First day of the new chemo regime: Navelbine. It's a bolus injection that takes about 10 minutes to inject, but to prevent a flare up in my upper arm (I'm told hurts), I will get injected with saline for about 45 minutes. Luckily, I got my usual nurse Jade in here for the first time, so the nervousness is decreased because I trust her. If this hurts a lot, we'll be considering a port.
The new setup at the Yawkey center is nice. The chairs have heat and massage, flat screen TVs, and floor to ceiling windows, giving this place a much brighter feel to it. I like this new setup.
I had dinner plans with my high school gals, but we needed to reschedule due to Christine having the norovirus, and she didn't want to give it to me. So we rescheduled for the spring when everyone will hopefully be healthier. I'm touched she was thinking of me. Not many people would. And I really don't need any more sickness, thank you.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
48 hours
It's been 48 hours since the surgery, so I was able to remove the bandages. Steri-strips are all that cover the 2 small incisions. There's been a dull soreness, but no pain.
The thing that is concerning me is that I now have a fever (101.6). I've had a low grade fever since I got home. Thom said it was too fast for an infection, and the site looks fine. Is it one of those mysterious fevers again? No one can figure out the cause, and it's very frustrating. It puts my already compromised immune system under more stress. How can my body fully fight this disease if all this other shit keeps making it weaker? It scares me.
I've only been able to stand or sit upright for a short period of time before I start getting nauseous. I'm lucky that I'm working from home tomorrow. Gives me one more day to rest.
Meeting Jenn and Stacy at the McDonald's in Spencer for lunch. I'm so glad they're coming out this way.
I opened the windows in the bedroom to get some fresh air in, boy did it smell great! I can't wait for winter to leave. This has been the longest year of my life.
Do you think the fungus on my left toe is contributing to the fevers? I'm trying to think of things. Do I have a tooth infection that's just brimming? WHAT IS CAUSING THESE FEVERS?!?!
The thing that is concerning me is that I now have a fever (101.6). I've had a low grade fever since I got home. Thom said it was too fast for an infection, and the site looks fine. Is it one of those mysterious fevers again? No one can figure out the cause, and it's very frustrating. It puts my already compromised immune system under more stress. How can my body fully fight this disease if all this other shit keeps making it weaker? It scares me.
I've only been able to stand or sit upright for a short period of time before I start getting nauseous. I'm lucky that I'm working from home tomorrow. Gives me one more day to rest.
Meeting Jenn and Stacy at the McDonald's in Spencer for lunch. I'm so glad they're coming out this way.
I opened the windows in the bedroom to get some fresh air in, boy did it smell great! I can't wait for winter to leave. This has been the longest year of my life.
Do you think the fungus on my left toe is contributing to the fevers? I'm trying to think of things. Do I have a tooth infection that's just brimming? WHAT IS CAUSING THESE FEVERS?!?!
Friday, March 4, 2011
D-Day
Today is surgery day. We have to be at the Brigham by 6am. ?!?! The surgery takes about 1.5 hours, recovery about 45 minutes. Chemo is scheduled at 10am. They are going to put the port into the subclavian vein, between my collar bone and my breast. They are only going to sedate me so that they can still talk to me. Wonder what I'll say! Get the recorder ready! Youtube alert! I can expect to be sore of course. And I'm a little bit nervous, but I'm in good, capable hands.
I'm still a bit skeeved out by the whole thing, but this better for me in the long run. Shudder.
Heard from Lizz that they will be unable to fly here in June because airline tickets have skyrocketed. They can't afford it. I was so looking forward to seeing them again. Of course my mom's flying there for a week. I can't go because I am going to Texas in May for Jim & Michelle's wedding. I can't take another week off. I'm bumming. Logan has changed so much since I last saw him, and Brianna is turning into such a beautiful girl, not that she wasn't always beautiful.
Last night I went out shopping with Libby and then we met Bri and Melissa for dinner at Plaza Azteca, my new favorite Mexican restaurant. We had a great time! There was a live Mariachi band, and I told them it was my birthday. They serenaded me with both the English and Spanish version of "Happy Birthday", plus a couple of other songs. I loved it! Always wanted to hear a Mariachi band! It was pretty cool! Melissa tipped them because the rest of us didn't have any cash.
AND I pulled yet another muscle or struck a nerve because somehow, I tweaked my back and it's killing me. It hurt to even lift my glass. Thom asked me what I did, and I told him that I, um, walked. WTF?! It's just one thing after another after another. I keep saying I have some bad juju going on, because so far, this year has been riddled with sickness, a fractured rib, infections, sciatica and pulled muscles. It's bordering on the insane and unbelievable. When can I catch a break? I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. But I must push forward.
I'm still a bit skeeved out by the whole thing, but this better for me in the long run. Shudder.
Heard from Lizz that they will be unable to fly here in June because airline tickets have skyrocketed. They can't afford it. I was so looking forward to seeing them again. Of course my mom's flying there for a week. I can't go because I am going to Texas in May for Jim & Michelle's wedding. I can't take another week off. I'm bumming. Logan has changed so much since I last saw him, and Brianna is turning into such a beautiful girl, not that she wasn't always beautiful.
