat me better and take care of me. And they did.
When we got to the Spa I was told that I was scheduled for a "few services"...I looked over at Thom and he smiled sheepishly. I thought I was just going to get my head shaved. He is such a tricksy hobbits!
The girl who shaved my head was very gentle and nice. She indulged me...I wanted her to give me a Mohawk before it was all shaved, here is the result:
Then she finished it off, so here is my impersonation of Britney Spears...just not insane...much!
It's definitely weird! It's prickly, but much better than sitting there watching the hair fall out in clumps. That was too disturbing for me.
When that was finished, I went to have a facial and a paraffin treatment on my hands. So pampered! While I was in having all this stuff done, Thom was alone...here is the result of that:
So now we are twins!! It touched me so much that he got his head shaved too.
I bought a scarf and a hat and I had my first "outing" on Sunday. It doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would...I can change my look anytime I want and now I don't have to stress about my hair, so it's ok.
Let's see, what else has been going on? Other than that, I'm reading the "Twilight" series and I'm enjoying it a lot. Even though the books were written for teenagers, I love vampires and find the story intriguing. Just watched the movie too, and I'm glad I read the book first, the movie leaves out so much!
Hope you found the photos entertaining!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Chemo - Round 3
Well, I cut my hair on Saturday, short. It has begun to fall out. I run my hand through my hair and I get a handful of hair. I have to say, it's a little more disturbing than I had initially anticipated. I don't like to see all that hair. It may be time to shave the whole thing instead of waiting for it all to fall out. Sigh.
BUT it is only hair and it will grow back, so that's a comfort at least.
This last round of chemo went as smooth as silk, no reactions, no side effects. Feeling good. I have next week off.
Bought moisturizer for my face, the chemo has a very drying effect on my skin. They also recommended that I get scalp stuff to keep my head from drying out too. I'm probably going to order my wig and get some funky scarves. It's sure going to be weird looking at myself in the mirror...with no hair. I've always had long hair, so this is truly an adjustment.
On the way to Dana-Farber last Friday, I noticed the graffitti that's everywhere, I have to say, some of these people are truly artistic, it's too bad that they don't have a positive outlet for their skill. Some of it is really good! Just something I noticed.
BUT it is only hair and it will grow back, so that's a comfort at least.
This last round of chemo went as smooth as silk, no reactions, no side effects. Feeling good. I have next week off.
Bought moisturizer for my face, the chemo has a very drying effect on my skin. They also recommended that I get scalp stuff to keep my head from drying out too. I'm probably going to order my wig and get some funky scarves. It's sure going to be weird looking at myself in the mirror...with no hair. I've always had long hair, so this is truly an adjustment.
On the way to Dana-Farber last Friday, I noticed the graffitti that's everywhere, I have to say, some of these people are truly artistic, it's too bad that they don't have a positive outlet for their skill. Some of it is really good! Just something I noticed.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Chemo - Round 2
Ding Ding! Fighters come out of your corners and fight clean.
Had Round 2 of Chemo on Friday, and it went extremely well! No allergic reaction this time, thank goodness. I only had the Taxol infusion, the Avastin is every other week. I was sitting near a lady who just started Taxol too, and she had a very bad reaction, so bad that they are admitting her and giving her the Taxol while in the hospital as opposed to in the clinic. So things could always be worse...
Feeling fine so far.
Went for a wig fitting too. Tried on some funky styles and colors, and narrowed it down to 2. So depending on whether I lose a lot of hair, I may have a wig, which I must admit is appealing...no fuss no muss and it always looks the same! :) I was never a good hairstylist with my hair, it was always a pain in the ass for me. Always easier to put it up in a ponytail.
Found a new friend. His name is Mr. Bo Jangles and he is my little mouse companion.
Had Round 2 of Chemo on Friday, and it went extremely well! No allergic reaction this time, thank goodness. I only had the Taxol infusion, the Avastin is every other week. I was sitting near a lady who just started Taxol too, and she had a very bad reaction, so bad that they are admitting her and giving her the Taxol while in the hospital as opposed to in the clinic. So things could always be worse...
Feeling fine so far.
