Ass cancer??

My butt has been hurting for a week now from the injection. Today, I just noticed that the injection site now has a hard lump around it. There are no doctors in the office to call, so I have to wait until Monday. Figures.

I have to laugh because it seems like I have no problems talking about my butt, injections, boobs, whatever. I have no shame anymore talking about this stuff, I just put it out there. It just cracks me up.

I was just joking about the ass cancer, by the way! :) That's for my mom, so she doesn't worry and call me all upset!

Speaking of mom, we are going over there for Easter. Spend some quality family time with...the family! La Famiglia!

Happy Easter everyone! Write to you soon!

E

Lupron

Got my first injection of Lupron on Friday night. It is to be given intramuscularly...in other words, I got a shot in the ass. And man, that spot on my ass hurt for 3 days after. I have attached a picture of the lovely injection that I will be getting every month. The picture just doesn't do it justice.


The needle itself is about 2.5" long. I'm REALLY beginning to hate needles.

I don't feel anything different. The doctor said that I might feel an increase of bone/joint pain, which is good. I haven't felt that yet. I hope it's working. I get so damn paranoid about these things. If he says that most people feel this, I expect to feel it, and if I don't, I worry that it's not working. It's really hard being me. [Sigh]

I've been following the story on the (former) New York Govenor Eliot Spitzer. The reports say that he didn't wear condoms. Umm, I have to comment on this, I can't let this go by without saying something! She's a prostitute...a WHORE (I just like saying that!)...you are not the first guy...you don't know where she's been...why the HELL wouldn't you wear a condom? You might as well stick your piece into the mouth of a komodo dragon. Except for the teeth, it's pretty much the same!! OMG! Nasty! LOL, I crack myself up!

Are any of you on Facebook? If so, I have a page, feel free to add me as a friend! Here's the website: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=680345138

Well, that's it from crazyville.

Happy St. Patty's Day! Today, everyone's Irish! I'm wearing my green, are you?

Snakes...why did it have to be snakes?

I don't know if you all know, but Thom and I have had a pet snake for about 15, maybe 16 years. Well, our pet snake passed over the weekend. Don't know why. Maybe not the most affectionate pet in the world, but she would come up to our face when we held her and flick her tongue as if to say, "Hello there!" When I had longer hair and could put it up in a ponytail, I would wrap her around it and go along doing what it was I had to do, and she was more than content to be there.

I'm sad, it's hard to have something for so long and then...not. But she was a very docile, sweet snake and she will be missed.

Bye Bye Phee.

One Mile

So we joined Bally's gym yesterday. I walked one mile yesterday, that's 9 times around the track. One mile is better than nothing. Feel good today. Last time we went for a free day pass, I did some stretching, and the next day I didn't feel so good, my hips were killing me. This time I decided not to stretch, and I seem to be doing better. Go figure. Guess it's sinking into my thick skull that exercise is good for me. <--Did I just say that?? What's the world coming to??

Congratulations to my friends Michele and Matt, they just had a baby, his name is Liam. Michele and Matt, if you're reading this: We Miss You!!

Happy Leap Year!

Today is not a good day

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me (besides the obvious!). Today I am feeling very edgy and generally pissed off and I'm not sure why. I feel like I could cry at any moment. As a matter of fact, I've already cried today. I do not want to be at work today, I'm tired, I hurt, I'm sad, I'm angry. I just want to go home.

Thom wants to start working out. Those who know me know that I hate exercising. I know it's good for me and all that jazz, but I find it extremely boring. I need it, but I still hate it. We went to check out Balley's last night. Didn't like the place. The manager seemed slick, like he should be wearing a velvet jumpsuit and lots of gold chains. Yuck. The girl that showed us around was trying to pressure sell. I cannot stand that shit. Don't pressure me. You pressure me, I dig in my heels and do exactly the opposite. But Thom wants to work out. We got a 1-day pass and tonight's the night we said we'd go in to try it. I'm just going to walk around the track with my MP3 and my music. I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want someone to "work me out". Just leave me the fuck alone. Wow, I am a gem today.

There's not much I can do at a gym anyways, my hips and knees are always bothering me. So the place has to have a pool if I'm even to join. Doing laps gives me enough of a cardio workout and doesn't put any pressure on my joints. You're probably saying, "Em, if you go to a gym, lose some weight, that'll take the pressure off your joints." Great. I just don't have the energy. I don't have the energy to fight cancer, fight panic attacks, work out, do housework, work. I'm tired, man. This is not me giving up, I'm just tired and I don't have much energy after a day's work (if I even get any work done) to go to a gym and work out for an hour, get home around 8pm, eat, and then go to bed at 9pm (because I can't last much longer than that), get up, and do it all over again. I hate getting home later than 7pm because I don't feel like I have any time to chill before I go to bed. I get very cranky when we do things after work a lot of the nights during the week.

Poor Thom. I feel, because of me, he can't do a lot of things either. I think that's what bothers me most. I'm more than happy to just go home everynight, I'm a homebody, always was. And that's just A-OK with me. But I feel like I'm keeping him down somehow. It's my choice, but is it his? I feel like I'm trapping him. It's a sucky feeling. And I'm having a hard time dealing with it too. What can I do? I feel like such a burden to people. If Thom wants to go anywhere, he has to make sure that I'm with someone, like a fucking babysitter, is what I feel like. I have good friends, but when will they get sick of it too? They have their own lives, they don't have time to babysit me. So many sacrifices made for me. I'm very grateful, but it's unfair to them.