Last night I went out shopping with Libby and then we met Bri and Melissa for dinner at Plaza Azteca, my new favorite Mexican restaurant. We had a great time! There was a live Mariachi band, and I told them it was my birthday. They serenaded me with both the English and Spanish version of "Happy Birthday", plus a couple of other songs. I loved it! Always wanted to hear a Mariachi band! It was pretty cool! Melissa tipped them because the rest of us didn't have any cash.
AND I pulled yet another muscle or struck a nerve because somehow, I tweaked my back and it's killing me. It hurt to even lift my glass. Thom asked me what I did, and I told him that I, um, walked. WTF?! It's just one thing after another after another. I keep saying I have some bad juju going on, because so far, this year has been riddled with sickness, a fractured rib, infections, sciatica and pulled muscles. It's bordering on the insane and unbelievable. When can I catch a break? I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. But I must push forward.
D-Day cont.
Had to be at the Brigham by 6 am, but of course, we got behind some slow ass bitch getting to the pike. Really?! It's 5 in the morning, you must have to be somewhere, so speed the fuck up!! We were a half hour late. But it was ok. Got my blood work done and brought to pre- op. My nurse, Laurel, has the same birthday as me! We're both fools! They explained the whole procedure and I even got to see and feel the "super port" as they call it!
This is my first step to becoming bionic!! LOL
Once in the OR, I got moved to their table and it felt like a temperpedic, it conformed to me. Nice warm blankets and I was very comfortable. Then I got my cocktail of "twilight" drugs to put me into a semi-conscious state. I liked that! It looked like the lights on the ceiling were moving. Ahhh...so relaxed. Don't remember a thing! But the procedure went perfect, with no problems. This is going to make things so much easier for me, much less painful.
Went to recovery for about 45 min or so, and my nurse Bill was awesome!
Now it was chemo time. Saw LaTasha after so long, it was great to see her, that girl just cracks me up! Always brings a smile to my face! Love her! I had my bestest nurse, Jade. Chemo went flawlessly and most important, pain free! My left arm STILL hurts from last week's chemo.
Pain meds started to wear off and that's when I started to feel a little soreness and a lot of tenderness. I felt like I got a piece of furniture slammed into my clavicle area. Ouchie. Bandages need to stay on for 48 hours. Can't get it wet. It's such a great thing I don't have to work on Monday in the office, gives me another day to chill. I brought some easy work home. Thank you to my boss for being the most awesomeness boss I've ever had.
We got home a little bit past 6pm, more than thirteen hours later. It's been a LOOOONG day. I'm in bed and I took some pain killers and now I'm getting drowsy. The pain has ebbed so that's a blessing.
And Thom, you are amazing! I love you so much and you take care of me so well. You're thoughtful and considerate and it means the world to me! Muah!
This is my first step to becoming bionic!! LOL
Once in the OR, I got moved to their table and it felt like a temperpedic, it conformed to me. Nice warm blankets and I was very comfortable. Then I got my cocktail of "twilight" drugs to put me into a semi-conscious state. I liked that! It looked like the lights on the ceiling were moving. Ahhh...so relaxed. Don't remember a thing! But the procedure went perfect, with no problems. This is going to make things so much easier for me, much less painful.
Went to recovery for about 45 min or so, and my nurse Bill was awesome!
Now it was chemo time. Saw LaTasha after so long, it was great to see her, that girl just cracks me up! Always brings a smile to my face! Love her! I had my bestest nurse, Jade. Chemo went flawlessly and most important, pain free! My left arm STILL hurts from last week's chemo.
Pain meds started to wear off and that's when I started to feel a little soreness and a lot of tenderness. I felt like I got a piece of furniture slammed into my clavicle area. Ouchie. Bandages need to stay on for 48 hours. Can't get it wet. It's such a great thing I don't have to work on Monday in the office, gives me another day to chill. I brought some easy work home. Thank you to my boss for being the most awesomeness boss I've ever had.
We got home a little bit past 6pm, more than thirteen hours later. It's been a LOOOONG day. I'm in bed and I took some pain killers and now I'm getting drowsy. The pain has ebbed so that's a blessing.
And Thom, you are amazing! I love you so much and you take care of me so well. You're thoughtful and considerate and it means the world to me! Muah!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Chemo went better than I thought. Jade put the IV in my hand. It did burn my upper arm around the elbow, but not as bad as I feared. We discussed me getting a port again, and she brought over a woman, Barbara, who has a port, to answer my questions. I thought the port would have lines coming out of it, but there are no lines. It's right under the skin and they only access it when they need to. That made my decision right there. I thought there would be tubes. I'm calling Dr. Silver tomorrow to plan the surgery. It hurts the most when I get IVS put in. Jade told me that my veins have recovered, but that they are pretty scarred up. No wonder it hurts!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
First day of the new chemo regime: Navelbine. It's a bolus injection that takes about 10 minutes to inject, but to prevent a flare up in my upper arm (I'm told hurts), I will get injected with saline for about 45 minutes. Luckily, I got my usual nurse Jade in here for the first time, so the nervousness is decreased because I trust her. If this hurts a lot, we'll be considering a port.
The new setup at the Yawkey center is nice. The chairs have heat and massage, flat screen TVs, and floor to ceiling windows, giving this place a much brighter feel to it. I like this new setup.