Went for a wig fitting too. Tried on some funky styles and colors, and narrowed it down to 2. So depending on whether I lose a lot of hair, I may have a wig, which I must admit is appealing...no fuss no muss and it always looks the same! :) I was never a good hairstylist with my hair, it was always a pain in the ass for me. Always easier to put it up in a ponytail.
Found a new friend. His name is Mr. Bo Jangles and he is my little mouse companion.
He'll be accompanying me on my treatments. Isn't he too cute? He smells like chamomile tea and you can heat him up in the microwave. Seems kinda cruel to me, so he won't be put in there.
As soon as Thom and I sat down, I had a volunteer offering food and food and more food. She gave us so much food, it was piled up on the table next to me. She threw like 3 bags of chips and popcorn at Thom, even after he said he was good! And then another volunteer would just randomly come by and leave a container of chicken salad or fruit salad. It's hilarious. Everyone is SO nice there. Thom told me that all the food is donated, and it's a lot of food. Gives you hope that there are still nice, caring people in the world.
Went to my parent's after treatment, had an awesome BBQ. Speaking of my parents...they have this dog, Skippy, I forget what kind of dog he is, a Shit-zu? Yes, I purposely misspelled that, because he's a little shit. From the day he came to my parents, he's been eating human food, he won't touch dog food...can't say I blame him...but he's a dog. We are eating BBQ rib eye and this little dog gets a fillet Mignon, asparagus, mashed potatoes and a piece of garlic bread. I almost fell off my chair. Are you kidding me?! LOL
Then we went to Dairy Queen...mmmm. Love their soft-serve twist with Jimmies. I can definitely get used to this ritual! :)
All the way home, Thom and I were jamming to tunes on the highway, dancing, playing air guitar, drums, singing (or trying to anyways!)...the people all around us must've thought we were nuts, and you know what? We are, and I love every minute of it!
Oh, here's a picture of me with my IV in:
You can see part of the table filled with food. So, my friends, until next time, peace out! My next treatment is 5/29/09.
There are some ladies that work with Thom that are doing the Susan B. Komen 3-day walk for cancer. Thom told them I would plug them here, so please donate if you have the means, I know times are tough right now. Save Second Base! Go B-Cups!
www.the3day.org/goto/Base2
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Chemo Day
Today was my first dose of chemo. Had to be at Dana-Farber by 11:30am to get an IV put in and blood taken. Then we had to wait for the doctor, he was running an hour late.
Met with the doctor and he had the results of the last CT scan. My liver is clean! No tumors in the liver. He did notice some fatty deposits in the liver which he said was pretty common and those deposits can sometimes raise the liver enzymes. But even though my liver was clean, he wanted to still start the chemo. I agreed.
After meeting with him, I was sent up to the "chemo suite". Hmm, was there champagne waiting? A breathtaking view? Umm, not really. I did have a view, of all the lovely cement, glass and metal buildings, and if I looked far enough toward the horizon, tilted my head and squinted, I could catch a glimpse of something green...trees perhaps? One can't be sure.
Met with my nurse, Jade, and she seems like a cool chick. Thom and I were discussing how amazing it is that there are so many nice people who work at Dana-Farber. With everything they see on a daily basis, they still have a wonderful sense of humor...which I appreciate, and enjoy! It makes the stay just a little bit easier.
Got some pre-treatments of Benadryl and Zantac. Man, the benadryl gave me some wicked bad "jimmy" legs, it felt like my legs were on fire and there were worms crawling under my skin. Those took about 20 minutes each to infuse. Then we started with the Avastin, which also took about 20 minutes. That went fine. When that was complete, we started on the Taxol, which was an hour infusion. 10 minutes into it, I felt very flush in my neck and face. I asked Thom if I looked red and he said no. Then the injection site started to burn and then immediately following that, my chest started getting tight and felt like it was on fire. I beeped the nurse and 5 of them and Dr. Silver were at my side in seconds. They stopped the infusion and gave me some more Benadryl and more steroids. Waited for those to finish and then we waited about 15 minutes before starting the infusion again. This time, they slowed down the drip and I tolerated that much better. When Jade noticed I was doing fine, she upped the speed back to normal and I was fine after that. Next week, we're going to start the infusion slow and work our way back up to normal speed.
