Doctor's Visit

Saw the doctor on the 11th. Seems like my tumor markers are creeping up again. They are still very low, but he's going to watch them over the next couple of cycles. I will see him again in August, where he will check the markers again. If they are still going up, he wants to switch my chemo. The next chemo will be in pill form. Yes, I said pill form. This means a few things.

1) I won't have to go into Boston every week.
2) I get a break from being poked by needles.
3) This means that yet another treatment is crossed off the list. I really wish that these treatments last more than 1 year. The hormone treatments only lasted a year, and now this is a year. There are only an finite number of treatments out there, and if they only last a year each...well...

The side effects for the pill chemo is redness, ichiness and maybe rashes on the palms and the heal of the feet. It doesn't make hair fall out, so maybe I'll get my eyebrows to grow back.

I'm torn about this. I felt that this current therapy was working wonderfully, which it was. I'm afraid to change. And I had begun looking forward to my treatments every week. It was almost a comfort. I know, I'm weird.

Work has been great. I'm enjoying it a lot. They are keeping me busy, which is good for me.

I ended up in the hospital about a week and half ago. It started out with an infection: fever, naseau, and vomiting. Couldn't keep anything down, even water. Ended up in the ER and found out I was very dehydrated. After being in the hospital for 4 hours, they were ready to discharge me. I had my shoes on when I started to get the chills again. The nurse looked at me and could see that I was regressing. That's when they decided to keep me overnight. I craved water, and that's all I could think about, I was obsessed with drinking water. And no matter how much I drank, I still wanted more. It was crazy.

I was at this little hospital close to home, and it's pretty high tech. There's a barcode on my ID bracelet, and before they give me anything, they scan the bracelet, and then the meds/IV, whatever. It all goes into a computer. It's very neat.

Anyways, my 102.5 fever broke in the middle of the night, and that's when I started to feel better. I got to go home later that afternoon. I never want to feel like that again, it was horrible. Now I'm drinking water like it's going out of style. They told me I should be drinking about 9 glasses of water a day.

Nothing funny has been happening in my life lately! I need blog material!! :)

Just checking in

Hi everyone!

I'm just checking in to let you all know that I'm still here and doing well! Had treatment yesterday and all went fine. I see the doctor on June 4th.

Work is going well, I am enjoying it!

Thom's last day got extended until August 27th. The stupid people realized that they let too many go too soon and are now scrambling to keep enough people to finish the work that's left. Ugghh, don't even get me started on that #$@%! company. Closing that site is probably the worst decision they've made. Do you know how much experience and talent are going to be lost? It's a shame. Good for the company's who are taking advantage and hiring people.

Thom hasn't found anything yet. I wish that someone would realize how much talent and knowledge he has. Whoever gets him will be very lucky.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there, both to 2 legged children and 4 legged children! Mother's Day is also The Deadliest Catch Marathon. You bet I'm watching it! The commercial's are cute too, they have these rugged, manly seamen holding home-made cards for their moms. Makes me smile.

Speaking of my favorite show, I have to give my formal farewell to my favorite Captain, Phil Harris. God Speed Captain. You made me laugh often, and learning about "crab farts." You will be sorely missed. It's hard to watch this season knowing that you are only part of half of it.

Thom showed me something in our yard.

We have a robin's nest in a bush next to the barn. As we were looking at the nest, the mom robin was squaking at us from a nearby tree branch. Thom said she divebombed his head. What a good mommy bird. Oh and excuse my finger in the picture.

Well, time to get back to my show.

3 years

Today is the 3rd anniversary since I was diagnosed. Has it been 3 years already? Seems cliche, but it just seems like yesterday. I probably say this every year, but it's true.

Things have been good here, quiet, but good. Job is great, I like it very much.

Witnessed something funny the other day. Robins have made a nest nearby and from time to time, I see one of the robins sitting on our car. It will hop from the side view mirror to the driver's side window. Back and forth, back and forth. It seems like it sees it's reflection in the side view mirror, then tries to get this invader bird, and hops onto the side view. It's funny to watch.

I'm trying to grow my hair out. I want to see how long it will grow. It's in an awkward stage right now, so hopefully I can weather this out.

Captain Mayo will be back in the states for good in May. He's leaving Dubai and heading to Texas to be with his fiance. But first, he's making a stop in Brookfield.

Treatment went well yesterday. Feeling good.

Here's to another year!

New Beginning?

Quite a few things have changed in the last week.

Thom was offered a position in Chicago. To even see if this move was feasible, we had a real estate agent come to the house to tell us how much we could sell our house for. In the current market, we would get $50k less than what we owe on the house. There was no way that we could do this. So, the decision was made not to move to Chicago. But that also means that we are unable to move closer to Boston. At least not yet. Anyone want to buy a house in Brookfield?? ;)

I have a new job! I had an interview on Monday and got out at 2:30. At 3:30, I got the call that I got the job! Sahweeet! And that's all I'm going to say about that.