I had dinner plans with my high school gals, but we needed to reschedule due to Christine having the norovirus, and she didn't want to give it to me. So we rescheduled for the spring when everyone will hopefully be healthier. I'm touched she was thinking of me. Not many people would. And I really don't need any more sickness, thank you.
The new setup at the Yawkey center is nice. The chairs have heat and massage, flat screen TVs, and floor to ceiling windows, giving this place a much brighter feel to it. I like this new setup.
I had dinner plans with my high school gals, but we needed to reschedule due to Christine having the norovirus, and she didn't want to give it to me. So we rescheduled for the spring when everyone will hopefully be healthier. I'm touched she was thinking of me. Not many people would. And I really don't need any more sickness, thank you.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Snap...crackle...pop
Hello!
Have you all been enjoying the winter?? I know I haven't! Like I said in my last post, I've been sick with something since after radiation, I guess it just wiped out my immune system. An update on that: The sciatica is gone, thank God, the sinus infection has cleared up, I've relatively stopped coughing, only a few here and there.
Went to see the oncologist yesterday. I wouldn't say it's good news, but it's not terrible news I guess. My cancer markers have been slowly creeping up. They went down right after radiation, but they've been increasing none the less. He decided to stop the Xeloda, the chemo in pill form. I've been on that for about 5 months, give or take. That's disappointing because that's another treatment that's now crossed off the list. But it's also a relief to me because I wasn't sure if it was working, and it was stressing me out to take pills after I ate, or 30 minutes after I ate. Sometimes I would forget until 1 hour or 2 after I ate. I prefer a scheduled, for sure it's working, chemo. I hate depending on myself.
So the new plan is to start a new IV chemo, Navelbine, on Feb. 26th. We are going to do the chemo on Saturdays like before so it doesn't totally screw our working schedules up. Navelbine is pretty well tolerated, my hair shouldn't fall out (any more than it already has!), no real threat of nausea or vomiting, so that's good. The thing with Navelbine (there's always something though) is that if you have it given through your arm veins, it burns a lot. We discussed getting a port surgically implanted. The thought of that makes my queasy, so I compromised with him. I'll try the first treatment through and IV and see how I tolerate it. If it hurts too much, we are going to get a port implanted. I get knocked out for this and they put the port into the subclavian vein (above the collar bone). There are benefits to it, I guess. They don't have to poke me every time. I am just not sure how I'll feel about it. I'll be able to see it and feel it right below the skin. I don't know. We'll see how it goes.
Got an MRI of my head again. I got to see the images this time, so there's proof that I have a brain! I saw the spots that we are targeting. They are like light gray spots. We counted about 5 or 6. They are still there, and I was worried that the radiation didn't help, but he said not necessarily. The spots can be dead, but they will still remain there, it just doesn't disappear. So I'm hoping that they are dead. My numbness in my chin had gone away after radiation, but a few days ago, I've noticed that an area on my lower lip got numb again. The radiation oncologist told me that the numbness might not go away. I was just bummed because it had gone away, but then came back. They don't seem that concerned about it.
I think I mentioned that I have been having severe pain (9-10 out of 10) in my back, right side. Sitting and standing make it worse as does coughing. The only relief I get is when I am horizontal! Had to go to the ER last Monday because it was so bad and I thought it was kidney stones. There were kidney stones floating around, but nothing to be causing this pain. They concluded it was a pulled muscle. I didn't believe them. I've had pulled muscles and it never hurt this bad. So I told my oncologist yesterday and he determined it was a fractured rib. He said that that particular site on my rib has more disease on it, so it makes it very fragile and easy to break. I know I coughed and I heard a pop, so it makes sense. There's not much you can do for a broken rib except wait until it heals. I have vicodin, but I can only take that when I'm home. The worst pain is when I'm at work. Great.
On the way home from my parent's, it started to thunder and lightening. We decided to stop at the dock near the lake and watch the lightening display. Wow, it was amazing. Saw some pretty awesome strikes, lit up the whole sky to daytime. Now it's incredibly windy. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto!
I decided that I must have some bad juju hanging around me. My brother-in-law asked me how much bad luck can one person have? Well, I was never one to have GOOD luck, so I'm not really surprised. I can say that I am LUCKY in many ways. But I do have a lot of not so good luck. Maybe if I spin counter clockwise while eating a carrot and singing "Sweet Home Alabama", I might get rid of it? LOL
If anyone has any ideas, let me know. Your opinions are always welcome.
I do have to say that this bout of pain and sickness scared the hell out of me. I try my damnedest to not think about anything but today, but it made me terrified of what MAY come. That's all I'm really going to say about that. LOL, I sounded like Forrest Gump!
Dana Farber has opened up a new building, connected to the old building, called the Yawkey Center. It's been open for 3 weeks, and they still have a lot of kinks to work out! We were shuffled to all the wrong places, then reshuffled. The place is huge. There are things that I don't like about it. For instance, Laboratory Services used to be small, personable, and only Breast Cancer patients. Now they grouped all types of cancer, and it's a large room, lots more people, longer waiting and very cold and impersonal. I feel like cattle being herded. They say it's more efficient, but look at what you lost! I have 2 favorite phlebotomists that I only use. Now, I hardly saw them. I used to be able to see them and talk to them. That's what I love about Dana Farber. They are not "institutional", they focused on individual patients. And the waiting rooms to see the doctors? They are huge! They have to yell across the room to call your name. I feel like such a small fish. And the ironic thing?? It was designed by a patient committee!!!! Really!? What kind of patients did they use?! All in the name of saving money and making things "efficient". Yeah, how'd that work for ya?! I plan on complaining to someone, via email or phone call.