What a weird sensation that was. My chest was broken out into a rash and the tips of my ears were hot as were my neck and face. Never had an allergic reaction before. But they've seen this so much, they knew exactly what to do. I was safe.
An amazing thing happened today too. While we were waiting for the doctor, there was a lady who was alone sitting across from us who obviously was having chemo and she had her headphones on. I noticed that she was looking over at Thom and me a bit but didn't think anything of it (we are insane, so we get looked at alot!). Towards the end of my infusion, I saw her walk by on her way out. She stopped and came back to us and told us that she's seen many couples at Dana but she has never seen a couple like us who have this extraordinary connection. She told us that she enjoyed sitting across from us and watching our interactions together. I was very touched that this stranger took time to come over and tell me what an amazing relationship Thom and I have. I've always known we do, but when someone else sees that, it makes me swell with pride and joy. I've said it before and I will always say it, I'm so lucky and blessed to have Thom.
Went to see my parents and they fed us. That will be a ritual probably from now on. Oh, and stopping at Dairy Queen on the way home!
And I found out that I will be having 4 week cycles of chemo: 3 weeks on, and 1 week off. I will see the doctor every 5 weeks (at the beginning of each new cycle). So at least now I know the routine. I wasn't sure of it last week. The doctor made it sound like it was a constant weekly thing. So I get a week off, which is nice.
I was feeling fine, just tired from all the Benadryl until 10pm tonight, then I got chills (no fever, just chills, which is weird) and muscle and joint aches. What the hell? I thought the hormone treatments were the things giving me that pain. Now I'm back to square one and not knowing what is causing the muscle and joint pain. The doctor said that I might have muscle pains, but that doesn't usually occur until 2-3 days AFTER the chemo. This is 6 hours post. We didn't leave the hospital until a little past 6, so it was a very long day for us.
Now I can't sleep. Sigh.
Met with the doctor and he had the results of the last CT scan. My liver is clean! No tumors in the liver. He did notice some fatty deposits in the liver which he said was pretty common and those deposits can sometimes raise the liver enzymes. But even though my liver was clean, he wanted to still start the chemo. I agreed.
After meeting with him, I was sent up to the "chemo suite". Hmm, was there champagne waiting? A breathtaking view? Umm, not really. I did have a view, of all the lovely cement, glass and metal buildings, and if I looked far enough toward the horizon, tilted my head and squinted, I could catch a glimpse of something green...trees perhaps? One can't be sure.
Met with my nurse, Jade, and she seems like a cool chick. Thom and I were discussing how amazing it is that there are so many nice people who work at Dana-Farber. With everything they see on a daily basis, they still have a wonderful sense of humor...which I appreciate, and enjoy! It makes the stay just a little bit easier.
Got some pre-treatments of Benadryl and Zantac. Man, the benadryl gave me some wicked bad "jimmy" legs, it felt like my legs were on fire and there were worms crawling under my skin. Those took about 20 minutes each to infuse. Then we started with the Avastin, which also took about 20 minutes. That went fine. When that was complete, we started on the Taxol, which was an hour infusion. 10 minutes into it, I felt very flush in my neck and face. I asked Thom if I looked red and he said no. Then the injection site started to burn and then immediately following that, my chest started getting tight and felt like it was on fire. I beeped the nurse and 5 of them and Dr. Silver were at my side in seconds. They stopped the infusion and gave me some more Benadryl and more steroids. Waited for those to finish and then we waited about 15 minutes before starting the infusion again. This time, they slowed down the drip and I tolerated that much better. When Jade noticed I was doing fine, she upped the speed back to normal and I was fine after that. Next week, we're going to start the infusion slow and work our way back up to normal speed.
What a weird sensation that was. My chest was broken out into a rash and the tips of my ears were hot as were my neck and face. Never had an allergic reaction before. But they've seen this so much, they knew exactly what to do. I was safe.
