Today

HiHo!

Got my Zometa infustion and Faslodex injections today. Infusion went fine, the injections...well...I bled through the bandaide on my right side and it soaked through to my denim skirt. Not too happy about that.

Today I thought I would entertain you with my monthly bloodwork results. They follow 3 cancer markers: CEA, Cancer Antigen 15-3 and CA 27-29. They kind of give an overview of how I'm doing. If the markers keep going up, that's not a good thing. The lower the better, but they fluctuate so much from month to month.

Cancer Markers

	Monthly		Normal ranges
	8/21/08	9/17/08
CEA	10.8	13.7	0-5.0 ng/mL
Cancer Antigen	257	147	0-31 u/mL
CA 27-29	277	316	0-37 u/mL

So 2 went up, and 1 went down. Like a yo-yo. Sorry, not the best of tables, but the HTML language is hard to do. Can't figure out how to make the columns wider without messing everything else up. HEY!! You computer geeks out there, help a girl out!! ;)

Also today, I got weighed in for Weight Watchers. I'm trying to lose at least 20 pounds, that's the goal anyways. I lost 3.6 pounds. Go me.

Going swimming at the gym today too. I look forward to swimming, I enjoy it a lot.

My old friend, Roberta, from High School found me through Facebook. That Facebook is an amazing thing! Getting in touch with lots of people I've lost touch with over the years is so nice.

Been driving still. I think I'm almost up to 15 min one way. It's weird, I should be very happy, but instead, I feel more down. Yesterday, I was very depressed and I couldn't put my finger on why. Yes, I'm still very nervous driving, yes, it's hard, but I'm doing it...so why don't I feel better?

Avast, me hearties!

Today is International Talk like a Pirate Day! www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

My pirate name is Mad Jenny Rackham and all day long I was going up to people saying, "Arrr, ye scurvy dog, swab the decks or ye goin' be walkin' de plank and meetin' Davy Jones, savvy?" One girl brought in eye patches for people to wear. Next year I hope to bring in some pirate booty. :)

More importantly, today, I drove by myself. I drove for 10 minutes. I was very nervous, but I did it! Baby steps. I will do it again tomorrow. I'm very happy about this, I haven't driven by myself (except to the gas station 1 min away) in over a year.

People take it for granted, but driving is not so easy for me. It's one of my biggest panic triggers. That and traffic. Well, just the feeling of being trapped, of not being able to get away if I need to. So, like the Mass Pike is a problem for me because the exits are pretty far away from each other, and I feel like I can't get off that road fast if I needed to. But these are things I'm working on getting over. Or getting used to dealing with. If I can get control of this panic, a whole new world can open up for me. I'll be able to do so much more. I've been feeling pretty sorry for myself the past year, and I didn't realize it until recently. That's a hard realization to come to. I can't control the cancer, but I can take back the control that the panic has taken away. I have the power, I have the control. When I learn not to fear the sensations I get when I have a panic attack, I will no longer get them. Seems simple. In theory, it is. Putting it into practice will take, well, practice. Lots and lots of it. I will keep you posted on my successes.

Got another low-grade fever last night. I'm going to be calling my doctor on Monday, it may be nothing, but I want to make sure. It may just be the medication, or the hot flashes, who knows. The fever only lasts for less than 24 hours. It's strange. Maybe I have cat scratch fever. LOL, that's for you Thom!

A man and his Dummies

Thom and I went to see my favorite comedian (next to Bill Cosby) on Saturday night, Jeff Dunham. OMG, he was HILARIOUS!!!!! I didn't stop laughing for the entire 90-minute show, plus the encore. I'm still laughing about it today. He brought Walter, Jose the Jalapeno "on a steek", Achmed the dead terrorist, Peanut and Bubba J. We were 6 rows from the stage, center, perfect seats. Jeff tried out some of his new Christmas material on us. Achmed came out wearing a Santa hat, saying it was his "disguise" and proceeded to say to Dunham, "Merry Christmas! I KEEL you!". Achmed had his own rendition of "Jingle Bells" called "Jingle Bombs". If you don't know Achmed, he is a failed suicide bomber who is all bones. He told Jeff that he was at the doctor's and was told he had Scoliosis. The doctor wanted to take an Xray. Achmed said that he should've just taken a Polaroid, it was the same thing! It's so politically incorrect, it's hilarious. Walter, the crumudgedy old man is my favorite puppet, who always exclaims, "What the HELL!" and "I don't care."

Check out his "Very Special Christmas Special" November 16th on Comedy Central, it's going to be awesome.