I'm going to leave on a good note! I visited my parents and they made me homemade tiramisu!! Love that stuff. Mmm.
Till next time! Hopefully I will have happier news!
Have you all been enjoying the winter?? I know I haven't! Like I said in my last post, I've been sick with something since after radiation, I guess it just wiped out my immune system. An update on that: The sciatica is gone, thank God, the sinus infection has cleared up, I've relatively stopped coughing, only a few here and there.
Went to see the oncologist yesterday. I wouldn't say it's good news, but it's not terrible news I guess. My cancer markers have been slowly creeping up. They went down right after radiation, but they've been increasing none the less. He decided to stop the Xeloda, the chemo in pill form. I've been on that for about 5 months, give or take. That's disappointing because that's another treatment that's now crossed off the list. But it's also a relief to me because I wasn't sure if it was working, and it was stressing me out to take pills after I ate, or 30 minutes after I ate. Sometimes I would forget until 1 hour or 2 after I ate. I prefer a scheduled, for sure it's working, chemo. I hate depending on myself.
So the new plan is to start a new IV chemo, Navelbine, on Feb. 26th. We are going to do the chemo on Saturdays like before so it doesn't totally screw our working schedules up. Navelbine is pretty well tolerated, my hair shouldn't fall out (any more than it already has!), no real threat of nausea or vomiting, so that's good. The thing with Navelbine (there's always something though) is that if you have it given through your arm veins, it burns a lot. We discussed getting a port surgically implanted. The thought of that makes my queasy, so I compromised with him. I'll try the first treatment through and IV and see how I tolerate it. If it hurts too much, we are going to get a port implanted. I get knocked out for this and they put the port into the subclavian vein (above the collar bone). There are benefits to it, I guess. They don't have to poke me every time. I am just not sure how I'll feel about it. I'll be able to see it and feel it right below the skin. I don't know. We'll see how it goes.
Got an MRI of my head again. I got to see the images this time, so there's proof that I have a brain! I saw the spots that we are targeting. They are like light gray spots. We counted about 5 or 6. They are still there, and I was worried that the radiation didn't help, but he said not necessarily. The spots can be dead, but they will still remain there, it just doesn't disappear. So I'm hoping that they are dead. My numbness in my chin had gone away after radiation, but a few days ago, I've noticed that an area on my lower lip got numb again. The radiation oncologist told me that the numbness might not go away. I was just bummed because it had gone away, but then came back. They don't seem that concerned about it.
I think I mentioned that I have been having severe pain (9-10 out of 10) in my back, right side. Sitting and standing make it worse as does coughing. The only relief I get is when I am horizontal! Had to go to the ER last Monday because it was so bad and I thought it was kidney stones. There were kidney stones floating around, but nothing to be causing this pain. They concluded it was a pulled muscle. I didn't believe them. I've had pulled muscles and it never hurt this bad. So I told my oncologist yesterday and he determined it was a fractured rib. He said that that particular site on my rib has more disease on it, so it makes it very fragile and easy to break. I know I coughed and I heard a pop, so it makes sense. There's not much you can do for a broken rib except wait until it heals. I have vicodin, but I can only take that when I'm home. The worst pain is when I'm at work. Great.
On the way home from my parent's, it started to thunder and lightening. We decided to stop at the dock near the lake and watch the lightening display. Wow, it was amazing. Saw some pretty awesome strikes, lit up the whole sky to daytime. Now it's incredibly windy. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto!
I decided that I must have some bad juju hanging around me. My brother-in-law asked me how much bad luck can one person have? Well, I was never one to have GOOD luck, so I'm not really surprised. I can say that I am LUCKY in many ways. But I do have a lot of not so good luck. Maybe if I spin counter clockwise while eating a carrot and singing "Sweet Home Alabama", I might get rid of it? LOL
If anyone has any ideas, let me know. Your opinions are always welcome.
I do have to say that this bout of pain and sickness scared the hell out of me. I try my damnedest to not think about anything but today, but it made me terrified of what MAY come. That's all I'm really going to say about that. LOL, I sounded like Forrest Gump!
Dana Farber has opened up a new building, connected to the old building, called the Yawkey Center. It's been open for 3 weeks, and they still have a lot of kinks to work out! We were shuffled to all the wrong places, then reshuffled. The place is huge. There are things that I don't like about it. For instance, Laboratory Services used to be small, personable, and only Breast Cancer patients. Now they grouped all types of cancer, and it's a large room, lots more people, longer waiting and very cold and impersonal. I feel like cattle being herded. They say it's more efficient, but look at what you lost! I have 2 favorite phlebotomists that I only use. Now, I hardly saw them. I used to be able to see them and talk to them. That's what I love about Dana Farber. They are not "institutional", they focused on individual patients. And the waiting rooms to see the doctors? They are huge! They have to yell across the room to call your name. I feel like such a small fish. And the ironic thing?? It was designed by a patient committee!!!! Really!? What kind of patients did they use?! All in the name of saving money and making things "efficient". Yeah, how'd that work for ya?! I plan on complaining to someone, via email or phone call.