I really believe things happen for a reason. I start on Monday. But now Thom is going to be out of work on April 23rd, so we are just switching positions. No step ahead, but no step back either. Hopefully Thom will get a job soon too. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

I began driving a little again! I made it all the way to Millbury, which is like almost to Worcester. One day, I was just driving to Walmart which became like second nature, and I decided to see how far I could drive before I started freaking out. At every stoplight, I said to myself, "Lets just make it to the next stoplight." And I kept saying that. This is absolutely a miracle for me. I tried to produce an anxiety attack, but one wouldn't come. Could my medications actually be working?? About a month ago, I asked my doctor if there was something else he could give me to control the anxiety, because I felt like I needed just a little something else to push me over the hump. This is going to sound weird, but while trying to induce an attack, I actually felt the anxiety hit a wall and it couldn't get through it to escalate. I felt such elation! Do you know what this means?!? I am not a prisoner to myself anymore. I won't have to depend on people to drive me everywhere I need to go. How amazing that would be!

In other news, Chemo is still going well, I'm feeling good.

Thanks for standing by me.

Voice

I got sick around March 3rd, had a very nasty cough, so nasty, it made me vomit (TMI I know). I was coughing so much that I lost my voice, and I mean lost it. I couldn't even speak at all. Thom enjoyed that time because it was quiet! That lasted for a good week and a half. I got some cough medicine from my doctor and that worked miracles. No more coughing, which gave my voice box and larynx time to recoup. But now I have my voice back, it's still froggy, but at least I can talk.

Still looking for a job.

We're having a real estate agent coming to the house tomorrow to look at it and appraise it etc. Just to see. We don't have any kind of plan yet, and that sucks. I hate having things up in the air like this.

Treatment's going fine. The IV's are getting harder to put into my hands because they've been poked so much, they've developed scar tissue and they have to press harder to get the needles in. Truth be told, that's the worst part of it. The veins are more prone to collapsing because they're poked a lot. I'm surprised I don't have track marks! ;)

I've been slowly getting rid of the clutter in the house. I have a huge pile to donate/sell whatever. It's amazing the amount of stuff you accumulate over the years.

Well, I'm going to go take a dog out for a walk. I can't take both of them at the same time because they kill me. I get so exhausted. But I always feel bad for the one I leave behind because they look at me like, "Mama, why aren't you taking ME?!" Breaks my heart. I need Ceasar Milan to come and show me how to be a better pack leader. That guy is utterly amazing. I watch his show and try to implement his techniques, but it doesn't work. Max is a good boy, I took the time to train him. But Tanner? She's a bundle of energy and she makes me so tired.

Anyways, talk soon!

Harsh Lesson Learned

I got fired from my job today (well, it was actually yesterday because it's 2:30 am) because of my previous blog entry. I violated a code of conduct. So I am unemployed again. This is a record low for me. I don't know what to say except I've learned a harsh lesson. I was stupid and payed the price.

I start chemo again today. I see the doctor today too.

That's all I got, not feeling much like writing.

Owned

I got my ass kicked in a comment from my previous post. After reading the comment, it made me stop and think, and they were right. I am not perfect, nor should I judge anyone or their abilities. I feel chagrined and ashamed, and I will watch what I say from now on.

Just wish they left their name. It's easy to talk behind the name "Anonymous".

Anyways, this is the internet after all, and information is pretty accessible to most anyone. I should watch my mouth.

I actually spent time with the lady on my left and I got to know a lot about her. I was too quick to judge and for that I apologize.

If anyone was offended by my previous post, I'm sorry. I edited the post to relect that. I left the "Anonymous" comments on the blog just as a reminder.

Automated Hell

I have recently found a new job! It's a contract job at Genzyme in Framingham. It's a 3-month assignment, but the project I was assigned to is going to go on to at least April of 2011, so hopefully they will continue to re-up my contract, and maybe even make me a permanent employee. That's my goal. I started this week, on Tuesday. This company is SO huge, I feel like a very small fish in a very large pond. I'm used to being in companies that are only in one building, not like Genzyme.

I don't have a cubicle or anything, I was put into what is affectionately called "The War Room." Now, if that's not an indication of something, I don't know what is! There are like 16 people in this room. We are set up on tables and I have a miniscule amount of space, enough to fit my keyboard and laptop and THAT'S IT! Talk about being ergonomically INCORRECT! I have no place to put my coat or purse. And I don't even get a drawer. I understand that I'm a contractor and only temporary, so they don't want to dump any resources to us, but come on!

