I was in the emergency room on Wednesday for back pain which turned out to be kidney stones. They are non-obstructive and not big enough to zap, so they just sent me home with pain meds. Thanks. I made the mistake of going to the hospital across the street from me at work. It's a trauma/life flight center, so Thom and I were in the ER for about 7 hours. There were 2 traumas while I was there. They were so full, I got a lovely spot in the hallway, right next to the nurses' station.
Needless to say, my back is killing me. Been drinking so much water and pissing like a racehorse. Interesting cliche. I've always wondered where this saying came from, so I googled it. Horses, it turns out, don't always feel comfortable urinating just anywhere. Show horses and racehorses spend a great deal of time in their pens and come to feel safe and secure there. They don't like to urinate outside of those pens and in many cases won't.
In fact, show and racehorses are frequently returned to their pens to allow them to urinate. Hence racehorses are often walking around outside of their pens with an urgent need to urinate. (Source: www.joe-ks.com/phrases/phrasesP.htm)
Sounds like me. I hate public restrooms and will not "go" unless it's an emergency! More than you need to know about me, but hey, we're all friends here! ;)
Talked to the doctor at Dana-Farber. He's out of the office until Wednesday and he told me that he will doing a side-by-side comparison of my films then. Hey! It's only been a month! What's the rush?! Pissing me off! <---Hmm, seems that we're back on that subject again! Do I hear water running??? LOL
I told my new boss about the cancer today. I've been putting it off because he just started like 3 weeks ago and that's all he needs! He was very understanding and compassionate and told me that if I need anything, to let him know. That's a relief. The last thing I need is problems with my boss over this. He told me that I should NEVER stop fighting and always keep a positive attitude. Boy am I trying.
Oh, before I forget, big thanks to Ann Falco for donating to my friend Sarah's cause! She's SO close to her goal!! I will write about her hike in another post. She did so well, I'm so proud of her!! Way to go Sarah!
Monday, October 15, 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month
I'm sure you all know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I don't know about you, but almost everywhere I go, I see pink. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, this is GOOD! It makes people aware, makes them think, and it gives people different ways to help. But on the other hand, it makes me aware and makes me think. There's not a minute of my day where I am not thinking about this disease and that I have it. I don't want to go to the grocery store and have it shoved in my face. This is going to be a tough month for me from now on.
I do appreciate it though. More strides have been made in breast cancer research in the last 20 years than has occurred overall in the past 200 years! That's amazing to me.
I will be wearing my pink ribbon pin all month. And I may just buy a pink can of corn!
I do appreciate it though. More strides have been made in breast cancer research in the last 20 years than has occurred overall in the past 200 years! That's amazing to me.
I will be wearing my pink ribbon pin all month. And I may just buy a pink can of corn!
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Infusion Appointment
Finally got my first appointment to get my bone-strengthening infusion: October 17th at 2:15pm at the Worcester Medical Center. Yeah!! Now I don't have to go into Boston once a month!
Two posts in one day, wow!
What are people dressing up as for Halloween? I'm going as Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas. She's basically a rag doll. We all dress up here at work and there's contests, it's fun.
That's it for now.
Two posts in one day, wow!
What are people dressing up as for Halloween? I'm going as Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas. She's basically a rag doll. We all dress up here at work and there's contests, it's fun.
That's it for now.
What?!
Spent most of my morning calling people. I called Dr. Silver's nurse (Dana-Farber) and she told me that somehow, some of my chest CT is missing and they don't have enough to compare. Just by looking at my most current CT, there are a couple of nodules in my chest that are slightly bigger than they would like. BUT, they don't have the previous films, so they can't say if they got bigger, or stayed the same size, or even got smaller.
Then I called UMass to try to get another copy of my original CT sent to Dana-Farber AGAIN! UMass couldn't even find me in the system! I said What?! How can that be??? After some investigating, it was discovered that I was listed as "WebberLebrun". Oh my God! Where did Webber come from?!?! Anyways, I had to fax them a release form and now a CD with my CT results are on their way to Dana-Farber. Then I may get a result. This has been going on for 3 weeks now.