I'm going to leave on a good note! I visited my parents and they made me homemade tiramisu!! Love that stuff. Mmm.
Till next time! Hopefully I will have happier news!
Monday, February 7, 2011
2011 So far...
With the exception of the first 2 weeks of January, this year hasn't gotten off to a great start for me. I felt fine during radiation, but once it was over, everything hit me at once. My hair fell out very quickly, so I had Thom shave my head. Then sciatica came along, and that hurts. Then I pull a muscle in my shoulder from coughing. Then I get a sinus infection. Now I have a pain in my back, I'm actually not sure if it's kidney related or if I pulled more muscles coughing. Doctor put me on a course of antibiotics, but it did not clear up the infection. So now I'm on round two of antibiotics.
To say I'm exhausted is an understatement. It's a bit depressing. Trying to take one day at a time. This has been a test of my strength. Not feeling very strong right now.
I also wore my wig for the first time at work today. I was surprised at how self-conscious and ridiculous I felt. I didn't make it through the day with it on. I feel much better wearing my hats and scarves. I felt like an impostor and I really felt I looked like a clown. People were nice and told me I look good, but I didn't feel good, and that's the only opinion I went with.
Sorry if this sounds like a pity party, oh woe is me. This is what's been going on.
I'm back on the pill chemo and I see the doctor on Feb. 18th.
I wish I had something more exciting to write about. Oh! I finally took down my Christmas decorations! LOL
To say I'm exhausted is an understatement. It's a bit depressing. Trying to take one day at a time. This has been a test of my strength. Not feeling very strong right now.
I also wore my wig for the first time at work today. I was surprised at how self-conscious and ridiculous I felt. I didn't make it through the day with it on. I feel much better wearing my hats and scarves. I felt like an impostor and I really felt I looked like a clown. People were nice and told me I look good, but I didn't feel good, and that's the only opinion I went with.
Sorry if this sounds like a pity party, oh woe is me. This is what's been going on.
I'm back on the pill chemo and I see the doctor on Feb. 18th.
I wish I had something more exciting to write about. Oh! I finally took down my Christmas decorations! LOL
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
A pain in the ass, literally!
Ok, so now radiation is done, I'm off chemo for a couple of weeks, you think things would calm down, right? Wrong.
I guess the cumulative effects have hit me...all at once. My hair decided to fall out in like 1 day, it was so not nice, so Thom offered to shave my head. After the hair was mostly gone, it was apparent that I had a reverse mohawk! It was bald in the middle, with some occasional patches elsewhere. The hair is very prickly, so it stabs my head while I'm trying to lay down to sleep. Ah, sleep, the ever elusive state. I'm exhausted, but I can't sleep.
It's impossible to hide that fact that I have cancer now. With all my hair gone, it's totally obvious something's going on. I have had to tell other people at work the story because I get double takes. They don't SAY anything, but you know what they're thinking. They are just not sure if they should ask. I understand, I mean, what do you say? "Hey Em, how are you? Say, what's up with the hair?" But I found that the more silent people are, the more weirded out I get. Strangers in the cafeteria look over at me, and smile. Never happened before. I just blended in with the crowd. Happy Emily. But now? I feel I have a spotlight on me and everyone is looking. It's probably just me, but that's how I feel. Most people are too self absorbed to even notice anyone besides themselves. I told some people I decided to shave my head ala Britney Spears, and they just laugh. But I have an eye patch, and I'm going to wear it tomorrow, ala Pirate. A workmate has a fake raven on her desk and I will borrow that and put it on my shoulder. I will even talk to it throughout the day. It's not a parrot, but who cares? It's Pirates ala Edgar Allen Poe! Bet he never wrote anything about that! I'm going to have fun with this, why not?!
I had begun to have some hip pain, so the doctor did some Xrays. It looked ok, no weakening in the joint or bone, but he noticed I had a bone cyst. I have to look that up because I don't know how you can get a cyst on your bone? That seems to be putting some pressure on my L5 vertabrae, which is now causing sciatic pain. If you're never experienced sciatica (consider yourself lucky), you get a shooting pain in your butt, down to your knee. You are not comfortable sitting, laying down is no fun either, and it hurts to walk. So standing in one spot is ok, until you get tired. So now, when I try to sleep, I get shooting pains. Oh, and to make it all better, when I lay down, I cough, a lot. So I pulled a musce in my right shoulder. When it rains it pours. The pain is constant, the only slight relief is Tylenol. There's really no real "cure" for it, just have to ride it out. I got suggestions, like heat, which helps a little. If I start to get radiating back pain, the doctor said it will be time to image it with an MRI. I really should be glowing right now with all the radiation I have been exposed to. Maybe I can make a superhero out of that, kind of like Rudolph, although he wasn't a superhero, he had a purpose. The power to glow, some superpower! LOL
Ok, I'm done complaining about my pain.