Then on Sunday, we watched the Patriots play, and Tom Brady got hurt. To me, it looked like an ACL tear in his left knee, which could be, depending on the severity of the tear, season ending. And although Matt Cassell did a decent job filling in (they won), he's no Brady. But we could have a Cinderella season with Cassell, he'll have to step up. He'll get better as the season goes on, but this is a bitter pill to swallow. We've been spoiled, and I'm sure that there are many people out there that are happy that he's out.


I also got a gift from Captain Mayonnaise, my very own camel. Isn't he cute?? He's even got a hump! I think I will name him Cemal, it's Arabic for attractive and can also be unscrambled to spell camel. How clever!

Huh?!

Yeah, so I don't think my hearing is so good, no matter what that quack doctor told me (see blog entry on 4/9/08, Say What?). My friend Melissa and I took our friend Chris out for lunch for his birthday and we were sitting in a little cafe chatting. He was talking about what one of his friends gave him for his birthday...

Chris: "I got a great gift from Peter!"
Emily: "Oh yeah?! What did he give you?"
Chris: "Two years worth of porn!"
Emily: "What?! Two years worth of porn?? Wow, that's some gift! I didn't think you two were that close."

Chris pauses and just looks at me. Melissa can't talk because she's laughing so hard.

Chris: "Umm, no, he gave me two EARS worth of CORN!"

I can't make this shit up folks!!

Maybe I had those 2 ears of corn in my ears!!

Beach Time

Thom and I finally made it to the beach yesterday, the first time the whole summer. We went to the Scarborough State Beach in Rhode Island. It was a beautiful day and we had a nice time. The waves were rather high and Thom and were trying not to get knocked down by them. The water was a bit nipply and full of seaweed. I hate the feeling of seaweed wrapped around my ankles. Eeeck. Scarborough is a nice clean beach with a little ice cream shop at one of the pavilions. I love the smell and sounds of the beach, it's so relaxing. I remember as a kid that we got up early in the morning to be at the beach by 8 or 9am. And we spent the whole day there! Those are great memories. We would get home totally spent, but happy.

I got my bone infusion and my 2 injections and today it really hurt. I could hardly walk for about 2 hours after. My joints hurt and I'm an overall bitch. Took some Advil, so I'm feeling a bit better. The nurse who administered it did so rather quickly, and the faster you inject it, the more it burns. We had to do it in the bathroom because there were no free rooms. She's telling me to hold on to the sink, and being the public bathroom germaphobe that I am, refused to touch anything in that bathroom. So that was interesting.

Not much else to report except that I can't wait for today to be over with. Tomorrow is another day!

If it walks like a duck...

Here's a picture of the little ducklings I feed daily. Unfortunately, there are only 3 ducklings left now...

 

And Captain Mayonaisse sent a picture of the local Starbucks in Dubai...



Are you kidding me?! Is everything so pretentious there?? But I have to admit, it is pretty impressive.

So I'm wondering...are there a lot of Arabs sitting in Starbucks using their free wi-fi pretending to look important?? Or just one American guy?? ;)

Old Friends

Today is a good day. It just started, and no matter what happens, it's a good day.

I found an old friend I went to college with. We lost touch, oh, I don't know, 8 maybe 9 years ago. We hung out all the time, he was one of my best friends. I found him through a website called LinkedIn (www.linkedin.com). It's a networking site. You don't know how happy I am that I found him.

Just wanted to share, I don't like losing touch with people, so this makes me happy.

The Olympics begin tonight! If you don't know, I'm a big fan of the Olympics! Love watching it. Swimming, Gymnastics, and Track and Field are my favorite summer Olympic games. Watch out for Micheal Phelps in swimming, he's going to dominate! I have to laugh because Thom had to endure Shark Week, now he has to endure a month of the Olympic Games! :) He's a good sport though.

The Patriots started playing last night! This brings mixed feelings: ecstatic because football season is here, sadness because that means that winter is coming. It was so good to see football on TV! And don't get me started on Bret Favre. Will the new chant at The Meadowlands be: B-R-E-T, Bret Bret Bret?? I don't think so. What a tool, I lost what little respect I had for him. He should've just retired while he was on top and be done with it. T-O-O-L, Tool Tool Tool!

Hope you all have a good day too.

Quack Quack

Every day around this time I go out to the lake that's behind our building and I feed the local ducks that are there. I look forward to this time because it's so relaxing and it gets me centered. There are probably 20 ducks that are in the lake. Some of them are waiting on the grass, the others come out once they see me. The ones that come out from the water crack me up because they start "running", more like a fast waddle! Some even flap their wings to get to the food faster! It just makes me laugh. Anyways, the reason I'm telling you this is because today the little babies came out! There were 4 little duckies and this is the first time they've ventured out of the water. They were with their Mommy who snipped at any other duck that came close to her babies. The babies are so fluffy and cute! That just made my day. I'll be sad when winter comes. If I remember to take my camera out and take some pictures, I'll post them.