The nurse is going to set up my Zometa infusion, finally. I told her that I was very disappointed in Dana-Farber because they are supposed to be one of the best hospitals around and that I have had to wait this long for anything to happen. I said it's unacceptable. She apologized profusely and told me how bad she felt. I know I feel better after getting that off my chest.
I don't know if you remember about a month or so ago, I was complaining about shoulder pain that lasted for quite a while. Well, I learned this morning from the nurse that I have a rib fracture. OK, WHAT?! How in the name of all that's good did I get a rib fracture?? She said that it was high up on my ribs and it looks post-traumatic. I guess that means that it's not a brand new fracture, but it happened within the last 6 months or so. And here I was thinking I was sleeping on my arm wrong or something. I can't recall anything I've done that could've resulted in a rib fracture. That's just weird. Maybe I should come up with some totally crazy story! I know! I was throwing the old football around with Mike Vrabel from the Patriots and I tackled him and broke my rib. Yeah, that's a much better sounding story than "I don't have a clue as to how I fractured my rib."
Thank you to my friends Jenn, Michele and Adrian for donating to Sarah's fundraising! She and I both appreciate it very much! You guys are so awesome!
Then I called UMass to try to get another copy of my original CT sent to Dana-Farber AGAIN! UMass couldn't even find me in the system! I said What?! How can that be??? After some investigating, it was discovered that I was listed as "WebberLebrun". Oh my God! Where did Webber come from?!?! Anyways, I had to fax them a release form and now a CD with my CT results are on their way to Dana-Farber. Then I may get a result. This has been going on for 3 weeks now.
The nurse is going to set up my Zometa infusion, finally. I told her that I was very disappointed in Dana-Farber because they are supposed to be one of the best hospitals around and that I have had to wait this long for anything to happen. I said it's unacceptable. She apologized profusely and told me how bad she felt. I know I feel better after getting that off my chest.
I don't know if you remember about a month or so ago, I was complaining about shoulder pain that lasted for quite a while. Well, I learned this morning from the nurse that I have a rib fracture. OK, WHAT?! How in the name of all that's good did I get a rib fracture?? She said that it was high up on my ribs and it looks post-traumatic. I guess that means that it's not a brand new fracture, but it happened within the last 6 months or so. And here I was thinking I was sleeping on my arm wrong or something. I can't recall anything I've done that could've resulted in a rib fracture. That's just weird. Maybe I should come up with some totally crazy story! I know! I was throwing the old football around with Mike Vrabel from the Patriots and I tackled him and broke my rib. Yeah, that's a much better sounding story than "I don't have a clue as to how I fractured my rib."
Thank you to my friends Jenn, Michele and Adrian for donating to Sarah's fundraising! She and I both appreciate it very much! You guys are so awesome!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Still No Films
Dana Farber still can't find my old films. I called all the originating hospitals, and they don't have them, so they weren't returned like we originally thought. How frustrating.
What a gorgeous day today! We won't be having many more of these kind of days left this year. Enjoy!
My cubicle is decorated for Halloween! One of my favorite holidays to decorate. So many people at work get a lot of enjoyment seeing my decorations, and that makes me happy.
My new boss started this week. He's been here 3 days in a row, which is more than his predecessor was in any given week! He has a sense of humor, which is imperative if he's going to survive being around me! I welcomed him by putting up a couple of tombstones near his office door!! He was pondering what the meaning of that was...
I would like to ask you all again (for those who haven't donated already), please support my friend Sarah in reaching her fund-raising goal. She is only about $1,000 short and I would hate for her not to make her goal. So please, if you have the means, please give her something. No amount is too little. Here is her website again: http://www.active.com/donate/hfdma/hfdSMcLaug
Thank you for your support!! She is a little less than 2 weeks away from her hike!
GO SARAH!!!! You can do it! We are all behind you!! You are the Cheezburger!
What a gorgeous day today! We won't be having many more of these kind of days left this year. Enjoy!