Now on to complaining about other things! I've had just about enough of the snow. The snow, bitter cold, and more snow. It's really sucking wind. It's supposed to snow again tomorrow night. I equate it to getting stuck at every red light, you get into a rhythm, and you hit every single red light. We're in a snow rhythm. We need to get out of it...someone blow a red light please! :) Just kidding!
I think people are panicking in the snow now. The snow wasn't even that bad today (compared to the storms last Tuesday and Friday), but traffic was just as bad, if not worse, than those days. I don't understand. You have extremes: people who think they're indestructible and don't give a shit about the other people on the road, and do 80 mph; then there are the insanely cautious, they go 20 mph on the highway. I understand that they don't want to get into an accident, but sometimes, being like that, causes them. It's New England. It sucks, we get snow. Get used to it. Don't drive like an idiot, be smart. I plan on staying home Thursday if it's really bad. One less car on the road. And for those assholes who drive like maniacs, what job is SO important that you need to speed to get there? Unless you're a doctor and there's an emergency, ok, but I doubt there are that many doctors on the road. And if your boss expects you to be there no matter what, reconsider your chosen place of employment. Nothing is worth risking your life (AND the lives of others) to drive like a shithead. Unless it's an emergency. There's always an exception. But again, I doubt there are that many emergencies on the road. It took Thom about 3 hours to get to work this morning. That's insane! He could've been in Maine by then and probably having more fun.
OK, off my soapbox. Wow, lots of complaining today! I must be cranky! :)
Let's see, good news? My nephew Logan is growing so much! He already looks so different! I should see them in the spring or summer, not quite sure when yet.
Thom has been spectacular through all of this. He drove me to radiation every day without a complaint, even though it was out of his way to drive me back to work afterwards, and then drive back to the Boston area. He's been taking good care of me and I thank God everyday for him. I love you so much.
The upstairs bathroom is completed now! We just need to get a cabinet or something to store the towels etc. in because we lost the closet. But I love it! Much brighter! More decorating for me! Yay!
I think that's about it. My New Year's resolution is to update this blog more often! I just didn't want it to be a pressure thing, you know? I write when the mood strikes me. But so much happens that I don't write about, and I want to change that. I feel connected to you all via this, so it's also good for me.
Thank you John D for your offer of assistance! I may call on you sometime. It's much appreciated.
Oh, I forgot to mention: I received a box in the mail last week, and it was a brand new pair of shoes that I looked at in Dallas. My wonderful future sister-in-law got them for me! She has been showering me with gifts. It's actually very nice and sweet! Thank you Michelle!! They are sexy!! :)
All right folks, Thom just got home, so it's time for me to go. Thanks again for sticking by me on this blog.
Peace out!
I guess the cumulative effects have hit me...all at once. My hair decided to fall out in like 1 day, it was so not nice, so Thom offered to shave my head. After the hair was mostly gone, it was apparent that I had a reverse mohawk! It was bald in the middle, with some occasional patches elsewhere. The hair is very prickly, so it stabs my head while I'm trying to lay down to sleep. Ah, sleep, the ever elusive state. I'm exhausted, but I can't sleep.
It's impossible to hide that fact that I have cancer now. With all my hair gone, it's totally obvious something's going on. I have had to tell other people at work the story because I get double takes. They don't SAY anything, but you know what they're thinking. They are just not sure if they should ask. I understand, I mean, what do you say? "Hey Em, how are you? Say, what's up with the hair?" But I found that the more silent people are, the more weirded out I get. Strangers in the cafeteria look over at me, and smile. Never happened before. I just blended in with the crowd. Happy Emily. But now? I feel I have a spotlight on me and everyone is looking. It's probably just me, but that's how I feel. Most people are too self absorbed to even notice anyone besides themselves. I told some people I decided to shave my head ala Britney Spears, and they just laugh. But I have an eye patch, and I'm going to wear it tomorrow, ala Pirate. A workmate has a fake raven on her desk and I will borrow that and put it on my shoulder. I will even talk to it throughout the day. It's not a parrot, but who cares? It's Pirates ala Edgar Allen Poe! Bet he never wrote anything about that! I'm going to have fun with this, why not?!
I had begun to have some hip pain, so the doctor did some Xrays. It looked ok, no weakening in the joint or bone, but he noticed I had a bone cyst. I have to look that up because I don't know how you can get a cyst on your bone? That seems to be putting some pressure on my L5 vertabrae, which is now causing sciatic pain. If you're never experienced sciatica (consider yourself lucky), you get a shooting pain in your butt, down to your knee. You are not comfortable sitting, laying down is no fun either, and it hurts to walk. So standing in one spot is ok, until you get tired. So now, when I try to sleep, I get shooting pains. Oh, and to make it all better, when I lay down, I cough, a lot. So I pulled a musce in my right shoulder. When it rains it pours. The pain is constant, the only slight relief is Tylenol. There's really no real "cure" for it, just have to ride it out. I got suggestions, like heat, which helps a little. If I start to get radiating back pain, the doctor said it will be time to image it with an MRI. I really should be glowing right now with all the radiation I have been exposed to. Maybe I can make a superhero out of that, kind of like Rudolph, although he wasn't a superhero, he had a purpose. The power to glow, some superpower! LOL
Ok, I'm done complaining about my pain.