On one of the previous days I was out there, I saw the great blue heron who hangs out in the lake. He came so close to shore that day, I thought for sure he was going to come out and try to get some of the food. It was amazing! They are so majestic and graceful for such large birds. That was a good day too.

I love animals, I really do. I saw an amazing video on Youtube.com about Christian the lion. If you look it up, I swear, it will bring you to tears, it's so touching. It might be under "hugging lion", I'm not sure. Animals just amaze me. Sometimes I can't find the words to express my love and appreciation of animals. I like animals more than I like some people.

And if you haven't yet gone to the movies to see the new Batman movie "The Dark Knight", what the hell is wrong with you??? It was awesome! Heath Ledger nailed his character (The Joker) right on the head. Loved it loved it! It was a 2 and a half hour movie and I didn't even notice it. Usually I get antsy around the 1 1/2 hour mark, but this kept my full attention throughout. Best movie of the summer hands down. I think my brother-in-law would even like it. He's got some wacky taste in movies...for cripes sakes, he liked "No Such Thing", which was THE worst movie EVER!!!!!!!!!!! Two hours of my life I will never get back. Ughh, it was so bad. When he left the States, he left us his collection of DVDs and that movie was in the mix. I think I burned it. Oops, now he'll know. But he's going to tell me that he hates the Batman movie just because he's a pain in the ass (Like I need another pain in the ass, seriously.)

Until next time, here are some words of wisdom:

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." - Emerson

I wear that saying on a bracelet. Gives me strength.

Faslodex

Went in for my usual monthly injection and today we added the new medication Faslodex. No lie, the needles were 3" long. Yes, you read correctly, it was needleS, plural. My dosage was 500mg, but the needles only come in 250mg (of course!), so that means 2 sticks in the ass for me. Got one on each cheek. So I'm laying on the hospital bed bare-assed, which I'm sure was a funny site. I have 3 bandaids total, one on my hand and one on each cheek. How cute. I have to go back in 2 weeks for the next dose, then again on August 25th. After that, it's only 1x month. Can we say pincushion?? My poor bum. Thom is still the bigger pain in the ass though. He has not been upstaged yet. :)

Hmm, how many times did I say ass in the previous paragraph? Let's see...counting...well, only 3 times, but it seemed a lot more to me.

Anyways, the weekend was quiet, just how I like them.

That's all I have to report.

Results...and an unusually calm Emily

Went to see the doctor at Dana-Farber on Friday. We waited for 2 1/2 hours. I was upset, but I got over it when I realized that he gives each of his patients the time that they need, he doesn't rush. We spent a good 45 minutes with him. I have to be understanding because for all I know, some woman just got diagnosed and needed a little more time with him, like I did when I first went in. Next time I will bring a book or something.

The news wasn't good. The lung nodules grew and the tumors in my hips grew. Now we are changing meds again, this is the last of the hormonal therapy. It's an injection once a month, it's called Faslodex. I will remain on the Lupron (the harpoon). So all my medications are injections now. I don't think that there will be an unsore spot on my ass from now on! Gives a whole new meaning to "pain in the ass"!

I have more scans in November, so if this injection doesn't work, the next step is to start chemo. But it will be chemo in pill form. I won't lose my hair with this, but there is a weird reaction: the palms of my hands and the soles of my feet could become very irritated. For some reason, the chemo accumulates in the thick skin on these 2 areas.

I'm unusually calm upon hearing this news. Recently, I've had this calm feeling deep down, like everything is going to be ok. Don't know how long it will last, but I'm going with it for now.

The doctor said that in cases like mine, where the tumor doesn't respond to hormone therapy when it should, chemo becomes very effective. He's not sure why, but it does. Chemo could become my mixed blessing. Not surprised, I have never done anything like I should, so should I expect anything different from a tumor that is in me?

We talked about removing the original tumor from the breast. He doesn't see the need for it. He doesn't want to put me through unnecessary pain, and the surgery would be invasive. He said that maybe in future, once we get the cancer more manageable, we could do it, but unless it becomes a problem (more so than it is already!!), there's no need. I agree.

He's more convinced now that the nodules in my lungs are breast cancer. If he didn't see any change in them, he would still question, but because they grew along with the hip ones, he thinks that it is the same.