My cubicle is decorated for Halloween! One of my favorite holidays to decorate. So many people at work get a lot of enjoyment seeing my decorations, and that makes me happy.
My new boss started this week. He's been here 3 days in a row, which is more than his predecessor was in any given week! He has a sense of humor, which is imperative if he's going to survive being around me! I welcomed him by putting up a couple of tombstones near his office door!! He was pondering what the meaning of that was...
I would like to ask you all again (for those who haven't donated already), please support my friend Sarah in reaching her fund-raising goal. She is only about $1,000 short and I would hate for her not to make her goal. So please, if you have the means, please give her something. No amount is too little. Here is her website again: http://www.active.com/donate/hfdma/hfdSMcLaug
Thank you for your support!! She is a little less than 2 weeks away from her hike!
GO SARAH!!!! You can do it! We are all behind you!! You are the Cheezburger!
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Ahh, Dana-Farber
I had my slew of appointments at Dana-Farber yesterday. It was a very long day. My first test was at 1:20. Didn't get out until 5ish. There's some good news and some bad news. First the bad news. ALL my films that they previously had, they don't have anymore. Apparently, they were transferred to the Brigham and Women's Hospital (next door) when I had my bone biopsy, and in their infinite wisdom, noticed that the films were not theirs and sent them back to the originating hospitals (UMass, Marlboro, St. Vincent's etc.). So my doctor had no means to compare the tests I had yesterday with the ones done previously. To say that I am PISSED off is an understatement. These films have been the bane of this whole ordeal. There was always a problem with the films. Bah.
Yesterday, they took CT Scans of my chest, they did an ultrasound of my breast and more mammograms, so at least now they have these films at their institution. Come to find out that legally, films belong to the institution that created them. Legalities. Bullshit. They should be mine. But whatever.
Now the good news. The doctor measured the tumor in my left breast and found that it got smaller. He's very optimistic that because of that, and because I have been feeling fine, that the tamoxifen is doing it's job. I am guarded, just because he didn't have the films in front of him to compare. I'm happy, but I'm guarded. Waiting for those #@!$% films to get back into his hands so I know for definate.
He now wants to put me on a bone strengthening drug called Zometa (a bisphosphonate). Because the tumor metastasized into my bone, this medication will keep my bones strong and prevent the cancer from further spreading in my bones, and may even shrink the tumors that are currently in my bone (only 2 spots in my hips). It's not calcium, but phosphate. He didn't put me on it right away because he didn't want to overwhelm me with too much information. And because it was only a couple of spots, he knew he could wait.
I got this from a medical website:
The latest finding is that bisphosphonates may stop bone metastases from developing at all.
At the 22nd Annual San Antonio Breast Cancer Symposium, in San Antonio, TX, Ingo Diel, MD, Assistant Professor of Medicine, University of Heidelberg, Germany, summarized the evidence in favor of giving bisphosphonates to women with breast cancer who have a high risk of advancing cancer.
He explained that bisphosphonates interrupt the "vicious cycle" of bone metastases, which begins when tumor cells settle into bone and stimulate the release of factors which cause the breakdown of bone tissue. In turn, destruction of bone cells releases factors which stimulate the production of more tumor cells.
It's an IV injection that I have to have once a month. We're trying to find someplace in Worcester that can give me this injection, so that I won't have to go Boston all the time. This is great, see what cancer research does?! This drug that is normally used to prevent osteoporosis has been found to help cancer patients too! Amazing.
I have another appointment with Dr. Silver in 3 months, so I will see him again in December.
Keep doing what you've been doing, something is working! Keep praying, keep sending good thoughts, there's power in numbers! Something is definately working!
Went to my parent's after the appointment and my mom had a awesome home cooked meal for me. Thanks mom! I love you!
Today is Thom's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY THOM! We're now the same age! Ha ha!
Thank you for the calls and emails letting me know that you're thinking of me.
Yesterday, they took CT Scans of my chest, they did an ultrasound of my breast and more mammograms, so at least now they have these films at their institution. Come to find out that legally, films belong to the institution that created them. Legalities. Bullshit. They should be mine. But whatever.