Now on to complaining about other things! I've had just about enough of the snow. The snow, bitter cold, and more snow. It's really sucking wind. It's supposed to snow again tomorrow night. I equate it to getting stuck at every red light, you get into a rhythm, and you hit every single red light. We're in a snow rhythm. We need to get out of it...someone blow a red light please! :) Just kidding!
I think people are panicking in the snow now. The snow wasn't even that bad today (compared to the storms last Tuesday and Friday), but traffic was just as bad, if not worse, than those days. I don't understand. You have extremes: people who think they're indestructible and don't give a shit about the other people on the road, and do 80 mph; then there are the insanely cautious, they go 20 mph on the highway. I understand that they don't want to get into an accident, but sometimes, being like that, causes them. It's New England. It sucks, we get snow. Get used to it. Don't drive like an idiot, be smart. I plan on staying home Thursday if it's really bad. One less car on the road. And for those assholes who drive like maniacs, what job is SO important that you need to speed to get there? Unless you're a doctor and there's an emergency, ok, but I doubt there are that many doctors on the road. And if your boss expects you to be there no matter what, reconsider your chosen place of employment. Nothing is worth risking your life (AND the lives of others) to drive like a shithead. Unless it's an emergency. There's always an exception. But again, I doubt there are that many emergencies on the road. It took Thom about 3 hours to get to work this morning. That's insane! He could've been in Maine by then and probably having more fun.
OK, off my soapbox. Wow, lots of complaining today! I must be cranky! :)
Let's see, good news? My nephew Logan is growing so much! He already looks so different! I should see them in the spring or summer, not quite sure when yet.
Thom has been spectacular through all of this. He drove me to radiation every day without a complaint, even though it was out of his way to drive me back to work afterwards, and then drive back to the Boston area. He's been taking good care of me and I thank God everyday for him. I love you so much.
The upstairs bathroom is completed now! We just need to get a cabinet or something to store the towels etc. in because we lost the closet. But I love it! Much brighter! More decorating for me! Yay!
I think that's about it. My New Year's resolution is to update this blog more often! I just didn't want it to be a pressure thing, you know? I write when the mood strikes me. But so much happens that I don't write about, and I want to change that. I feel connected to you all via this, so it's also good for me.
Thank you John D for your offer of assistance! I may call on you sometime. It's much appreciated.
Oh, I forgot to mention: I received a box in the mail last week, and it was a brand new pair of shoes that I looked at in Dallas. My wonderful future sister-in-law got them for me! She has been showering me with gifts. It's actually very nice and sweet! Thank you Michelle!! They are sexy!! :)
All right folks, Thom just got home, so it's time for me to go. Thanks again for sticking by me on this blog.
Peace out!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Brain Fry
Hello! I made it through my first week of radiation. It was a long week. I have a whole head radiation treatment everyday for 2 weeks (not including the weekends, thank God). I have to go into Boston, which makes it even more tiring. It's funny, I'm at work by 5am and it's fine, but to get to Boston by 8 is hell! Go figure.
The side effects I've had is extreme fatigue. I thought I was tired before. But to piss me off, I've been unable to get a full night's sleep this weekend. Thank God for naps.
I want to thank everyone who's offered to help. Thank you Libby for driving me in on Friday. It means more than you know. Leigh, I'll be calling you today to see if you'll drive me one day. You guys are the best. It touches my heart to know that you guys are out there. I love you.
Went to Dallas for the New Year and I met Captain Mayo's fiancee, Michelle. He is now known as the "Wheels of Justice" because he is going to law school and his bookbag has wheels. Sucks to be old. LOL Michelle is one of the most giving, interesting and wonderful people I have ever met. She has a big heart and I love her for that. I got to talk to her about the cancer and she offered me the opportunity to just let go and tell her my deepest fears. We had a good cry and I felt a weight lifted off of me. I had the BEST time in Dallas. Ever since visiting Jim in Corpus Christi, I have fallen in love with Texas. They tell me the summers there are brutal, but I still would like to move there.
On the plane on the way there, I sat next to a 16 year old boy who was on his way home. He was so nice, respectful and funny, I was amazed. A 16 year old who is not a tool? Wow. Blew my mind. I came to find out that the people in Texas are like that, normally. I met some of Michelle's friends, and they welcomed me with open arms. I felt like I knew them for years instead of minutes. Such a contrast to people here in the northwest. We look down, don't offer any help, are selfish and mean (not everyone though). Total opposite there. It was eye-opening and wonderful. I took pictures of these people who treated me so special so that I may remember them. I will be seeing most of them at their wedding in May, so I'm looking forward to that. So yes, I'm going back to Texas in May. Can't wait.
It seems that I have the flying fear under control now. What, with both the trip to Chicago and to Texas in the same month, it's like old hat now. I am so grateful for that because now my world has opened up even more and I can travel like I've always wanted to do.
I almost forgot...on the flight down to Texas, we had to make an emergency landing! It was crazy! I have never landed in an airplane so fast before. There was a woman who was in a diabetic coma in first class. We diverted to the Memphis airport. The captain kept us all informed on what was going on, so it made it a little less unnerving. It was like a roller coaster ride, or at least, what I picture a roller coaster ride to feel like. That lady is ok.