An amazing thing happened today too. While we were waiting for the doctor, there was a lady who was alone sitting across from us who obviously was having chemo and she had her headphones on. I noticed that she was looking over at Thom and me a bit but didn't think anything of it (we are insane, so we get looked at alot!). Towards the end of my infusion, I saw her walk by on her way out. She stopped and came back to us and told us that she's seen many couples at Dana but she has never seen a couple like us who have this extraordinary connection. She told us that she enjoyed sitting across from us and watching our interactions together. I was very touched that this stranger took time to come over and tell me what an amazing relationship Thom and I have. I've always known we do, but when someone else sees that, it makes me swell with pride and joy. I've said it before and I will always say it, I'm so lucky and blessed to have Thom.
Went to see my parents and they fed us. That will be a ritual probably from now on. Oh, and stopping at Dairy Queen on the way home!
And I found out that I will be having 4 week cycles of chemo: 3 weeks on, and 1 week off. I will see the doctor every 5 weeks (at the beginning of each new cycle). So at least now I know the routine. I wasn't sure of it last week. The doctor made it sound like it was a constant weekly thing. So I get a week off, which is nice.
I was feeling fine, just tired from all the Benadryl until 10pm tonight, then I got chills (no fever, just chills, which is weird) and muscle and joint aches. What the hell? I thought the hormone treatments were the things giving me that pain. Now I'm back to square one and not knowing what is causing the muscle and joint pain. The doctor said that I might have muscle pains, but that doesn't usually occur until 2-3 days AFTER the chemo. This is 6 hours post. We didn't leave the hospital until a little past 6, so it was a very long day for us.
Now I can't sleep. Sigh.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Next Chapter
I've waited to post this new entry, trying to get a grip on things.
Went to see the oncologist on Friday, he wanted blood taken to see where the cancer markers stood. The only one that came back was the CEA. It went from 17.1 in February to 37.4. He told me that although he's had patients who've had CEA's in the thousands, and mine wasn't an "emergency", he's concerned that the pattern was going in the wrong direction. He was also concerned about my liver enzymes. My ALT/SGPT was 82 and my AST/SGOT was 48, both high. He was concerned enough about the enzymes that he ordered an impromptu CT scan. Although I just had a CT scan in February and my liver was clean, he's concerned that the cancer has now spread to my liver. (My liver, my liver...) <---That was an old Beavis and Butthead reference.
I haven't gotten the results of the CT Scan yet, so I don't know if it's in my liver. I'm still feeling fine, which is a kick in the teeth. How can I have cancer? I feel fine, I look fine. I'm still feeling betrayed by my body. How could this have happened? I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, I don't drink. Granted, exercise to me is like the plague, but still. How could it turn on me like this?
In response to these new developments, he wants to start chemotherapy. I will be having my first dose of poison on Friday, May 15th. This will be a WEEKLY thing, every Friday, I will have to go into Dana-Farber and subject myself to chemo. He's starting me on a cocktail of Taxol/Avastin. Wish it was a good cocktail, like that peachy dreamy concoction from the Outback Steakhouse, the Wallaby Damned. Mmmm.
The infusion will last about 3-4 hours. Want to hear the kicker? The substance that the chemo is suspended in is Cremaphor...which many people are allergic to. So...I have to take steroids 12 hours prior and the day of the infusion. I mean really? It's not bad enough, but now I have to worry about an allergic reaction? Damn it all together.
Some of the lovely side effects? You know there are some. Let's see, where do I start? Tingling of the hands and feet, which gets worse with each subsequent dose. WONDERFUL! Do you know how frickin annoying it is when your hands and/or feet fall asleep and then they start to wake up? I'll be feeling that on a day-to-day basis. Muscle pain, high blood pressure, low platelet blood cell count, which may cause nose bleeds or other bleeding, slow wound healing, and hair loss. The only positive thing is that he hasn't seen nausea in his patients on this combo. At least I won't be puking in the toilet.