Now the good news. The doctor measured the tumor in my left breast and found that it got smaller. He's very optimistic that because of that, and because I have been feeling fine, that the tamoxifen is doing it's job. I am guarded, just because he didn't have the films in front of him to compare. I'm happy, but I'm guarded. Waiting for those #@!$% films to get back into his hands so I know for definate.
He now wants to put me on a bone strengthening drug called Zometa (a bisphosphonate). Because the tumor metastasized into my bone, this medication will keep my bones strong and prevent the cancer from further spreading in my bones, and may even shrink the tumors that are currently in my bone (only 2 spots in my hips). It's not calcium, but phosphate. He didn't put me on it right away because he didn't want to overwhelm me with too much information. And because it was only a couple of spots, he knew he could wait.
I got this from a medical website:
Enter the bisphosphonates, a relatively new class of drugs developed to prevent the breakdown of bone cells in osteoporosis. In just the past few years, cancer researchers have found that treatment with bisphosphonates will also prevent the destruction of bone by cancer metastases and even cause those metastatic tumors to shrink.
The latest finding is that bisphosphonates may stop bone metastases from developing at all.
At the 22nd Annual San Antonio Breast Cancer Symposium, in San Antonio, TX, Ingo Diel, MD, Assistant Professor of Medicine, University of Heidelberg, Germany, summarized the evidence in favor of giving bisphosphonates to women with breast cancer who have a high risk of advancing cancer.
He explained that bisphosphonates interrupt the "vicious cycle" of bone metastases, which begins when tumor cells settle into bone and stimulate the release of factors which cause the breakdown of bone tissue. In turn, destruction of bone cells releases factors which stimulate the production of more tumor cells.
It's an IV injection that I have to have once a month. We're trying to find someplace in Worcester that can give me this injection, so that I won't have to go Boston all the time. This is great, see what cancer research does?! This drug that is normally used to prevent osteoporosis has been found to help cancer patients too! Amazing.
I have another appointment with Dr. Silver in 3 months, so I will see him again in December.
Keep doing what you've been doing, something is working! Keep praying, keep sending good thoughts, there's power in numbers! Something is definately working!
Went to my parent's after the appointment and my mom had a awesome home cooked meal for me. Thanks mom! I love you!
Today is Thom's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY THOM! We're now the same age! Ha ha!
Thank you for the calls and emails letting me know that you're thinking of me.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Labor Day
I hope you all had a nice Labor Day weekend!
Thom, our friend Kevin and I went out on our boat yesterday and tooled around the lake near our house. I had a wonderful time. I love being out on the water, it's so relaxing. We saw many Great Blue Herons, they are amazing birds. They have to be the most graceful LARGE birds I've ever seen. When they fly, they look like Pterodactyls! The weather was gorgeous! Thom got a sunburn, but I didn't. Have to thank my parents for my Italian heritage and the ability to not burn!
I've been seeing a therapist for about 4 weeks now. I figured that I need someone to talk to that is a neutral party. It's nice to just vent and cry and not feel guilty doing so. Sometimes I just don't want to cry around anyone because I'm afraid that I'll bring the other person down. But this is good for the soul. I don't have to be upbeat around her if I don't feel like it. I can just BE and it's all good. I really like her, she almost seems to know me and alot of the things she says I think to myself, "Yeah, that's ME!" My mind has been quieter since I started seeing her. Calm mind=calm soul=happier Emily!
I'm starting to work on my panic attacks. I bought Lucinda Basset's Attacking Panic & Anxiety program and I'm on session 2. You've probably heard her commercials on the radio or TV and I figured what the hell?! So far, so good. I'm not ready to drive yet, but I swear, listening to those CDs, I feel like they are talking about me. I just never realized how many other people out there suffer from this just like me. They are just like me. It gives me hope that I can overcome this once and for all. When it comes to panic, I am my own worst enemy. I make the panic, I make it as bad as it is. I FEED it. Time to starve the panic like my medicine is starving the cancer. Things cannot grow if they have no fuel. Simple concept. Lofty goal.