Gee, I had a lot to say. Thanks for listening...errr...reading.

Pain in the...

Hips. Been having some joint pain...of course last night while I'm trying to sleep! Slept like crap, feel like crap, and probably look like crap too! Advil's not doing it's job. It seems like everything bothers me more at night while I'm trying to sleep. I read somewhere that your pain threshold decreases at night. I think something about hormones. Hormones make the world go round. It's going to be a long day. I have a meeting later in the afternoon, my worst time, I get so sleepy. I hope I don't nod off during the meeting, that's so embarrasing.

Thom and I took yesterday off, just to have a day off where we're not going to the doctor's. I stayed in my PJs all day! It was very relaxing.

Went to the movies and saw "Jumper". It was good. The ending was weak, but the premise is awesome! That's my dream, to be able to just "jump" anywhere in the world.

That's all that's been going on here. Sorry to be a wet blanket.

News

Well, I finally heard from the Dana-Farber doctor. He finally read my CT scans. The lung nodules have remained the same, but unfortunately, there has been some progression in the bone (I didn't ask how much).

He mentioned again that the nodules in my lungs may not be breast cancer, since it's advanced in my bone, but not in the lung. But it's also not unusual.

Anyways, he didn't sound all doom and gloom, and he said that we have a lot of hormone options available. The next step is a hormone called Lupron. It's an injection I get once a month and I can get that done at the same time as the Zometa infusion. That's a blessing at least.

He also told me to stop getting any scans done in Worcester and having them sent to him. He said that it's getting very confusing, and frustrating because he doesn't have all my films all in one place. I can still get the infusion and injection in Worcester, but for any scans, I am to go to Dana-Farber. That's fair.

The Lupron will cease my periods and give me some nasty hot flashes. He told me to let him know if they get bad and interfere with my sleep, he can give me something to counteract that.

And the reason why the doctor in Worcester didn't mention anything about the progression in the bone is because he doesn't have the original bone scan to compare.

I think I'm doing ok. I didn't break down upon hearing the news, which is usually the scenario. That doesn't mean it won't hit me later.
Update: it hit me later

Please continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate it.

Much love,

E

New Addition

My sister, Lizz, just had a baby girl! Brianna Elizabeth was born today at 10:15am, weighing 6 lbs. 13 oz. Both mommy and baby are doing well. I'm an aunt (Auntie Em, Auntie Em) as well as a godmother.

I get to live vicariously through her.

Update

Hi all,

Had my Zometa infusion today. No steroids this time, so we'll see if I get a fever. The steroids were making me too edgy and unable to sleep for a couple of days, so I didn't want it.

Still waiting to hear from Dr. Silver at Dana-Farber, but the doctor that gives me the infusions told me that the CT scans show no change. He has a call in to Dana-Farber also.

Cancer markers in my blood have been another way to judge how the Tamoxiphen's been working. I get those checked once a month. It seems that over the past 5 months or so, they have been creeping up slowly. These values fluctuate, so it's not uncommon for them to change each month, or even from day to day. And they haven't increased dramatically, so it may be that I'm building up a tolerance to the Tamoxiphen. This was expected. The next step would be for me to go on another hormone therapy, this one's called Lupron (you may have seen the commercials for it). This will put me into menopause and my estrogen levels will drop dramatically, and quickly. It's an injection, once a month or once every 3 months, not sure. It will supress my periods (PLUS!), but I will get hot flashes (YUCK!). In conjunction with the Lupron, I will stay on the Tamoxiphen and see if that can't supress things. I don't have a lot of details yet because we are waiting for Dana-Farber to chime in. The doctor in Worcester won't do anything until he talks to Dr. Silver at DF. So nothing is going to happen until then.

I'll keep you posted on the happenings.

I was kind of bummed out this morning, just waiting in the waiting room, looking around at all the old people, and here I am. I don't know.

18-1

Maybe Bob Kraft should trademark that: 18-1, or as Thom said, "Not enough"; how about Losers? That perfect season was all in vain. That game SUCKED NY GIANTS BALLS! Did the offensive line forget how to protect Brady?? That boy went down more than a whore. I'm pissed off, they could've made history, but today, people are happy that New England lost. Now we have to hear about the 2 Manning brothers having rings, bla bla bla. Bitter much?! Yes, I am!! Bitter, table for one.

I know what did it...Belichick didn't wear his normal grey hoodie with the cut-off sleeves. Or maybe he washed his underwear. Something jinxed them! They had that game, they only had to stop the Giants 2 more times. @#$!%^# I've never gotten so upset over a game, I'm always telling Thom, "It's just a game, Focker!" But @#!$# it, why did the ONE game they lose have to be the biggest game of the season? But they deserved to lose that game, they played like crap.

Ok, I'm done.

I haven't heard anything about my scans yet. I have a call in to the doctor to ask him what the F is up! I'll let you guys know when I hear something. I love the sense of urgency they show. Damn them.