I have an appointment to have a wig fitting on May 22nd at the Friend's Boutique at Dana-Farber. I'll be cutting my hair...again. I'm not cutting it until after I actually get dosed with the stuff. Thom was cute, he told me that he'd shave his head when I lose my hair. Solidarity! I was also wondering what my head looks like...will it have weird bumps? It's going to be pale, so I'll have to tan it a bit so it doesn't blind people in the sunlight. :) I'll be getting a bunch of funky wigs, pinks and purples etc. Might as well have fun with it. I was also thinking of having it tattooed with Henna, I think that would be groovy. It's not permanent, so at least if I don't like it, it'll go away. I won't have to worry about having a "bad" hair day...I'll just have a "NO HAIR" day...I already have a baseball cap that reads "No Hair Day". I'll wear pretty scarves and hats and stuff...I can get a wide-brimmed hat, put on sunglasses and pretend I'm Jackie O hiding out from the paparazzi! "No, I'm sorry, I have no comment today."
Aside from all that, I have to admit, I'm pretty scared. There's no "cycle", like after 8 weeks, we'll reevaluate. It sounds to me like I'll be on this constantly. Does this mean I'll never have hair again? Will I be on chemo for the rest of my life? I don't know the answers. Dr. Silver said that we can take a break if we want to go on vacation and stuff, but other than that, it sounds like it'll be constant. He repeated that although I'll never be "cured", the best we can do is keep the cancer beaten into submission. He seems optimistic, which makes me feel better. I've also had the feeling that chemo was in my future. I'm almost glad, I didn't have much faith in the hormone therapy. It did it's job, but it's time to bring in the big guns. I'm ready, I think. I also have a feeling in my heart that this will work.
Funny, but I had a memory. When I was about 10-12, I always had the thought that I was going to "get" cancer. Just had that feeling. And I had the feeling that I would not have children. Why am I telling you these things? Seems like I knew the future before it happened. But as a kid, you just brush those things aside, didn't pay much attention to them. Maybe we are all a little clairvoyant. Or maybe, just me.
In other news, Captain Cinnamon Buns (LMAO, aka Captain Mayo) is moving again...to the other side of Dubai. His plane is still not working. Keep those postcards and cards coming Jim, they brighten my day like you'd never know. I miss you. Gasp! Did I just say that?! Delete, delete! ;)
I have some good news, my unemployment checks finally kicked in! Leave it to the good ole State of Massachusetts to save money where they can...instead of just sending out ONE big check, they sent me 8 INDIVIDUAL checks, all on the same day. Gotta love it. So at least we have a little more money coming in. That was a relief.
Still no job prospects. But now I'm thinking...do I want to go back to work? How do I handle this at an interview?
"Yes, I would like to work for you, but I can only work 4 days a week and I will be needing every Friday off because I have to go into Boston and get chemo." But please, hire me. I think this will put a damper on any job prospects I may have had. I'll have to reevaluate this at a later date.
I may be posting more often, like on a weekly basis to talk about how I'm doing on the chemo, etc. Sorry I've been negligent on my posting lately. But...it's my blog, and I will blog if I want to. Ha!
Saw the new Star Trek movie! Loved it!! The casting was perfect I thought. Well done.
Until next time, "Live long and prosper."
Went to see the oncologist on Friday, he wanted blood taken to see where the cancer markers stood. The only one that came back was the CEA. It went from 17.1 in February to 37.4. He told me that although he's had patients who've had CEA's in the thousands, and mine wasn't an "emergency", he's concerned that the pattern was going in the wrong direction. He was also concerned about my liver enzymes. My ALT/SGPT was 82 and my AST/SGOT was 48, both high. He was concerned enough about the enzymes that he ordered an impromptu CT scan. Although I just had a CT scan in February and my liver was clean, he's concerned that the cancer has now spread to my liver. (My liver, my liver...) <---That was an old Beavis and Butthead reference.
I haven't gotten the results of the CT Scan yet, so I don't know if it's in my liver. I'm still feeling fine, which is a kick in the teeth. How can I have cancer? I feel fine, I look fine. I'm still feeling betrayed by my body. How could this have happened? I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, I don't drink. Granted, exercise to me is like the plague, but still. How could it turn on me like this?
In response to these new developments, he wants to start chemotherapy. I will be having my first dose of poison on Friday, May 15th. This will be a WEEKLY thing, every Friday, I will have to go into Dana-Farber and subject myself to chemo. He's starting me on a cocktail of Taxol/Avastin. Wish it was a good cocktail, like that peachy dreamy concoction from the Outback Steakhouse, the Wallaby Damned. Mmmm.