I'm feeling good, no complaints. I see the doctor in 10 days. Keep those prayers and positive thoughts coming my way.
You guys are the best! Thank you for the continuous comments and support. You'll never know how much it means to me.
Much love,
E
Thom, our friend Kevin and I went out on our boat yesterday and tooled around the lake near our house. I had a wonderful time. I love being out on the water, it's so relaxing. We saw many Great Blue Herons, they are amazing birds. They have to be the most graceful LARGE birds I've ever seen. When they fly, they look like Pterodactyls! The weather was gorgeous! Thom got a sunburn, but I didn't. Have to thank my parents for my Italian heritage and the ability to not burn!
I've been seeing a therapist for about 4 weeks now. I figured that I need someone to talk to that is a neutral party. It's nice to just vent and cry and not feel guilty doing so. Sometimes I just don't want to cry around anyone because I'm afraid that I'll bring the other person down. But this is good for the soul. I don't have to be upbeat around her if I don't feel like it. I can just BE and it's all good. I really like her, she almost seems to know me and alot of the things she says I think to myself, "Yeah, that's ME!" My mind has been quieter since I started seeing her. Calm mind=calm soul=happier Emily!
I'm starting to work on my panic attacks. I bought Lucinda Basset's Attacking Panic & Anxiety program and I'm on session 2. You've probably heard her commercials on the radio or TV and I figured what the hell?! So far, so good. I'm not ready to drive yet, but I swear, listening to those CDs, I feel like they are talking about me. I just never realized how many other people out there suffer from this just like me. They are just like me. It gives me hope that I can overcome this once and for all. When it comes to panic, I am my own worst enemy. I make the panic, I make it as bad as it is. I FEED it. Time to starve the panic like my medicine is starving the cancer. Things cannot grow if they have no fuel. Simple concept. Lofty goal.
I'm feeling good, no complaints. I see the doctor in 10 days. Keep those prayers and positive thoughts coming my way.
You guys are the best! Thank you for the continuous comments and support. You'll never know how much it means to me.
Much love,
E
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Change
Don't like it. Never did, never will. Unfortunately, it's a fact of life and I can't do much to stop it. The change I'm complaining about is my friend Libby has moved to Maryland. Over the past year, I've gotten pretty close to Libby and discovered that we are kindred spirits. I've had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I won't be seeing her everyday at work, and outside of work. Maryland is not THAT far, but it's not as close as she was.
I guess I'm just selfish. I know that this is something she had to do. Better job, better money, better everything. But I want my Libby, dammit! :)
I'm telling myself that she's on vacation! A very LONG vacation!
And before I forget, thank you, Libby, for donating to my friend Sarah's fundraising effort!! I love you!
Anyways, other than being sad over losing my friend, I'm doing fine.
I guess I'm just selfish. I know that this is something she had to do. Better job, better money, better everything. But I want my Libby, dammit! :)
I'm telling myself that she's on vacation! A very LONG vacation!
And before I forget, thank you, Libby, for donating to my friend Sarah's fundraising effort!! I love you!
Anyways, other than being sad over losing my friend, I'm doing fine.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Checking In
It's been brought to my attention that I've been rather quiet lately. I take it as "No news is good news", but others do not! So I'm just checking in and letting you guys know what hasn't been happening!
I've been trying to enjoy my summer, haven't been doing much, which is fine with me. I'm just enjoying the laid back time, no doctor appointments, just day-to-day stuff. I've been hanging out with friends, going to plays, movies, dinners etc. It's been peaceful and relaxing. I'm sure I'll have a lot more to write about next month when I go back to the doctors for tests. I guess you guys better enjoy the silence while it lasts! :) But I know you guys are concerned, which I appreciate!