My trip to Chicago was wonderful also. I got to meet my new nephew Logan, and spend some time with Brianna and my sister. It was sooo cold there, we couldn't really go out much. It was bloody frigid. Chicago is nice, but I'm not sure I could ever live there. We almost did though. I hate the cold. I hate being cold. Blah.
I have so much to update. Again, I apologize for neglecting this blog. I get a lot of slack for it too! :)
Christmas was AWESOME! Santa was all too generous this year. I got an iPad, Gummi Savers (a tradition), and a bunch of little things, but the best presents off all were found in a blue box wrapped with a white ribbon. Yes, Tiffany! Not only one, but two boxes! To say I was flabbergasted would be an understatement. I told Santa not to bring me anything because the iPad was enough, but he never listens. I got a beautiful necklace and a matching bracelet. I love it love it love it! Thank you Santa, I love you more than you will ever know or that I can tell you. Muah! I was spoiled.
Thom surprised me even more by redoing the upstairs bathroom while I was in Chicago!! He also moved the washer/dryer upstairs, which I think is the best thing since sliced bread! It's so awesome to have the laundry room right outside the bedroom! I don't have to lug heavy baskets up 2 flights of stairs. The bathroom looks spectacular! I love it!
Phew, that's a lot of stuff.
Work has been SO understanding and kind to me through all of this. I'm so lucky to be working there. I love my job.
So, I said goodbye to 2010 and welcomed 2011 with open arms! It has started out fine! A new chapter is being written...
The side effects I've had is extreme fatigue. I thought I was tired before. But to piss me off, I've been unable to get a full night's sleep this weekend. Thank God for naps.
I want to thank everyone who's offered to help. Thank you Libby for driving me in on Friday. It means more than you know. Leigh, I'll be calling you today to see if you'll drive me one day. You guys are the best. It touches my heart to know that you guys are out there. I love you.
Went to Dallas for the New Year and I met Captain Mayo's fiancee, Michelle. He is now known as the "Wheels of Justice" because he is going to law school and his bookbag has wheels. Sucks to be old. LOL Michelle is one of the most giving, interesting and wonderful people I have ever met. She has a big heart and I love her for that. I got to talk to her about the cancer and she offered me the opportunity to just let go and tell her my deepest fears. We had a good cry and I felt a weight lifted off of me. I had the BEST time in Dallas. Ever since visiting Jim in Corpus Christi, I have fallen in love with Texas. They tell me the summers there are brutal, but I still would like to move there.
On the plane on the way there, I sat next to a 16 year old boy who was on his way home. He was so nice, respectful and funny, I was amazed. A 16 year old who is not a tool? Wow. Blew my mind. I came to find out that the people in Texas are like that, normally. I met some of Michelle's friends, and they welcomed me with open arms. I felt like I knew them for years instead of minutes. Such a contrast to people here in the northwest. We look down, don't offer any help, are selfish and mean (not everyone though). Total opposite there. It was eye-opening and wonderful. I took pictures of these people who treated me so special so that I may remember them. I will be seeing most of them at their wedding in May, so I'm looking forward to that. So yes, I'm going back to Texas in May. Can't wait.
It seems that I have the flying fear under control now. What, with both the trip to Chicago and to Texas in the same month, it's like old hat now. I am so grateful for that because now my world has opened up even more and I can travel like I've always wanted to do.
I almost forgot...on the flight down to Texas, we had to make an emergency landing! It was crazy! I have never landed in an airplane so fast before. There was a woman who was in a diabetic coma in first class. We diverted to the Memphis airport. The captain kept us all informed on what was going on, so it made it a little less unnerving. It was like a roller coaster ride, or at least, what I picture a roller coaster ride to feel like. That lady is ok.
My trip to Chicago was wonderful also. I got to meet my new nephew Logan, and spend some time with Brianna and my sister. It was sooo cold there, we couldn't really go out much. It was bloody frigid. Chicago is nice, but I'm not sure I could ever live there. We almost did though. I hate the cold. I hate being cold. Blah.
I have so much to update. Again, I apologize for neglecting this blog. I get a lot of slack for it too! :)
Christmas was AWESOME! Santa was all too generous this year. I got an iPad, Gummi Savers (a tradition), and a bunch of little things, but the best presents off all were found in a blue box wrapped with a white ribbon. Yes, Tiffany! Not only one, but two boxes! To say I was flabbergasted would be an understatement. I told Santa not to bring me anything because the iPad was enough, but he never listens. I got a beautiful necklace and a matching bracelet. I love it love it love it! Thank you Santa, I love you more than you will ever know or that I can tell you. Muah! I was spoiled.
Thom surprised me even more by redoing the upstairs bathroom while I was in Chicago!! He also moved the washer/dryer upstairs, which I think is the best thing since sliced bread! It's so awesome to have the laundry room right outside the bedroom! I don't have to lug heavy baskets up 2 flights of stairs. The bathroom looks spectacular! I love it!
Phew, that's a lot of stuff.
Work has been SO understanding and kind to me through all of this. I'm so lucky to be working there. I love my job.
So, I said goodbye to 2010 and welcomed 2011 with open arms! It has started out fine! A new chapter is being written...
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