The infusion will last about 3-4 hours. Want to hear the kicker? The substance that the chemo is suspended in is Cremaphor...which many people are allergic to. So...I have to take steroids 12 hours prior and the day of the infusion. I mean really? It's not bad enough, but now I have to worry about an allergic reaction? Damn it all together.
Some of the lovely side effects? You know there are some. Let's see, where do I start? Tingling of the hands and feet, which gets worse with each subsequent dose. WONDERFUL! Do you know how frickin annoying it is when your hands and/or feet fall asleep and then they start to wake up? I'll be feeling that on a day-to-day basis. Muscle pain, high blood pressure, low platelet blood cell count, which may cause nose bleeds or other bleeding, slow wound healing, and hair loss. The only positive thing is that he hasn't seen nausea in his patients on this combo. At least I won't be puking in the toilet.
I have an appointment to have a wig fitting on May 22nd at the Friend's Boutique at Dana-Farber. I'll be cutting my hair...again. I'm not cutting it until after I actually get dosed with the stuff. Thom was cute, he told me that he'd shave his head when I lose my hair. Solidarity! I was also wondering what my head looks like...will it have weird bumps? It's going to be pale, so I'll have to tan it a bit so it doesn't blind people in the sunlight. :) I'll be getting a bunch of funky wigs, pinks and purples etc. Might as well have fun with it. I was also thinking of having it tattooed with Henna, I think that would be groovy. It's not permanent, so at least if I don't like it, it'll go away. I won't have to worry about having a "bad" hair day...I'll just have a "NO HAIR" day...I already have a baseball cap that reads "No Hair Day". I'll wear pretty scarves and hats and stuff...I can get a wide-brimmed hat, put on sunglasses and pretend I'm Jackie O hiding out from the paparazzi! "No, I'm sorry, I have no comment today."
Aside from all that, I have to admit, I'm pretty scared. There's no "cycle", like after 8 weeks, we'll reevaluate. It sounds to me like I'll be on this constantly. Does this mean I'll never have hair again? Will I be on chemo for the rest of my life? I don't know the answers. Dr. Silver said that we can take a break if we want to go on vacation and stuff, but other than that, it sounds like it'll be constant. He repeated that although I'll never be "cured", the best we can do is keep the cancer beaten into submission. He seems optimistic, which makes me feel better. I've also had the feeling that chemo was in my future. I'm almost glad, I didn't have much faith in the hormone therapy. It did it's job, but it's time to bring in the big guns. I'm ready, I think. I also have a feeling in my heart that this will work.
Funny, but I had a memory. When I was about 10-12, I always had the thought that I was going to "get" cancer. Just had that feeling. And I had the feeling that I would not have children. Why am I telling you these things? Seems like I knew the future before it happened. But as a kid, you just brush those things aside, didn't pay much attention to them. Maybe we are all a little clairvoyant. Or maybe, just me.
In other news, Captain Cinnamon Buns (LMAO, aka Captain Mayo) is moving again...to the other side of Dubai. His plane is still not working. Keep those postcards and cards coming Jim, they brighten my day like you'd never know. I miss you. Gasp! Did I just say that?! Delete, delete! ;)
I have some good news, my unemployment checks finally kicked in! Leave it to the good ole State of Massachusetts to save money where they can...instead of just sending out ONE big check, they sent me 8 INDIVIDUAL checks, all on the same day. Gotta love it. So at least we have a little more money coming in. That was a relief.
Still no job prospects. But now I'm thinking...do I want to go back to work? How do I handle this at an interview?
"Yes, I would like to work for you, but I can only work 4 days a week and I will be needing every Friday off because I have to go into Boston and get chemo." But please, hire me. I think this will put a damper on any job prospects I may have had. I'll have to reevaluate this at a later date.
I may be posting more often, like on a weekly basis to talk about how I'm doing on the chemo, etc. Sorry I've been negligent on my posting lately. But...it's my blog, and I will blog if I want to. Ha!
Saw the new Star Trek movie! Loved it!! The casting was perfect I thought. Well done.
Until next time, "Live long and prosper."
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