Funny story: On the way to work one morning, I was trying to convince Thom that I am a mean person. He's patronizing me, telling me I am not mean. Well, we were eating some strudel pasteries (raspberry and apple) and I noticed that there was only one apple left. I thought to myself that this would be the perfect opportunity to show Thom that I was mean. So I grabbed the last apple strudel. I held it out, all proud of myself and gloated to Thom "Ha ha, I took the last apple strudel, see, I am mean." Without missing a beat, Thom just GRABS the strudel OUT of my hands and puts it in his mouth!!! I guess the look of shock and disbelief on my face was hysterical. Thom says, "No, now THAT was mean!" We both had a very good laugh about that. It was pretty funny!
Hey, I got bones to pick with you guys too! I've been quiet, but so haven't you! The comments are drying up, I'm beginning to feel like you guys don't care anymore! ;) I love hearing from you, I guess as much as you guys like hearing from me. So I'll keep the entries coming as long as you guys keep the comments coming! Ok, deal!
I've been trying to enjoy my summer, haven't been doing much, which is fine with me. I'm just enjoying the laid back time, no doctor appointments, just day-to-day stuff. I've been hanging out with friends, going to plays, movies, dinners etc. It's been peaceful and relaxing. I'm sure I'll have a lot more to write about next month when I go back to the doctors for tests. I guess you guys better enjoy the silence while it lasts! :) But I know you guys are concerned, which I appreciate!
Funny story: On the way to work one morning, I was trying to convince Thom that I am a mean person. He's patronizing me, telling me I am not mean. Well, we were eating some strudel pasteries (raspberry and apple) and I noticed that there was only one apple left. I thought to myself that this would be the perfect opportunity to show Thom that I was mean. So I grabbed the last apple strudel. I held it out, all proud of myself and gloated to Thom "Ha ha, I took the last apple strudel, see, I am mean." Without missing a beat, Thom just GRABS the strudel OUT of my hands and puts it in his mouth!!! I guess the look of shock and disbelief on my face was hysterical. Thom says, "No, now THAT was mean!" We both had a very good laugh about that. It was pretty funny!
Hey, I got bones to pick with you guys too! I've been quiet, but so haven't you! The comments are drying up, I'm beginning to feel like you guys don't care anymore! ;) I love hearing from you, I guess as much as you guys like hearing from me. So I'll keep the entries coming as long as you guys keep the comments coming! Ok, deal!
Friday, August 3, 2007
Holy Cow
On the way to work on Tuesday, Thom and I see this rather LARGE animal crossing the road ahead of us. Both of us are like, "WTF?!" Thom slows down and what do we see crossing the road? No, it ain't no chicken! It's a big black cow!
He/She (I don't know what it was and I wasn't going to get close enough to find out!) just jaunted across the street, stopping traffic and people were taking pictures! This cow just walks onto someone's front yard, looking at us like WE'RE out of the ordinary! Imagine you're in your house, holding a cup of coffee, and you happen to look out your window. You expect to see those lovely flowers you planted, or the lawn that NEEDS to be cut (the neighbors are beginning to call you Jim Bob) and instead of those things, you see a COW eating your azaleas! WTF?! What do you say? SHOO?! BEAT IT?!
No, you'll just stand there, mouth opened wide and pray that this cow doesn't decide to make itself at home! Because, really, what can you do?! Have you ever tried to tip a cow? And while we're on that subject, how much DO you tip a cow?! 15%? 20%?!
A big thank you to Denise for donating to Sarah's cause! Thank you Thank you!!
He/She (I don't know what it was and I wasn't going to get close enough to find out!) just jaunted across the street, stopping traffic and people were taking pictures! This cow just walks onto someone's front yard, looking at us like WE'RE out of the ordinary! Imagine you're in your house, holding a cup of coffee, and you happen to look out your window. You expect to see those lovely flowers you planted, or the lawn that NEEDS to be cut (the neighbors are beginning to call you Jim Bob) and instead of those things, you see a COW eating your azaleas! WTF?! What do you say? SHOO?! BEAT IT?!
No, you'll just stand there, mouth opened wide and pray that this cow doesn't decide to make itself at home! Because, really, what can you do?! Have you ever tried to tip a cow? And while we're on that subject, how much DO you tip a cow?! 15%? 20%?!
A big thank you to Denise for donating to Sarah's cause! Thank you Thank you!!
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