Anyways, to recap my first day:

1) Got settled into my new home.

2) Got a laptop.

3) Got all my logins. Had a problem with logging in. Locked out of account. Had to call the help desk.

4) Training…Overwhelmed.

5) No supplies, no paper, no pens, no paper clips. Nada. Had to borrow someone’s pen and write on napkins. (How much does this company make??)

6) I misjudged the speed of the printer, so everyone had to wait for me to print my long-ass SOPs.

7) And lastly, and most hilarious:


So I go to the ladies room right…easy task? Nope, not for me.

Welcome to my automated HELL.

First, the toilet is automated, but it wouldn’t flush, so I had to manually flush it.

Second, the soap dispenser is automatic and I misjudged the trajectory of the soap (usually it comes right below the spigot. Nope, not this one, this one had a very large arc), so it missed my hands. Had to repeat, got it now. Fool me once, shame on you…

Third, the faucet is automatic, so I try to rinse my hands. Water comes on, so I rinse my hands. Thought I was done with that, but OH NOOOOOO, the movement of my hands away from the faucet caused the friggin soap to dispense, so now I have soap on my hands again. Rinse the second time.

Now I try to move away from the soap, and to my left is the paper towel dispense, which is also automatic, so now the paper is rolling out!

I couldn’t move anywhere without something going off!!!!!! OMG

Can’t wait to see what happens on Day 2!

Day 2 was pretty uneventful. Meetings on stuff I don't know much about yet, but it was good to go so that I can start getting the "lingo".

I have friends who work here, but they are in another building, so I don't see them. That sucks.

But it's a job, so I am not complaining.

The Good, The Bad and The Weird

I had such high hopes for 2010...

Let's start with the Good: I am doing very well on my treatment, my oncologist gave me a 5 week vacation from chemo! I don't see him until the end of February. My blood counts have been low and I've been feeling well enough, he thought it would be a good pausing point. His thoughts were that he wants to stretch out this treatment as long as possible. And he also wants to see how my counts react with some time off from the chemo.

He was surprised that my hair was growing back. He even asked me, "Why is your hair growing back?" I looked at him, "I don't know, why are you asking me, you're the doctor!" So I guess it's abnormal for hair to grow back while still on chemo. Maybe I've developed a super-strain of hair that is resistant to chemo? I don't know! I am not complaining by any means.

Now for the Bad: Thom found out that he will be losing his job on March 12, and so will the 340 other employees at Charles River Labs. They decided to shut down his site because they were an non-profitable business model.

When I found out, I freaked out. This means that we will both be out of jobs. I don't know how we will make it. My biggest fear is insurance. We have a very good insurance policy right now, and I'm afraid that if we have to switch to another insurance, the coverage won't be as good. Chemo is EXPENSIVE, and if it was not for the insurance, I'd be a dead woman walking because there is no way we could afford it otherwise. We will find out what his severance package will include by the end of this month.

Thom has a lot of friends in similar companies, so he has a good chance of finding a job. No one has called yet, which makes me nervous. I hope he finds a job soon. His company offered some people jobs in their other sites, like Maryland, Reno and Chicago. Thom is one of those people, but we don't have much information, nor an official offer. So we'll see.

As far as the Weird is concerned: All I can say right now is that the FBI showed up at my door a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully, I'll be able to write more on this later.

So our lives are a little upside down at the moment. Not sure what direction we are headed in. I will keep you updated.

Much love!

Welcome 2010

As we welcome in the New Year, I like to look back at the past year...good and bad...and remember what I have to be grateful for.

This year was dominated by the loss of my job. It has taken me until last night to come to terms with it. I was having a hard time with it. But I look at it now as a chapter of my life closing and a new chapter beginning. I wonder what it holds for me.

I am thankful for my family. I have a strong support network and I know they all love me very much. And I love them very much.

I am thankful for my friends. As Clarence from It's a Wonderful Life said, Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends. Thanks to Facebook, I am reconnecting with a lot of them! This year I spent time with childhood and high school friends. I didn't realize how much I missed them in my life. But now that I am in touch with them, I won't lose them again.

I am thankful for my health. I started chemotherapy this year and it was filled with good news as far as my cancer markers were concerned. They continued to go down and that means that the chemo is doing it's job! I am thankful that my side-effects are minimal, and other than feeling tired, I feel better than I have in years!

I am thankful for Thom. He has been by my side through everything. He has to be the most patient, loving, and forgiving man I have ever met. I would be so lost without him. We've been together for 19 years and it's been wonderful!

Resolutions? I usually try to stay away from them. I feel they only set you up for failure. Well, the diet and exercise ones anyways! But mine is to keep being grateful for what I have.

Here's to a great 2010! Thank you for being in my life!